UPJOKE

I Got A Job Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got a job in my first porno this morning.

I’m the husband leaving for work.

I got a job as senior director at an old McDonald's farm

I’m the CIEIO

I got a job crafting toy models of the dwarves from Snow White.

The pay sucks, but I'm not lying when I tell people I make seven figures.

I got a job working with Brad Pitt and Edward Norton

I think it’s a serious job considering I was told twice not to talk about it

I got a job making incomplete clocks

It’s only part time

I got a job at Chipotle by telling this joke during my interview.

What do Mexicans use to cut their pizza with?

Little Ceasars.

I got a job cleaning horse manure.

Well, the ad promise a stable income.

I got a job at an Indian supermarket.

Finally got me a naan to five.

I got a job as a bullet...

I was fired immediately.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got a job at a paperless office.

Everything was great until I needed a shit.

I got a job making plastic Draculas for Halloween.

There’s only two of us though so I have to make every second count.

I got a job as a flasher

The pay's mostly in exposure.

I got a job at the bank but I got fired!

An old lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

I got a job at UPS to get better at comedy...

I now have great delivery but my timing is all over the place.

I got a job at the zoo circumcising elephants

It doesnt pay much, but the tips are big.

I got a job as a regional distributor for Hostess snack cakes...

I got Ho-Hos in different area codes.

I got a job at a bar.

But I guess that's not that my wife meant by, "you need to work around your problems."

I wanted to die, but then I got a job.

Now I *really* want to die.

I got a job that lets me get dozens of women off every day.

I'm a bus driver.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got a job as a blacksmith and was asked if I could shoe a horse..

I said no, but I have told a donkey to fuck off

Two weeks ago I got a job in a photographers dark room.

After an initial negative review, today my boss told me my talent is developing.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got a job in a brothel as a bartender.

You could say I like porn drinks.

Yeah I got a job at Coca Cola...

It's sodapressing.

I got a job in prison making paper towels..

I hope I get paid per roll

I got a job offer at Pepsi today!

I just hope they don’t drug test me and find Coke in my system.

I got a job interview as an under-water welder..

Interviewer: so how would you describe yourself?
Me : well I'd say i work well under pressure

My friends and I got a jobs at the local bakery recently

Half of us have been fired already. Apparently the place has a high turnover rate.

I got a job assisting a fledgling orchestra with their day to day activities and helping to organize upcoming shows...

My official title is Band Aide.

(I thought of this in the shower, so it's definitely not funny)

I got a job tending to baby seals once.

I got fired the first day for using a baseball bat. I guess they had a strict club only policy!

I got a job designing tape, but I'm grossly underqualified.

I'm basically just throwing stuff at the wall and seeing what sticks.

I got a job making chess pieces.

I'm currently working knights.

I got a job installing security systems...

I find it pretty alarming

My girlfriend left me because I got a job as a parking warden.

Fine.

I got a job working in a hayfield.

After one day, I bailed.

I got a job at the strip club.

"I help the girls get dressed and undressed."

"Great gig. How much?"

"Twenty dollars a day."

"That's not very much."

"It's all I can afford."

I got a job for British gas the other day. For my first assignment they gave me some blue prints marked in inches. I couldn't understand it at all...

I only read meters.

I got a job as a Triangle player in a Reggae band.

I just stand in the back and ting.

I got a job peeling corn all day...

It really shucks.

I got a job as a stand up with a comic sans resume, but i lost my CV

Now im a comic sans resume

I got a job on a farm....

It was circumcising donkeys, it wasn't too bad, 44 skins a day, with a chance to get ahead, and you could always count on big tips....

I got a job making wallets out of elephant foreskins

If you rub the wallet it turns into a suitcase.

I got a job crushing cans...

...It's soda pressing...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW]I Was Surprised When My deadbeat roommate actually had rent money on time

"Yeah, man, I got a job."

"Doing what?," I asked.

"I hang out in the alley and give blow jobs."

"Sounds like a hard way to make money."

"Nah, man, my very first night I made $300.05"

I scoffed, "Who paid you a nickel?"

He said, "They all did."

I got a job digging graves, I don’t know how,

I just fell into it.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.