UPJOKE

Hiv Positive Jokes

What's the hardest part when your ex tells you she is HIV positive

Trying to act surprised.

Do you think Charlie Sheen admitted to being HIV positive on national television...

because it was easier than making phone calls?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What will you get if a HIV positive person fucks your ear?

Hearing aids.

Jake: I think I might be HIV positive

Paul: Omg I'm so sorry. How did you find out?

Jake: Well, I had accidentally come in someone's ear once, years ago. I saw her again yesterday

Paul: And..?

Jake: She has hearing AIDS now!

My last date just told me she tested HIV positive

It's always so hard to act surprised.

A friend of mine asked me how he should react if his girlfriend tells him that she's HIV positive

I said, "The trick is to always act surprised."

Finally something positive happened in my life

I am hiv positive.

Whom Do You Trust?

A redneck returns to the doctors after having some tests and asks what the results were. The doctor explains that he has some bad news, in fact, the patient is HIV positive.
"Hell, " says the man, "You can't trust anybody nowadays, not even your own kids!"

My barber

My barber was cutting my hair when, out of the blue, he said, "Look, I don't want to worry you but I just found out I'm HIV positive."
"It doesn't worry me at all," I replied.
"It should," he said. "I'm sleeping with your wife."

I wanted to become an airline pilot, but do you want to know what I became?

HIV positive

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A paper bag walks into the doctors because he's feeling a little down

Has some tests and come back a week later.

Doctor says, "I'm sorry son, but you're HIV positive"

The bag is in disbelief "How can this happen, I'm a paper bag?"

"Have you ever had unprotected sex?"

"We'll no, I'm a paper bag"

"What about sharing needles"

"No...

Two guys sit at a bar...

One says to the other "I've got really bad news."

"What is it?", the friend replies.

"I'm HIV positive".

"Really?!, that's terrible. Is there anything I can do?".

"Yea, can you tell your wife as soon as you get home".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A beautiful woman comes to see the doctor...

and the doctor´s jaw drops. He has never seen anyone so beautiful. The woman was a hot latino chick and the doctor got an idea.

"I am sorry, but I think we need to do some tests. So, take off your shirt, please."

The doctor starts to squeeze the woman´s breasts, and asks:

"Do y...

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