UPJOKE
happy ending

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Happily ever after

Bob was tired of being single but he was extremely insecure about his dick. He decided to join a church and woo a really shy woman to make his wife.

He found a decent woman who showed up to church every Sunday. She was quiet and always kept to herself. After a year of dating her she a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess...

"Will you marry me?"


The Princess said "NO!"


And the Prince lived happily ever after, and rode motorcycles, and went fishing, and hunting, and played golf, and fucked women half his age, and drank beer, and scotch and had tons of money in the bank, and scratched his balls...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, "Will you marry me?" The Princess immediately said, "No!"

And the Prince lived happily ever after, and rode motorcycles and dated thin, long-legged, full-breasted women and hunted and fished and raced cars, and went to titty bars and dated ladies half his age and drank whiskey, beer, and Captain Morgan, and never heard bitching and never paid child support...

How to live happily ever after ?

Jerry and his wife never fought for 25 years of their marriage. A friend asked him how he had managed to make it possible.

He narrated, ‘We went for our Honeymoon in Australia 25years ago, and while riding on a horse, my wife’s horse jumped and my wife fell down. She then got up, patted the H...

My wife asked what I'd do without her.

Apparently "live happily ever after" wasn't the correct answer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Are you TIRED of ads?

Now is your chance! Get 2% off till December 23 and buy the ultimate "no-ads-ever-again" gift for family or yourself (only $9.99 instead of $10.09)! Check out our store and be sure to subscribe to our quarter-hourly e-mail newsletter (newsletters include, but are not limited to, ads, advertisements,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Marital Advice

Mike was going to be married to Jane, so his father sat him down for a little chat. He said, 'Mike, let me tell you something....
On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants, handed them to your mother,my wife and said, 'Here, try these on!

She did and said, 'These are...

A fairy tale for men

One day a handsome young man proposes to his girlfriend, but she says no.

And the man lives happily ever after!

Friend of mine just got his wife pregnant. Told him it reminded me of this joke.

This very young and innocent country girl fell madly in
love with this Greek guy and was determined to marry him.
Her mother tried hard to stop her, but when she knew she
couldn't stop her daughter, she said to her, "Listen child,
marry him and may you live happily ever after. But t...

Three Army Lieutenants have to cross a river for infantry training.

The first one prays to God and says "Lord give me the strength to cross this river." There is a flash of light and he is granted stronger arms to swim.

The second one says "Lord give me the endurance to cross this river." Another flash of light and he is granted strong lungs to help him swim....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men find themselves at the pearly gates.

The first one approaches Saint peter. "Welcome to heaven's highways my friend" Peter says, "let me ask you, have you ever committed adultery or cheated on your spouse?". The first man admits there was one woman he had dated a while ago, but he apologized to his wife and ended it pretty quickly. Pete...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A middle age guy is walking inside the forest. He saw an old lady on his way....

The old lady told him, "hey there young man, I am a princess from far, far, away land but I've been cursed and the only cure is if someone is going to have sex with me for an hour, no breaks. I will make you my prince once I got back my identity and we will live happily ever after ". The guy was hes...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NO Speak English

A Russian woman married a Canadian gentleman and they lived happily ever after in Toronto . The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.

One day, she went to the butcher and w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once upon a time...

Once upon a time there was a prince, who asked a beautiful princess to marry him: “Will you be my wife?”

And she said: “...no.”

And so he lived happily ever after, he went fishing and hunting, met his friends every single day, drunk helluva lot of beer, got wasted, played golf, threw s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A touching love story...

A touching love story...

WIFE:
What would you do if i die?
Will you marry again?

Husband:
No...how can I think of marrying?

Wife-
Why not?
You would need company...for good and bad moments....please get married

Husband:
...oh baby..you are so s...

Living well

Once upon a time there was a small desert village with a single well outside town. One day a young woman went to the well to fetch water, and the well heard her crying, and asked “What’s wrong?”

She stopped her sobbing and asked the well “You can talk?”

“Yes,” said the well. “Long ago,...

Three young princes

Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter, the princess. But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt. 

No matter what; metal, wood, stone, everything she touched would melt. 
Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare mar...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A couple had only been married for two weeks.

A couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies. So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back."

Where are you going, Coochy Coo?" asked the wife.
"I'm going to the bar, Pre...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Sexual Encounter between a Capacitor and an Inductor

One evening, with his charge at full capacity, Micro Farad decided to get a cute coil to discharge him. He went to the Magnet Bar to pick up a chip called Millie Amp. He caught her out back trying self induction; fortunately, she had not damaged her solenoid. The two took off on his megacycle and ro...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.