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Got Fired Jokes

I got fired from a sperm bank...

Every time someone walked in I'd say "get a load of this guy"

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I got fired from my job today for having sex at work.

My boss reamed me out and I said, "What was I supposed to do, she was just lying there naked!"

He shouted, "The autopsy! The fucking autopsy!"

Then he fired me and called me the worst Veterinarian ever.

I got fired from the sperm bank yesterday

Apparently you're not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say, "get a load of this guy" every time someone walks in.

**Edit:** Did not expect this joke to take off. Made it to the front page for a little while.

**Edit 2:** Thank you for the gold kind stranger.

I got fired from my job as a masseur.

There wasn't any specific incident, apparently I just rub people the wrong way.

I got fired from the bomb squad today :(

It's too bad really.....

I had a blast working there!

I got fired from my job at a bank today

Some elderly lady asked me to check her balance.


So I pushed her over.

Just got fired from my job at the keyboard factory.

They said I wasn't putting in enough Shifts.

But to be honest, I had been looking for an Escape for a while.

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A man got fired from his job

A man got fired from his packaging job at a produce factory. Comes home and wife asksed how it happened.
He: I was feeling hot, so I stuck my dick into the pickle slicer.
She: Oh no! Is your dick ok?
He: Yeah, my dick is fine. They fired me for some workplace ethics rule.
She: And what a...

I got fired from the unemployment office on Friday.

My boss said, “Clean our your desk, and I’ll see you in the office on Monday.”

I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer “Smoking” or “Non-smoking”.



Apparently the correct terms are “Cremation” and “Burial”.

Got fired from my job at the keyboard factory

At first I just wasn’t putting in enough shifts, then I couldn’t keep the space clean and finally I lost control

I don't know why I got fired from the suicide hotline...

I was doing a great job. They never called back for more help.

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I got fired for sticking my dick in the pickle slicer at work.

She got fired too.

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A stripper got fired for telling me who to vote for

Apparently pole workers can't do that

I got fired from my job at the dollar store

My boss was angry that I consistently gave out the wrong change. Apparently, I lack cents ability.

I got fired from my job as a chef for stealing kitchen equipment.

It's a whisk I was willing to take.

I got fired from the catapult factory...

...because I'd been firing people from the catapult factory.

I just got fired from my job as a taxi driver.

Turns out people don’t like it when you go the extra mile for them.

Got fired from work

I banged my knee at work the other day; management fired me.







Surprisingly they didn't fire the Chinese intern, Mi Nee

I had a job at the cemetery, but I got fired...

Apparently, my grave mistakes were dead giveaways.

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My brother got fired from his job because he had sex with one of his patients...

its a real shame as he was a great veterinarian

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I got fired from my last job for arranging the vegetables into sexual position

Apparently that's "misconduct" for a special needs teacher.

I got fired on my first day as a car salesman

Customer: "cargo space?"

Me: " no, car no fly, car go roads"

Manager: " can I see you in my office?"

There was a cross-eyed teacher who got fired

Because she couldnt control her pupils.

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So I was telling my wife about how I got fired from the golf course earlier.

Her: How? What happened?

Me: They caught me putting my dick in the golf ball washer.

Her: \*laughs\* So then what happened to the golf ball washer?

Me: She got fired too.

I got fired from my job finishing concrete

I can’t even

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I got fired for wearing a mini-skirt to work

They said the customers complained about my hanging dick

I got fired from my job as a cashier today...

This customer walked in, picked up something from the counter, walked up to the till and said, "I'd like to pay for a Bagel with Cream Cheese.."

I told him clearly, "I'm sorry sir, we only accept cash or credit"

Got fired for being brutally honest...

My boss told me to leave my problems at the door so I told him to go stand by the door.

My mate got fired from his job recently.

He was working in a board games shop, he got fired for stealing.

He was taking a lot of risks.

I got fired from PC World today.

A guy came in the store and asked me what was the best thing for finding your ancestors.


“Probably a shovel” was not the right answer.

I got fired from my job as a math teacher

I was supposed to teach the kids what sine divided by cosine was, but I kept going off on a tangent.

