I saw a good looking guy at McDonalds spank his kid for throwing his fries on the ground.

So I threw my fries on the ground too

Hackers took over our system and won't give us back access to our files until we tell them how good looking they are.

It's a handsomeware attack.

What do you call a good looking chair?

Chair-is-matic!

Benny was never a good looking guy, but one day...

Benny was never a good looking guy, but one day when he was 40 years old, his fairy godmother came to help. She said,

“Benny, I’ve watched you all of your life, and you’ve never even kissed a girl. I’m going to help. I can make you the best looking man in the world. Women and men will al...

Good looking people are always busy.

I could tell you why but I'm busy right now.

A woman who had no degree, achievements, or useful skills, except for being good looking, used to be known only as a trophy wife

today they're mostly known as social media influencers

A good looking man walked into a singles bar, bought a drink and settled down ready to use his best lines.

But for the next two hours every woman he approached gave him the brush-off. Then suddenly a really ugly guy walked in and within seconds he was surrounded by beautiful, available women. A few minutes later he sauntered out with a stunning brunette on each arm.

The handsome guy was thoroughly...

A good looking lady asks me what I have going on tonight, so I tell her me and a buddy of mine are going glasses shopping.

“Mhmmmm.. and after that?”

“After that, we’ll see”

Why is it so hard for women to find men who are caring sensitive and good looking?

Because those men already have boyfriends.

A good looking young woman walks into a bar and asks the bar tender for a double entendre

So he gives it to her

A good looking woman woman walks in a bar with her boyfriend and says, "you should be lucky to be with me, i am a Maserati in a world of Kia's"

Bemused the man replies, "What? you mean overpriced, unreliable and will lose half of your value in 5 years?"

You don't need to be good looking to be found attractive. You could be funny, smart, and kind.

So looks like I am striking out on a lot of fronts.

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NSFW A typical MACHO man married a good looking lady, and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules.

"I'll be home when I want, if I want, what time I want, and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table, unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card playing when I want with my old buddies, and don't you give me a ...

I always had a pee fetish, I met a girl on tinder with the same interest. She was pretty good looking but not a 10

My opening line was “urinate”

A girl is on a date at the town fair with a good looking guy.

He asks what do you want to do first. She replies "Get weighed". He says OK and they proceed to go to the scale. When they're done, he says "What do you want to do next?" She says "Get weighed". Once again she hops on the scale. Getting frustrated, the guy says one more time "What do you want ...

A good looking girl waved at me today…

but there was no way I was swimming out that far to save her.

A good looking woman walks into a bar wearing a tube top.

She raises her hand to signal the bartender for a beer, revealing that she does not shave her armpits.

Meanwhile, a sloppy drunk on the other side of the bar signals the bartender, "Buy that ballerina over there a drink on me."

The bartender replies, "What makes you think she's a balle...

What is the secret behind good looking legs?

Good jeans

My ophthalmologist is very good looking

She is easy on the eyes too

I hate when I'm about to hug someone really good looking

And then I hit the mirror.

John, look me in the eyes. All of my life I needed a strong, good looking, confident man and you

are the one who can help me find someone like that.

A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking sailor

were shipwrecked on an island. One morning, the sailor climbed a tall coconut tree and yelled, "Stop making love down there!"

"What's the matter with you?" the husband said when the sailor climbed down. '"We weren't making love."

"Sorry," said the sailor, "From up there it looked l...

A good looking guy walks into the drugstore to buy condoms....

The gal working at the drugstore (also very good looking) asks him, "What size do you need?" He responds "I don't know". She looks at him and tells him "There is a fence out back with 3 different sized holes, put your pecker in each one and then tell me which size it was." The guy walks around to th...

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A girls sees a good looking guy at the bar...

as it had been a hard day, she decided to chat him up and take him home with her. "What are you drinking handsome?" she asks, in her sexiest voice. "Magic Beer to make me fly" he replies nonchalantly.
Some what taken aback, but not to be put off, she says "Ha, if it's magic beer then prove it". ...

I'm afraid of good looking guys

That's why I never keep a mirror in my house.

A very good looking man walks into a singles bar

A very good looking man walks into a singles bar, gets a drink and has a seat. During the course of the evening he tries to chat with every single woman who walks into the bar, with no luck. Suddenly a really ugly man, and I mean R-E-A-L-L-Y ugly man walks into the bar. He sits at the bar, and withi...

What did the Maple syrup farmer say when he saw a good looking maple tree?

"I'd tap that."

A handsome man in a suit approaches a young lady at a bar and asks if he can buy her a drink. "Don’t you have a girlfriend?" she asked. "Guys like you always have girlfriends."

He looked downcast, "No, sadly we broke up just over a month ago."

"Oh I'm sorry to hear that," she said, "OK then, I'll have a white wine please."

One glass of wine led to a second. A few drinks later after a kiss and a cuddle they headed off back to her place and made passionate love...

I ran into an old friend from school today who immediately starting bragging about his wonderful life.

Then he pulled out a photo of his wife and said, “She’s beautiful, isn’t she?”

I said, “If you think she’s beautiful, you should see my girlfriend.”

He said, “Why? is she good looking?”

I said, “No, she’s a optician.”

Jack and John decided to go skiing.

They loaded up their mini van and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they were caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door,if they could spend the night.

"I realize its terrible weather out there and I have thi...

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Two guys lost in the woods [NSFW]

Two hunters are lost in the woods and looking for a way back to town. As they wander through the forest they come upon train tracks. It's decided that one would follow it south, the other would follow north. If neither found civilization after five miles, they would turn around and meet back up.
...

Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies

The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his late 40s or early 50s.


"May I help you?" she asked.


"I want to see Valerie," the man replied.


"Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would ...

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A tractor joke

There once was a man who loved tractors, I mean he absolutely LOVED them. He had tractor models, tractor wallpaper, remote control miniature tractors, tractor board games, even some tractor porn(which is not easy to find mind you). The only thing that even came close to his love for tractors, was th...

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Shopping at Tiffany’s

A lady walks into Tiffany’s, looks around, spots a beautiful diamond necklace and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely at it, she unexpectedly farts.
Very embarrassed she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little whoops and prays that a salesman wasn’...

A man goes in to his doctor's for an exam and the doctor says, "Well, I have good news and bad news."

The man says, "Give me the bad news first, Doc." The doctor says, "You've got a rare form of cancer. It's incurable and you have three weeks to live." "Oh my God!" says the patient. "After that, I'm glad there's good news. What is it?" The doctor smiles and points and says, "Do you see that good loo...

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