UPJOKE

I Wonder Jokes

I wonder if Buzz and woody had ever met Andy's mom's toys.

They probably have the same names

I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the Internet was a thing

I asked my 17 brothers and sisters, and they didn't know either

I watched Into The Spiderverse and I wondered how Spider-Man always comes up with his witty comebacks.

Then it it me with great power comes great response ability.

I wonder if Kevin Spacey's trial will be postponed.

I mean with the SAG strike, he can't act innocent.

I wonder...

I always wondered what my parents did to pass time before things like the internet and TVs were invented.
I asked my 26 siblings for advice.

Sometimes I wonder about my ex girlfriends who I haven't seen in years,

you know, like has she become all fat and bloated, or has she become disgustingly skinny; or maybe someone has already found the body.

I wonder

Do oranges want to be juice or they pressured into it?

I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room

look at the floor and think, "Id tap that"

Sometimes I wonder how vegans survive off of what little they eat

Then I remebered vegans feed off of attention.

She said "If we had kids I wonder what they would look like?"

I said "If we have kids, they'll be wondering what I look like."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As I was approaching my driveway, I saw a big black man running away with a TV in his hands and I wondered if it was mine.

Upon entering my house, I was relieved to see that mine was at home polishing my shoes.

I wonder if colorblind people

Read colorado as just "ado"

I wonder what my wife's favourite US state is.

Maybe Alaska.

I wonder who's buried in the grave

of the guy who invented the ol' switcheroo

Sometimes I wonder if I'm too arrogant.

Then I think to myself “There’s no way. I’m too good for that.”

I wonder ...

what people who type "u" and "ur" do with all the extra time.

"I wonder what he's thinking... I wonder if he likes me... I wonder if he thinks I'm fat..."

- Wonder Woman

(- Katherine Ryan)

I wonder if old houseflies tell the younger ones stories like:

"Back in my day, it was Monday".

I wondered if becoming a furry could help me escape my crippling depression...

Unfortunately, the veterinarian insisted that he still wasn't going to euthanize me.

I wonder what Jeff Bezos does before he goes go to bed

Probably puts his pajamazon

In the dark of night, I fear vampires, but, when the first light of day breaks, I wonder why I had ever been afraid

It's hard to take vampires seriously after Twilight.

I wonder if clouds ever look down on us and say

"Hey look! That one is shaped like an idiot!"

I wonder

if a receptionist at a sperm bank has ever used the phrase: "Thanks for coming."

Sometimes I wonder

Then I get lost in the park

I love Rock's acting in all his movies, I wonder where he got his acting skills from...

Oh he was in WWE.

I wonder what happened to Kim Jong Un

Maybe he’s Un-responsive

I wonder if the Earth . . .

Makes fun of the Moon for having no life.

I wonder what trees are scared of ...

... given there are so many that are petrified

I wonder where my girlfriend is...

It has been about a month since I have last seen my girlfriend, I am really worried, she left me a note on the xbox one which said "This isn't working." but I turned it on and it worked just fine.

Sometimes I wonder how many Egyptians...

Sometimes I wonder how many Egyptians you could fit in a pyramid...

It's probably a pharaoh mount!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was asked to draw tampons throughout the ages but I wonder...

Do they have to be period accurate?

I wonder if..

What if the ocean is salty because the land never waves back?

Sometimes, I wonder to myself if my wife hates my body.

A tiny part of me thinks "Yes!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Recently a "Husband Super Store" opened where women could go to choose a husband from many men.

It was laid out over five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended.

The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place, never to return....

I wonder if...

I wonder if Michael Jackson's pronouns were He/Him or He/Hee.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wonder what it’s like to date a politician

Being both financially and literally fucked by the same person

I Wonder if Soy Milk

Is just regular milk introducing itself in spanish?

I wonder

I wonder if I have ever eaten an egg laid by a chicken I have also eaten.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wonder how my wife got semen in her eye

She should have seen it cumming !

I wondered why I was banned from dating sites for paying with Monopoly money.

But apparently that's not legal Tinder.

I wonder how many chameleons....

snuck onto the Ark?

I wonder why Microsoft has opened an office inside my computer.

These predatory businesses are getting out of hand.

You may wonder who watches the watchers, but I wonder...

...who pees on the paeons?

I wonder who was the first person to see an earthquake

It must have been a groundbreaking experience

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wonder if she got mileage points?