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I got fired today, because my boss caught me masturbating with a vegetable

Apparently nursing homes have strict rules about what you can do with patients.

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Did you hear about the sewerman who got fired?

He was a shit worker.

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My friend got fired from his job at the pickle factory after he got caught with his penis in the pickle slicer.

As for the pickle slicer, she got fired, too.

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The young assistant got fired from the butchers shop, I asked why.....

The butcher replied “I caught him with his dick in the bacon slicer!”

“Oh!” I replied, “what did you do with the bacon slicer?”

“I fired her as well!” said the Butcher.

I just got fired for trying to be flexible at work.

My manager asked me to give him a sec so I told him, "I'll give you all the secs you need."

I got fired from my job today.

It started when I was looking for a job on a streets, and I found a hiring sign for a car wash that was asking for help from Sign Designers. I decided to apply and they accepted me! The Car Wash I was working for was offering wheel cleanings for $4 dollars for the weekend. So I was asked to make a s...

Just got fired from my job as a set designer.

I left without making a scene.

I got fired from Arby's because I couldn't quit scratching my junk.

I don't see what I did wrong! I mean, I had gloves on.

I got fired form the zoo.

Apparently the sign "Don't feed the animals" was only meant for the visitors.

My dad got fired as a road worker because of stealing.

I didn't believe it at first, but when I got home.

All the signs where there.

One of my coworkers got fired for putting dangerous substances in the products.

I don’t think it was completely his fault though. He did asbestos he could.

I got fired from the candle factory

Told them I didn’t want to work wick ends

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I got fired just because I wore a mini skirt!

Appearently my boss doesn't want to see my dick.

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Pedro got fired.

For many years he had a powerful desire to put his penis in the cucumber slicer. Unable to stand it any longer, he sought professional help from the factory psychologist.

After six months, the therapist gave up. He advised Pedro to go ahead and do it or he would probably never have any peace ...

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The sex education teacher at my local high school got fired.

He was teaching the students about ejaculation and it went right over their heads.

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I got fired for not embracing diversity enough

Showing my pornhub search history didn't help.

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A man goes home to his wife, after being fired from his job at a chips factory..

The wife acts surprised, because the man has been employee of the month for 13 months in a row.
She asks "What happened?"
"I got fired for putting my penis in the potato cutter. It's been a dream of mine, and I couldn't resist it anymore", the man replied.
The wife, even more surprised afte...

I got fired today because I asked a customer whether they wanted it "raw or well done"

I was informed I should have said "burial or cremation" instead.

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My uncle used to work in a butcher shop. He got fired for putting his dick in the sausage maker...

...to be fair, she got fired too. But then they got married and had a couple kids, so it all worked out.

Got fired today because I asked a crying kid where his parents were

I loved working at an orphanage

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I once got fired from a clock factory.

and after all those extra hours I put in...

And then I got fired from the keyboard factory.
They said I wasn't putting in enough shifts.

And then I got fired from the calendar company. I put in 8 days a week and they were PISSED!!!

Just got fired from my new job as a supply chain manager...

My boss just said, "That's LIFO."

I Got Fired From My Last Job

\- Why?

\- I Opened A Window.

\- Just Because Of That? Where Did You Work?

\- ...The Submarine

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I just got fired from my job as a mailman because my boss thinks I’m completely incompetent.

Shit. Meant to post this somewhere else.

I just got fired from my job as a bingo caller...

Apparently, "A meal for two with a hairy view" is *not* an appropriate way of calling out number 69...

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Did you hear about the prostitute who got fired for going on strike?

She just didn't give a fuck.

I got fired on the first day of my new job at the hospital

Apparently telling all the COVID patients to stay positive is not a good thing.

I’m not having much luck with jobs lately.

I wasn’t suited to be a tailor.

The muffler factory was just exhausting.

I couldn’t cut it as a barber.

I didn’t have the patience to be a doctor.

I wasn’t a good fit in the shoe factory even though I put my soul into it.

The paper shop folded. Pool maintenance...

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Bill has worked in a pickle factory for several years

One day he confesses to his wife that he has a terrible urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.

His wife suggests that he see a therapist to talk about it, but Bill vows to overcome this rash desire on his own.

