Having A Baby Jokes

For instance, my name, address, and telephone number!

A man and his pregnant wife live in a very rural part of Newfoundland in Canada. Late one night during a heavy rainstorm, his wife goes into labor. The husband sends for the doctor, who arrives and he and the husband have to hold lanterns because they had no electricity or other fancy things in that... read more

The best thing about having a baby is that you can tell them "you suck" for an entire year and be scientifically accurate

I just haven't decided which one yet.

This has been a debate over the ages: which hurts worse, getting a swift kick to the nuts or birthing a child. It's kind of hard to say since men and women are quite different creatures, but I have noticed something. If a woman goes through childbirth, sometimes a year or so later, she'll ask to hav... read more

Edit: THIS BLEW UP!

Edit 2: this post is on FIRE! Thanks!

The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad.

The wife says, "Is it a boy or a girl?"

The logician says, "Yes."

The husband says, "Let's name him Pete!", after hearing the results show that it's a boy.

But the wife says, "Honey, I'm having twins."

"Well then the second one is called RePete."

and I don’t, so we’re going to compromise. We’re having a baby but I get to name it. So I’m going to call it Brexit, because although only half of the people involved want it to happen, it’s going to happen anyway.

Someone has got to go stop her!

The father looked at the nurse with a scared face and said “I’d rather my baby be born with a liver.”

When I came back the boss asked “So was it a boy or a girl?”

I said “I don’t know, I’ll tell you in 9 months”

When the baby comes out he looks at the doctor and says "are you my dad?", he says no I'm the doctor. The baby then looks around to another man and asks "are you my dad?", the man says no I'm your uncle. The baby then looks around again and says to the person closest to his mother "are you my dad?" ... read more

Y'know, cause it's in-bread.

It's awesome because all her nieces and nephews will have an Aunt Artica.

But I usually get eight solid hours of sleep every month.

The first royal jaffa!

me: no way!! what’s it gonna be

Doctor: *looks me up and down* ugly

"This could use some salt."

But Han shot first.