UPJOKE

Hey Baby Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hey baby are you a Communist?

Because i can feel an uprising in my lower class.

Hey baby, call me Colgate

Because 9 out of 10 dentists recommend me in your mouth.

Hey baby did you get your pants on sale?

Because in my house they're 100% off.

Hey Baby, are you russian?

Because you seem to be influencing my erection.
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*Full Disclosure: Someone else made this as a snarky comment on a politics subreddit and I realized it would make a good joke*

Hey baby are you my GPA?

Because you look like you'd disappoint my parents.

Hey baby, are you a body bag?

Cuz you're dead inside.

Hey baby, are you a GPU?

Cause I wanna make you mine.

A boy goes up to a girl and says "hey baby what's up"...

She says "I have a boyfriend", he says "I have a math test".

The girl says "What's that got to do with anything?", he replies "I thought we were just naming things we are going to cheat on."

**EDIT**: Okaaay, this is on the front page? It's a joke my friends 9 year old son told me that...

I called my wife's phone using my best friend's phone. She answered with "Hey baby"...

She knew it was me before I even spoke. True love at it's finest.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A prostitute approached me and said, “Hey baby! $500 for anything you want.”

I asked, “Anything??”

She said, “Anything you desire. You just need to say it in 3 words.”

I thought about it for a minute and said, “Paint my house.”

Hey baby, are you the coronavirus?

Cause I wanna stay in bed with you for 2 weeks.

"Hey baby, what's your sign?"

"Do not enter."

Hey baby are you a winter storm

Because 1 to 3 inches is in your forecast.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hey baby, there is only gonna be 7 planets soon...

Because I'm gonna destroy Uranus

Hey baby, are you integration by substitution?

Because I'd like to replace my X with U.

Hey baby do you shop at Aldi?

Cause you'll love Aldi's nuts.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

F**ck cheesy chat-up lines, we need better break-up lines:

Hey baby, are you being followed? Because I've been seeing people behind your back.

Is it hot in here, or are you just suffocating me in this relationship?

I didn't know angels flew this close to the ground. Maybe that's because this angel's gained a little weight since we started goin...

Hey baby do you have the Corona virus?

Because I can’t stop looking achoo

Hey baby, did you drop from heaven?

Because it looks like you fell face first

Hey baby, are you a parking ticket?

Because I'd like to pay you for the mistake I've done

Hey baby, are you Britain?

Cos you're uncomfortably wet and can't decide if you want to be in or out

Hey baby are you free tonight?

Because I don't have any money

A boy goes up to a girl and says "hey baby what's up"...

She says "I have a boyfriend", he says "I have a math test".

The girl says "What's that got to do with anything?", he replies "I thought we were just naming things we are going to cheat on."

Hey baby, are you a wood chipper?

Cuz I wanna put a baby in you.

Hey baby, are you a cloud server?

Because I have something to upload from my hard drive.

Hey baby, are you an introductory credit card offer?

Because your terms are hard to understand and you keep saying you have no interest.

Hey baby, if you were in a beauty contest...

You would come in second place.



Because Nobody looks better than you.

Hey Baby are you Rockefeller?

Because I think we should Horizontally Integrate.

Husband: Hey baby, hold my jock strap.

Wife: That's disgusting why would I hold your jock strap?

Husband: Well I always hold your purse for you.

Wife: That's not remotely the same.

Husband: Why not, they both hold our junk.


Credit to /u/WhistleWhileYouLurk.

Hey baby, can I take your derivative....

So I can lay tangent to those curves.

Hey baby, if I were a gorilla exhibit

I'd let you drop a kid in me.

Hey baby are you the bottom of my laptop?

Cause you’re hot and I’m getting nervous

Hey baby do you build portable wienerschnitzels?

Because you make my hotdog stand

Hey baby, are you the nuclear war between America and Russia?

Because neither of us want to come first, but both want to fire

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Me: Hey baby, you want some great sex...... Her - No.

Me : You came to the right guy.

Hey baby, is your name Polio?

Because I am stiff below the waist

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man tries to pick up a woman from the bar. [NSFW]

Man: Hey baby, what's it gonna take for me to take you home?