A few weeks later, Bill returns home absolutely ashen.

Hi...

I Just got fired from Google

Because I yelled Yahoo! after completing my morning Sudoku at the office

I recently got fired as an architect

An earthquake came and the building collapsed because it wasn’t stabilized and I said it wasn’t my fault

I got fired from the bank

I don’t know why, the people seemed to love me.

Everybody that spoke to me gave me a tip!

Do you hear about the clown that got fired on his first day at the circus?

He’s suing for fun fair dismissal

I just got fired from my job in Museum

They said they're not happy with my work here, which is ridiculous, i only worked here for 2 days and already sold 2 picassos.

I got fired from my job at Pepsi

I tested positive for Coke

I got fired from the unemployment department.

They're still paying me though.

I just got fired for making a typo. It’s unreal. Like IT’S A TYPO! It’s not a big deal.

Firstly, “ie” and “y” are often interchangeable. Secondly a neon sign saying “Comedy Here” is way less eye-catching. And thirdly, the client said it themselves, they’d never had so many people walk in their door.

I got fired from my last job even though I always gave 100%.

Apparently that's not how you grade exams.

I worked at a restaurant that specializes in pizza, but I got fired for getting my finger caught in the dough roller...

...she got fired too.

I got fired from my job at the calendar factory

I got fired from my job at the calendar factory a couple weeks ago, and all I did was take a few days off.

But it's alright, I think I'm going to become a mirror washer.

It's something I can really see myself doing

Just got fired as an IT consultant

It all went wrong when my lady boss told me to grab the rack.

I got fired from my job at the funeral parlor.

My boss thought "smoking or non smoking?" was an inappropriate way to ask if they wanted cremation.

My friend got fired

VERY SAD DAY for a friend of mine of after 7 yrs of medical school and training has been fired for one small indiscretion. She slept with one of her patients and can no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, money and training. She's still paying on her school loans. This goes to show ...

Once I got fired from my job just because I was eating chips while I was working.

And after that, I couldn't get a job at any of the other casinos either.

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A worker at a cucumber factory had this strange urge...

He wanted to stick his dick into the cucumber cutter. The urge was growing and growing until he decided to visit a psychiatrist.

The psychiatrist found that the only way to heal the urge was to actually go ahead and do it.

The next day the worker came home early, his wife asked why. As...

I just got fired from the pasta factory :(

I made a fusili mistakes.

I think I just got fired from my new job.

I thought I'd make a great lumberjack, but the boss just gave me the axe.

I just got fired from the post office

My supervisor took me into his office and we actually had a really good conversation. He told me that I wasn't meeting expectations in my current position, and that they didn't have any other jobs open at the moment. I said that I could see where he was coming from, and that I had no hard feelings. ...

I just got fired from newspaper.

I forgot an article.

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A man comes home to his wife from his job at a relish factory one day...

He has a confused, lost look on his face, so his wife asks what's wrong.

The man turns to her and says, "I've been having the strangest urge at work lately."

His wife, being the caring woman she is, asks "What is it."

The man sighs and says, "I keep wanting to put my dick in the...

Fifty clowns got fired from the circus.

Luckily, it freed up three parking spots.

What happened when the composer got fired for being too experimental?

He went baroque.

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I got fired from the keyboard factory yesterday

I wasn't putting in enough shifts, which I thought was some capital bullshit. They're such Ctrl freaks and now I need to find alternate work

Just got fired from da carpet factory.

I can't understand it. I kept telling dem how much I love working on da rugs.

Boudreaux and Thibodeaux got fired

They go to the unemployment office and Boudreaux goes in first. The man behind the desk says “Mr. Boudreaux, I’m sorry to hear that you lost your job. What did you do for a living?” Boudreaux replies “I’m a diesel fitter.” The clerk says, “Okay, diesel fitter is skilled labor, so we can give you...

Almost got FIRED

I texted one of my ex-bosses once asking for a funny joke.

He texted back "I am very busy now."

I said "That's hilarious. Give me another one"

Did you hear Jussie Smollett got fired from ‘Empire?’

I heard he’s really beating himself up over it.

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