Hospital Patient Jokes - 5 Hilarious Hospital Patient Jokes

Hospital patient lying in bed: "Doctor, I can't feel my legs!"

Doctor: "Yes, I'm sorry. We had to amputate your arms."

[A brief sketch from an ancient episode of 'Not The Nine O'Clock News']

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An old hospital patient was set to be discharged

A nurse comes in to help him with his medicine. A moment later he says, "I'm going home to die".
The nurse feels sorry for him and replies, "No sir, you aren't going to die, not yet.
The old guy looks at her a long while, shakes his head and says, "I was s'posed to go home yesterdie, but I'm ...

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What’s the worst thing you can say to a hospital patient?

I slept with your wife.

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Why was the hospital patient feeling so self-conscious?

She overheard the doctors keep saying ICU.

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The Man and The Hospital

A man has been in hospital for a month.
One day, he's so sick and tired of being in hospital that he sneaks out and down to the nearest pub. He orders a beer and swallows the lot in ten seconds flat. He then orders a second beer and does the same. Then a third and a fourth.

As he orders ...

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