Woman: I want 9 inches and I want it to hurt.

Man: How about I fuck you 3 times and hit you with a chair?

Hey baby, are you a C major scale?

'Cause you look all natural to me.

Hey baby, have you got a time machine?

Cuz' I could go back in time to approach you with a better pickup line than this one

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hey baby, if you like self-deprecating guys with crippling neuroses...

...then I'd probably still find a way to fuck this up.

The hells angels are riding....

On January 13th, a group of HELLS ANGELS, California bikers were riding along Colorado Street in Pasadena when they saw a girl about to jump off Pasadena's Suicide Bridge. So they stopped.
John, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the S...

Hope y'all like!

A guy walks up to a girl and says "Hey baby, I'm a pescatarian."

She says "that's the worst pickup line I've ever heard."

So he says "whatever, there's plenty of fish in the sea."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Works as a pick up line

"Hey baby, what does your butthole and a 9 volt battery have in common?"

"I know I shouldn't stick my tongue on it, but I still kinda want to."

A joke for my granddaughter

My daughter had a baby girl yesterday and we live 1000 miles apart. I texted my daughter a first joke for the baby.



Me: Hey baby. Do you know why the chicken crossed the road?

Baby: Of course I know the answer to that old joke, Granny. Do you think I was born yesterday?

Nerdy pickup line

Hey baby, are you a compressed file format, because rar.

^^^^^now ^^^^^where ^^^^^did ^^^^^I ^^^^^put ^^^^^the ^^^^^bleach...

A couple were living together after five years of being together

One day the girlfriend is in the kitchen and on top of the fridge she finds $10000 and four eggs. She is baffled by what the money and eggs would be doing there, so she goes and asks her boyfriend about it. “Hey baby, why is there $10000 and four eggs on the fridge?” Her finding it jolted him. “Oh. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Married Woman Tries to Spice Up Her Sex Life

Woman: Hey baby, I just shaved my Pussy. Do you know what that means?...........
Man: Yes, the fucking shower drain is clogged again.

Neanderthal pickup lines...

“Hey baby, I’m fully erect.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some funny pick up lines

Do you have a map? Cause I just got lost in your eyes.

If your left leg is Halloween, and your right leg is Christmas, CAN I COME IN BETWEEN HOLIDAYS?

My love for you is like diarrhea, i just can't hold it in.

If i said you had a hot body, would you hold it against me?

Ni...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sailor walked into a bar after a long time at sea.

Desperate to get down to business, he walked up to a sexy blonde and asked, “Hey baby, do you like sea men?”

She replied, “Not really. Too salty!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

For some reason she didn't like my pick-up line.

"Hey baby, I think of you when I masturbate.
And I masturbate a lot."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Chinese man stumbles home late one night really drunk...

Seeing his wife at the top of the stairs he says "hey baby how about a little number 69!"

The wife replies, "you drunk sonofabitch, make your own Mongolian Beef Stew!"

A male unexploded landmine was in love with a female unexploded landmine and he said to her ...

"Hey baby, we should bang sometime."

What is the mathematician's favorite pick-up line?

Hey baby, wanna see the exponential growth of my natural log?

Two Hydrogens walk into a bar and spot an Oxygen

Feeling adventurous, they approach her and ask "Hey baby, can we interest you in a waterway?"

My toddler tried out and age aproporiate pickup line

"Hey baby, you've got some fiiiiiiine motor skills."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bill Clinton gets a new receptionist

Bill Clinton gets a new, hot receptionist in the white house. She is setting up her desk when all of a sudden the intercom buzzes

Bill: "Hey baby, could you come in here for a second? I want to show you my new clock."

Secretary: "yes sir, ill be right there"

She opens the door a...

Nerdy pickup line.

Hey baby, Are you uranium because I'm Iodine and if it was up to me I would rearrange the periodic table around and put U and I together. ;)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ted Nugent

Ted Nugent is driving down the interstate late at night when nature begins to call. He sees a sign for a rest stop. He says to himself, "Oh man, I know what goes on at these places at night, but I gotta go!"

So he pulls in to the rest stop, looks in the bathroom and finds it empty. Relieved...

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