UPJOKE

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I think, I'm going to lose my drivers license and all just because of a stupid police officer...

The conversation went like this, when I got pulled over in my car:

Officer: "License and registration, please, I think you are drunk!"

Me: "I assure you, I did not drink anything."

Officer: "Ok, let's do a little test! Imagine driving in the dark on a highway at night, when you ...

You know when you get the urge to eat something just because it’s there?

Anyways, I lost my job as a gynecologist today.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife kicked me out of the house just because she walked in on me whilst measuring my penis

Just for the record, it reaches the back of her sister's throat!

Just because nobody complains

Doesn’t mean all parachutes are perfect.

I hate it when I'm out in public and everyone gives me judgemental looks, just because of the screaming toddler in my arms.

Don't be mad at me. This isn't even my child.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This asshole thought that just because some fancy, expensive vehicle, he could go as fast as he wanted and weave inbetween cars. So I got in front of him and slowed down to 10kmph below the speed limit lmao

Fuckin ambulances I swear

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why does everyone assume that just because I’m a 40 year old loser that I live in my parent’s basement?

My parents don’t have a basement. I live in my bedroom like a big boy.

Things aren't automatically good just because they're made from natural ingredients

Just look at Ed Gein's lampshade.

What do you call someone who thinks they're right just because they make decisions?

An Ergomaniac.

My girlfriend's parents called me a disgusting creep just because I am 36 and she is 24

What a horrible thing to say on our son's 10th birthday party.

Getting divorced just because you don't love a woman is almost as silly

as getting married just because you do.

People think that just because I grew up in the ghetto back in the 80s, i should walk around carrying a big ol' boom box on my shoulder.

But I refuse to go with that stereotype.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got fired just because I wore a mini skirt!

Appearently my boss doesn't want to see my dick.

“Don’t believe everything you read on the internet just because they quote someone famous.”

— Abraham Lincoln

Just because you are trash doesn't mean that you can't do great things.

It is called garbage can, not garbage cannot.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend's dad called me a pedophile just because I'm 34 and she's 23...

...he totally ruined our 10 year anniversary.

Just because someone found out how to connect a keyboard and a portable radio together doesn't make them a nerd

That would be stereotyping.

I’m banned for life from acting in our production of Romeo and Juliet, just because I misunderstood the stage directions.

It said, [Enter Juliet from the rear]

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

But Mickey, you can't divorce Mini just because you think she's dumb.

"I didn't say she was dumb. I said she was fucking Goofy!"

Just because you have a big nose doesn't mean you shouldn't wear a mask

I mean, I still wear underwear.



Saw this on a church billboard a year ago.

Just because you sleep with someone named Stormy doesn't make you an expert on the weather...

Mr. President.

I started dating this girl in high school just because we had the same class schedule

What can I say? We had Chemistry together.

Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.

Thanks to the advance of science, a 75 years old lady got pregnant and had a baby.
When she returned home with the baby from the Maternity Ward, her friends went to visit her.
“Where is the baby? Let’s see him!” Said her friends.
-“Wait for a while””. I’ll show him to you later”.
Half ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My family thinks that I belong on that Hoarders show just because I collect magazines.

I said I’m not crazy. But I did admit I have a lot of issues.

I used to make jokes at work during meetings and could really get people laughing, then COVID hit and everything went online. I’d still make jokes, but no one would laugh. Not one. At first, I thought it was just because everyone was muted, but it turns out...

They didn’t find me remotely funny...

Once I got fired from my job just because I was eating chips while I was working.

And after that, I couldn't get a job at any of the other casinos either.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to a bar with my girlfriend last night and people kept calling me a pedophile, just because I'm 53 and she is 22...

...totally ruined our 10th anniversary.

Just because a cannibal is late for dinner...

...Doesnt mean he only deserves a cold shoulder

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW At the restaurant, everyone kept calling me a pedophile just because I'm 52 and my wife is 22......

It completely ruined our ten year anniversary dinner.

Many people told Beethoven he would never be a musician just because he was deaf

But did he listen?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Satan: Just because me and Santa have similar names doesn’t mean we’re anything alike.

For example, one is a judgmental bastard who punishes you for being bad and the other is the ruler of all hell.

Don't make fun of Kim Jong Un just because of his condition.

It's not his fault he suffers from projectile dysfunction.

What do you call someone who hates brown rice just because it’s brown?

A riceist.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got fired from my job just because I'm pansexual.

Who wants to work in a kitchen anyway.

Just because someone is in a wheelchair

Just because someone is in a wheelchair doesn't mean they'll let you push them around.

Just because you have calves...

doesn't mean you have to eat like a cow.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mickey has sued Minnie for divorce. Judge: "Mickey, I cannot grant you a divorce just because Minnie is acting silly."

Mickey: "Your honor, I did not say she was acting silly, I said she was fucking Goofy!"

Just because you're a nobody doesn't mean no on wants you

Polyphemus is looking for you

Just because I’m white doesn’t mean I’m racist

I mean for Christ’s sake, my dogs black!!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend's call me a paedophile just because my girlfriend "looks thirteen".

Jokes on them, though. She's actually twelve.

Really frustrating when autocorrect comes up with a *completely* different word just because you typed one letter wrong.

Someone told me there’s an easy fix,
I just hope they’re Rihanna.

Did you hear about the cow that went to the tannery just because the other cows told him to?

At least he looked good; he was easily suede.

Just because I can't spell Armygeddan.....

Doesn't mean its the end of the world....

[Motivation] Just because you were born in poverty, it doesn't mean that you'll be poor forever.

I was born in a hospital, yet I'm not a doctor.

Just because a lot of work went into it, doesn’t make it good.

Just look at the holocaust.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I never realized how jealous my brother can get. He beat the shit out of me just because I slept with the only girl in our class.

Homeschool problems.

My wife got mad at me just because I accidentally hoovered up her contact lenses.

To be fair, she was wearing them at the time.

I hate it when people stereotype. Just because I'm wearing a turban and have a beard doesn't make me Muslim...

...Makes me Sikh!

People think I'm an idiot, just because I'm a homeless man that asks people to debate with me.

I beg to differ.

The wife is fuming, just because I lost £6,485 from gambling. It's not even like it's her money!

...Anymore.

A guy goes into a store and tells the clerk, "I’d like some Polish sausage." The clerk looks at him and says, "Are you Polish?"

The guy, clearly offended, says, “"Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if ...

What do you call it when you make someone say prayers all the time just because they’re Catholic?

A Confirmation bias

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"I'm sorry Mickey, I can't file divorce just because you think Minnie's silly."

"Your honor, I don't think you understand. She's *fucking* Goofy!"

I hate how everyone thinks I'm a d*ckhead just because I go to the gym!

I was a d*ckhead well before I went to the gym

My wife was worried that she was going to get fat, just because her sisters are fat, her mom is fat and her grandmother was fat. So I bought her a Peloton.

She broke the cycle.

r/Jokes is a great place to learn English

Not just because of the vocabulary and fun, but also because reading the same thing over and over again is crucial in the learning process.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So this chick tried to claim I was "no good at screwing" just because I sucked on her titties and then nutted on her thigh before even putting it in...

But I mean.... who *really* got screwed on that deal?

My wife's mad just because I told my mother in law I can't wait til she gets to move into one of our properties....

... we own a cemetery.

Elon Musk's space travel corp. decided not to fund the recent reboot of Carrie, just because they were scared...

I guess you could say it was a *Sissy SpaceX.*

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.