UPJOKE

Hey Son Jokes

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My dad walked into the room one day when I was 16 and said hey son I'm gonna teach you how to pull out

He meant out of the driveway

"Hey son, what has 4 legs and doesn’t breathe?”

“You’re not fooling me dad, a chair!”

“Not this time, your dog died.”

Father: Hey son what are you drinking?

Son: Soy-milk

Father: Hola milk, soy tu padre

Father: Hey son, guess what, you're ADOPTED.

Son: WOAH! I wonder who my real father is?

Father: It's me, your new father is on his way

Dad: Hey son, you got my whatchamacallit??

Son: Yeah I doodad

Hey son, why do you have such a big head?

Cuz I’m from Metrocity and you’re not my dad.

Dad: Hey son, have you heard that joke with the deaf guy and a dumbass?

Son: No, what is it?

Dad: I'm sorry, what?

Son: What's the joke?

Dad: I can't hear you.

Son: I hate you.

"Hey son, come over here!"

"You're getting it all over your bedsheets."

"Hey son, I have a joke for you"

"Knock knock !"

"Who's there ?"

"Youra !"

"Youra who ?"

"Youra dopted !"

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Woman cheats on her husband

A woman is cheating on her husband and her husband comes home early. In a panic her lover hides in the closet. While hiding in the closet he hears a voice "Sure is dark in here."

The man panics and turns and finds a little boy. "What're you doing in here?"

"I like hiding, what were you...

A father sees his son riding a brand new $200 bike

A father went on a 2 week business trip. He comes back home and sees his son riding a brand new $200 bike.
Father asks :“Hey son. Where did you get the money for the bike?”
Son goes: “From hiking.”
“Hiking?” The father asks. “How do you get money from hiking?”
Son replies: “Oh, Moms bo...

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A young man is walking down the road carrying chicken wire

He passes by this old man’s house and the old man says, “Hey son, what are you doing with that chicken wire?” The young man says, “I’m going to catch me some chickens.” The old man laughs and says, “You can’t catch chickens with chicken wire.” So the young man keeps walking. But sure enough, later t...

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A rapist and con artist get caught by the sheriff in a small town.

The town doesn’t have much money to take care of prisoners so the sheriff gets an idea. He decides he’ll charge money to let the townspeople punish the crooks and use the money to keep them in jail for as long as he can. The sheriff figures even a short stay in jail will be plenty after a little “ju...

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An elderly man was having a stroll on the boardwalk when he came by a fisherman yelling..

"Damn fish for sale, only $5. Damn fish for sale, only $5!"

The elderly man walked up to the fisherman and exclaimed "That fish is the source of your livelihood. You shouldn't disrespect it by calling it a damn fish." The fisherman was taken aback and told the elderly man that he meant no di...

The drunk father

"Hey son. Do you know what an alcoholic is seeing?" A father asked his son, Max.

"No," replied Max.

"See those 4 trees? An alcoholic would see 8." The father said.

"But there's only 2," replied Max.

My grandpa's favorite joke

Two guys are driving from Kansas to Maine and they drive by a sign for Worcester, MA. They both look at eachother and say, 'how the hell do you pronounce that?" The driver says "War-chester", the passanger says, "Nah, its gotta be "wir-ster". They argue a bit and decide that the only way to know for...

I still remember my father's last words before he kicked the bucket.

"Hey son, wanna see how far I can kick this bucket?"

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A father and son go fishing

While fishing the father cracks open a beer, the son says dad can I have a beer? The father asks can your Dick touch your asshole? “No” said the son, the father said you can’t have one then. A little while later the father lights up a cigar, the son asks dad, can I have a cigar? The father asks does...

Two parents are arguing about whose child is the most stupid.

"Mine is very stupid", says the first one. "And to show you what I mean: Hey son, take this dollar and go buy my a piano! You saw him! He's going!"

"Nah... mine is even more stupid" replies the second one. "Hey son, go to the cafeteria to check if I'm there. Check him out!! He left."

L...

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One day, a boy comes home from school and sees his dad on the porch drinking a whiskey.

The boy says: hey dad can I try some of that?
Dad replies: can your dick touch your asshole?
Boy says: no
Dad says: well then, you can’t have any

Next day, the boy comes home and sees his dad smoking a cigar on the porch.

The boy says: hey dad can I try some of that?
Da...