So a woman goes to the Ob/Gyn.

Ob: What brings you in today?
Patient: Uhm... I’ve been finding Costa Rican postage stamps in my vagina.
Ob: You’ve been finding what, where?!
Patient: Costa Rican postage stamps in my vagina...
Ob: Have you BEEN to Costa Rica?
Patient: No!
Ob...

I wonder if eating ants will prevent you from getting covid.

They got anty bodies

Standing in the park today I wondered, "why does a frisbee get larger the closer it gets?"

And then it hit me.

I wonder what turtle tastes like?

It tastes like plastic.

I wonder why Kevin Spacey is such a good guitarist.

Probably because he’s had a lot of practise fingering minors

I wonder is perineal massages help.

I’m personally torn on the matter.

I wonder how it feels to get crucified

I would be pretty cross

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wonder...

I wonder if a stripper has ever given a lap dance to a horse veterinarian to the song "Sitting on the Dock of the Bay."

As i see a homeless man asking for some money and i wonder, should i really let money get wasted on drugs?...

Nah i better give them to this homeless guy

One thing I wonder about chemtrails is...

...what happens when they fall off the edge of the world?

I wonder if people find polyamory to be selfish.

I mean, you can have your Kate and Edith too.

Sometimes I wonder about suicide bombers...

What makes them *tick*?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wonder if that's mine

I was walking down the street one morning and saw a black man running holding a television. I thought to my self "I wonder if that's mine", so I hurried back home quickly but it was still there, shining my shoes.

Sometimes I wonder if the entire world is full of defensive, conceited douchebags who can't laugh at themselves...

Then I read some Reddit comments and I'm almost certain of it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wonder if my Thai girlfriend has a penis?

Something inside tells me "yes".

I wonder if Spider-Man has done any web design

He would be good at it

Some nights I just lie down and stare up at the stars and I wonder

what happened to my roof

I wonder how many calories women burn by...

... jumping to conclusions.

I wonder how this whole coronavirus thing has affected Wuhan china cymbal sales.

I think the market has crashed.

Two English tourists were driving through Wales.At Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogogoch they stopped for lunch they asked the waitress: “Before we order, I wonder if you could settle an argument.Can you pronounce where we are,very,very,slowly?"

The girl leaned over and said:

“Burrr… gurrr… King.”

I wonder who's watching me now, the IRS?

1984 paranoid ramblings

2018 passing remark

While watching TV with his wife, a man tosses peanuts into the air and catches them in his mouth. Just as he throws another peanut into the air, the front door opens, causing him to turn his head. The peanut falls into his ear and gets stuck.

His daughter comes in with her date.
The man explains the situation, and the daughter's date says, "I can get the peanut out."
He tells the father to sit down, shoves two fingers into the father's nose, and tells him to blow hard.
The father blows, and the peanut flies out of his ear.
Af...

I wonder what SwissCodeMonkey.....

Will do now that Funny Jokes has an alternative.

Who am I kidding? We all know they never do anything.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wonder if Samuel L Jackson has sent his father...

...a 'Happy Motherfuckers Day' card today.

I wonder why thyme isn’t used in medicine.

It’s supposed to heal all wounds.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sitting in the sand at the nudist resort, I wondered,

What's all the fuss about anal beaching?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wonder if Adam ever thought to himself...

"I'm the sexiest guy on the planet right now."

I wonder if the first person to pop popcorn suddenly had the urge to...

watch a movie.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wonder if Jesus ever took a really really big poop,

turned around and was like "holy shit!"

I wonder what was the last thing to go through the Donner Party’s minds

I guess a fork

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My 4yr old was struggling to open his yoghurt, today.

When he suddenly mumbled, "Fucking shitty lid!". My wife immediately looked at me and said, "I wonder where he's got that from?". I said, "The fucking fridge, you silly cunt."

I wonder what North Korean food tastes like...

Oh wait, there is no food.

I wonder if deaf schizophrenic people hear voices...

I never asked them

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

For years I wondered why biting my lip all sexy-like never seemed to work on the ladies...

until my friend let me know you're supposed to bite your bottom lip

A Gynaecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and paperwork and was burned out.

Hoping to try another career where skilful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic. He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could.

When the time of the practical exam approached, the gynaecologist ...

I wonder what my parents did for fun when they were younger...

I don't know, I guess I'll go ask one of my 13 siblings...

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