UPJOKE

I Had A Dream Jokes

I had a dream where I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram.

I was like 0mg

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I had a dream..

Wife : "I dreamt they were auctioning off dicks. The big ones went for ten dollars and the thick ones went for twenty dollars."

Husband : "How about the ones like mine?"

Wife : "Those they gave away."

Husband : "I had a dream too...I dreamt they were auctioning off cunts. The pr...

I had a dream where I was attacked by 6 naked women.

Sounds strange dozen tit?

Last night I had a dream that I was eating a giant marshmallow

and when I woke up my giant marshmallow was gone.

Last night I had a dream where I experienced a completely new color.

It was a pigment of my imagination

I had a dream

Last night I had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda.. I guess it was just a Fanta Sea.

I had a dream I was driving a Ferrari last night...

I was fast, asleep.

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I had a dream that my favourite Porn star died...

...and l wike up with a mourning wood.

I had a dream last night about a nocturnal horse

Well, it was actually more of a night mare.

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Last night, I tossed and turned as I had a dream that a giant grizzly bear ate me and I passed through its entire digestive tract.

I woke up feeling pooped.

I had a dream that I was a mechanic who fixed wrecked cars.

It was an auto body experience.

I had a dream that I attended a college for hippos...

... I love the hippo campus.

I had a dream about a breath freshener left on my pillow.

I ate it and it tasted like a fig. Then I woke up. Guess it was just a fig mint of my imagination.

I had a dream last night that I was fighting an erection.

I was able to beat it off single handedly

I had a dream that I was sleeping.

You can imagine my disappointment when I woke up to find it wasn’t real.

I had a dream the other night

I had a dream the other night. I was in the old West riding in a stagecoach. Suddenly, a man riding a horse pulls up to the left side of the stagecoach, and a riderless horse pulls up on the right.

The man leans down, pulls open the door, and jumps off his horse into the stagecoach. Then he ...

I had a dream I turned into a young chicken and had trouble changing back to being a human.

Luckily, I was able to pullet off...

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3 guys were at a sleep over

They just watched a horror movie so decide to sleep on the same bed.
In the morning when they wake up.
The guy on the left says "I had great dream where he was being wanked of by a hot blond"
The guy on right says "Oh shit, I had a dream where I was being wanked of but by a brunette"
T...

I had a dream that i was rich.

i was so relieved when i realized that it was just a dream. I didn't wanna be an homeless like my friend Rich.

I had a dream that I was eating marshmallows...

...and when I woke up, I discovered I'd chewed my pillow to bits. I'm feeling okay, all things considered. Just a little down in the mouth.

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I had a dreamed I pooped the bed.

So it turns out dreams can come true!

I had a dream that my friend Martin became the ruler of all bath sponges.

We called him Martin Loofah King.

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I had a dream that I was having sex with a chicken in an elevator...

It was wrong on so many levels.

I had a dream last night that I was mauled by a bear.

It was pretty grizzly.

I told my wife I had a dream that in a previous life she was Chinese...

... She told me that was impossible because she has never been Wong.

I had a dream in which I was completely surrounded by naked women.

I came full circle.

last night I had a dream where I was eating the worlds largest marshmellow

then I woke up and said "hey wheres my pillow"

I had a dream.

Last night I had a dream. I dreamed that Hugh Hefner, publisher of Playboy died and went to Hell. He was trapped in a small room with no doors or windows with an unattractive, hateful woman. A voice boomed out from nowhere and said: "Hugh Hefner, for your sins in life you shall spend eternity wit...

I had a dream last night that I was peeing...

Talk about a dream come true!

I had a dream I was walking along a beach

The sand was nice and soft against my toes as I stare into the sea

Now I think I know why there were footmarks in the cat litter

I had a dream last night...

In my dream I was watching a band play. Buddha was playing guitar, Jesus was playing bass, Mohammed was singing, and Zeus was playing the drums. After the show, Zeus came down and gave me a large metal disc. I think it was a cymbal from god.

I had a dream (true story) that I was watching YouTube videos on how to turn large animals into cars.

Taxidermy.

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A married couple are in bed one morning.

"I had a really good dream last night,” says the wife. “I dreamt that I was at a penis auction. Long dicks were going for $100 each and thick dicks were going for $200.”

“Really?” says the husband. “What would mine have fetched?”

“They were giving dicks like yours...

Three Guys Were Sleeping Together On A Single Bed

One on the left wakes up and says i had a dream i was getting a handjob from a hot blonde

The Guy on the right says that's weird i had a similar dream but the only difference is the girl giving me a handjob was a brunette

The one in the middle says well i had a dream where i was Skiing...

I had a dream that I was watching Inception

And it really is a great idea, I should really watch it

I had a dream, Tim Cook was America's president.

But you just can't compare Apples to Oranges.

I had a dream someone came in my apartment last night

When I got up, the door was still locked but I can’t figure out what all this sticky stuff is.

Last night, I had a dream that I wrote the Lord of the Rings books.

My wife said I was Tolkien in my sleep.

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[NSFW] I had a dream that I was getting a blowjob from the blonde one in ABBA

I woke up because his beard was tickling my balls.

I had a dream that I ordered a package and it never came...

...It was a logistical nightmare.

The President of Iran calls Trump & tells him "I had a dream last night...."

"New York was in ruins & aflame, with Iranian flags flying above."

Trump replies: "Funny, I had a dream last night too. Teheran beautiful and prosperous, happy people celebrating in the streets, with big banners hanging everywhere."

"What did the banners say?", asked the Iranian P...

The morning of his birthday, Timmy told his mom, “I had a dream I got a BB Gun for my birthday. What do you think that dream means?”

“You'll know what it means tonight,” Timmy's mom said with an encouraging smile. That night, after the birthday cake, Timmy's mom came in with a long narrow package and gave it to her son. Timmy tore the box open. Finally I get a BB gun, he thought. But he thought wrong. The box was empty except for...

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I had a dream that a piece of poo was screaming and yelling at me.

That shit was crazy.

I had a dream my family surprised me with an intervention.

It was a good wake-up call.

I had a dream about a horse in a suit of armor.

Pretty sure it was a knightmare.

Last night I had a dream that I was responsible for culling half the living population on Earth.

Then I snapped out of it.

Doc...I had a dream two nights ago I was a pop up tent and last light I dreamt I was an Inflatable Tent. What does it mean????

Well Bob I would say you need to relax...you're just two tents.

I had a dream that there was a dessert food made with sugar, cornstarch, and cocoa. In case any of you want to make it a reality...

I’m just pudding it out there.

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