Walter White decided to buy a pizza for his son

Walter: Hey son I bought you a pizza so you can share it with your friends.

Flynn: Thanks dad, how much do I owe you?

Walter: It's on the house.

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A boy askes his dad if he can have a beer. The dad says "Is your dick long enough to touch your asshole?" The boy says no. "Then you're not man enough to have a beer yet."

A few years later he sees his dad having a cigar, and he asks if he can have a cigar too. The dad says "Is your dick long enough to touch your asshole?" The boy, again, says no. "Then you're not man enough to have a cigar yet."

A few more years pass, and the son buys a lottery ticket, and win...

My son came home from school and I immediately asked him:

"Hey son, what has 4 legs but isn't alive?"

"Dad, you told me that one yesterday" he said, looking annoyed. "It's a chair."

"Not this time son...the mailman ran over your dog today."

Harry is taking a stroll through the woods....

...when he finds a large hole in the ground. The hole seems ridiculously deep, so Harry takes a small rock and throws it down the hole. Then he listens for the sound of the rock hitting the ground below. He doesn't hear anything, so next he tries a larger rock. Still, no sound. He looks around for s...

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Old timer sitting on his porch and saw a kid pass by carrying a duck tape

Old timer sitting on his porch and saw a kid pass by carrying a duct tape. Old timer asked the kid "hey son what are you going to do with that duct tape?" The boy said " im going to catch some ducks with it". Old timer said " you cant catch ducks with that". The boy said "watch me old man".

L...

A dad and mom bring home a baby boy.

The dad is so excited, practically jumping up and down in joy to start popping dad jokes left and right. "honey calm down. You have to wait till he's at least 5 to start telling them to him" the mom says, to which the dad replys, "then I will wait."

On the sons fifth birthday the dad walks up...

Happy birthday!

A drug dealer has been in prison for a few years, when he seemingly has a change of heart and asks to speak with a DEA agent.

He says to the agent, "My father's got a farm out in the country. Behind this house, there's a big ole wood pile. I hit a stash of money and drugs inside one of the l...

Son was playing on the beach, making a sand castle with a plastic bucket and shovel.

Hey son, I think your bucket is getting sick. It's starting to look a little pail.

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A man brings his young son to a bar...

... and orders a beer. The son asks "Daddy, can I have a beer too ?"

The father asks "Son, does your penis reach your asshole yet ?

- Well I don't think so no

- You can't drink then."

Then the father lights a cigarette. The kid asks "Daddy, can I smoke too ?

- Son,...

At the behest of my mother...

"HEY son, did you know Yoda has a surname?"

"Oh? What is it?"

"Yoda-lay-hee-hoo"

I fully expect the down votes.

A kid comes home from school

Mom: Hey son, what did you learn at school today?
Son: Well, apparently not enough.
Mom: And why’s that?
Son: We have to go back tomorrow!

The Waiter and the Tip

A Waiter greeting a young couple at a table, recognizes that the man he is serving is Bill Gate's son, Rory Gates! Excited at the prospect of a generous tip, the waiter tried his best to please Mr.Gates and his date. Sure enough, when the couple was done with their dinner, they had left a tip of $10...

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A man purchases a lie detector that will slap you if you are lying...

A man purchases a lie detector that will slap you if you are lying. The detector is a small robot. He tries it at dinner for the first time.

Father: 'Hey son, what you've done this morning?'

Son: 'I was in school.'

*Robot slaps son*

Son: 'Okay, I've been watchin a movie i...

BTS

Dad: Hey son, I really like listening to BTS!

Son: K, Pop.

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A nudist walks into a bar...

He sits down at a barstool and asks the bartender for a pint. The bartender brings him a pint and says, "Hey son, I noticed you had a butt plug in when you walked in. Kinda odd for a nudist like yourself, don't you think?"

The nudists sighs and says, "There is actually a story behind that...

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Welders mask

A kid is playing in his front yard wearing his dad's welders mask. A car pulls up and the guy driving shouts out "Hey kid, I have some candy want to go for a ride?"
The kid gets into the car and he's sitting there with the welders mask on. They are driving for a little bit when the driver lean...

The Silent Wife

Father : hey Son! why is your mother sitting so silent today?
Son: nothing Dad. She asked for lipstick and i heard
" GLUE STICK "
Father : God bless u son !!

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