UPJOKE
ridershao

Johhny Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Johhny went to sleep and woke up in heaven

He awoke before the Pearly Gates...

St Peter said, "You died in your sleep, Johnny"...

Johnny was stunned, "I'm dead...? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back"...

St Peter said, "Hmm, perhaps that could be arranged. It does involves a lot of paperwork but...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johhny + cake day = ?

Little Johhny is walking around and peaks in his parents room, catching them having sex so he asks,


“What are you guys doing?” and they reply “Nothing, nothing! we’re just uh, making cake” and they send him away.


So he continues walking around and he hears some strange noi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johhny is staring at a jar of liquid in aw.....

Father O'Tuelley walks up and says "Johnny what do you have there?"


Little Johnny says "Oh Father it is the most powerful liquid on the face of the earth, it is turpentine!"


Father O'Tuelley says "I beg to differ the most powerful liquid on the face of the earth is holy wat...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johhny was playing with a bottle in the street

when a priest happend to be walking by and said "what are you doing there sonny"
he said, "im playing with this bottle of sulphuric acid"
The priest, shocked said "don't you realise thats very dangerous!? Here, look. I'll trade you this bottle of Holy water.
Little Johnny said "oh, no way"...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johhny in Sunday school

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?" When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny is back

The teacher asked the class to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, "My family went to my granddad's farm and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."

The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate', not 'fascinati...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Can I smoke some of your cigarettes?", little Johnny asked his grandpa.

His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "No", said Little Johnny. His grandpa replied, "Then you're not old enough." The next day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa drinking beer. He asked, "Grandpa, can I drink some of your beer?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshol...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When he turned 13, little Johhny asked his father if he would buy him a new bicycle................ *NSFW*

The father smirked at little Johnny and said to the young man "Well, I don't know son. Does your dick reach your asshole?"
Bewildered, Johnny went to the bathroom to check; coming out with a sad look on his face sobbing "No sir".
"Well, there's your answer son. No, I will not buy you a new bic...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny's mother was cleaning his room...

and while putting his clothes away notices some BDSM magazines tucked under his socks.

Unsure of what to do, Little Johhny's mother waits till her husband gets home and shows him the magazines.

Mother: I don't want this smut in my house, how are we going to punish him?
Father: I h...

Little Johnny was staying the vacation at grandpa's.

Little Johnny asked grandpa if he could get him something to drink? Grandpa went to the kitchen to get Johnny some lemonade.
Whe Grandpa got back from the kitchen little Johnny threw a bucket at grandpa's feet. Grandpa lost his temper and shouted "why the hell did you do that you little brat?!"...

It's All About Marketing...;)

A substitute teacher walks into the classroom on the blackboard she sees a message. It says, "Little Johhny, has got the biggest tool, in the whole damn school!"

She yells, "Whose Little Johhny?"

A kid in the back stands up and says, "I'm Little Johhny."

"Well, Johhny, your s...

Little Johnny's mother receives a note from his teacher

"johhny is a very clever boy, but he spends too much time thinking about girls and it distracts him from matters that are really important"

The mother replies: "please inform me right away if you ever find a solution. His dad is having the same problem"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Indian, an Italian and a Jewish man go for an interview to be an undercover detective

Three men applied for the job of a
undercover detective: Johhny English from India, Marc Grayberg, a Jew; and Tom Silanti, an Italian.

The chief decided to ask each applicant just one
question and base his decision upon the answer.

When Grayberg arrived for his interview, the ch...

A NIGHT'S SLEEP

On a long walk in the woods, Johhny found himself out late and decided to look for a place to rest the night. He finally found a hut in the middle of the woods and knocked on the door. An old man answered, and he agreed to give Johhny a bed for the night on one condition: the man's teenaged daughter...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny and Little Sally are hiding in the bedroom closet watching Little Johnny's sister have sex with her boyfriend...

"Golly," Little Sally whispers. "She sure looks like she's having a good time. You wanna try that, Little Johhny?"

"Not really," he says. "His dick would probably hurt me."

Poker

Little Johnny has a question, so he goes around the house to find his father. He opens his dad's bedroom door and finds his mom and dad humping away on the bed! "Dad!" says Johnny, "What are you doing!" Johhny's father stops humping for a second and says "Well, Johnny, I'm playing poker...and your m...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A classroom of kids were learning all about common English proverbs. (LONG)

The teacher asked if anyone had a proverb they could talk about - the kids all put their hands up, including Little Johhny at the back. But the teacher chose Susie: "What's your story, Susie?"

"Well, Miss, my dad jumped into a creek and broke his leg on a big branch just under the water!"...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A school hires a new Spanish teacher fresh out of college.

On her first day, an official from the town's Board of Education decides to sit in her class to observe and takes a seat next to Little Johnny. As the class progresses, the teacher proceeds to write a sentence in Spanish on the board. Midway however, the chalk breaks in half and falls to the floor, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dirty Johnny's mom is in the kitchen cooking dinner...

Johnny runs up to her, tugs on the tails of her skirt--
"Momma, are we having shrimp for dinner?"
She tells him, "No, Johnny, we're having meatloaf."
Johnny says, "Oh. Well, Grandma's having shrimp!"
"What do you mean Grandma's having shrimp?"

So Johnny takes his mom's hand, lea...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny

Little Johnny is sitting in class. The teacher draws a banana on the whiteboard and asks the class, "Class, can anyone guess what this fruit is?"

Little Johnny raises his hand and shouts, "That's not a fruit, it's a penis!"

Little Suzie, offended at hearing the word "penis," immediate...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

“It’s your Attitude; not Aptitude, that decides your ALTITUDE”

A first-grade teacher, Ms Janet ( Age 28) was having trouble with one of her students

The teacher asked,”Little Johnny what is your problem?”

Little Johnny answered, “I’m too smart for the first-grade.My sister is in the third-grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in t...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.