If I had a dollar for every time I had trouble going to sleep
I’d be able to afford a better mattress
If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep...
That'll give you a reason to get up in the morning
What do you call it when a kid is fighting going to sleep?
Resisting A rest.
(yup! Lamest. Joke. EVER!)
A programmer puts two glasses on his bedside table before going to sleep.
One full of water in case he gets thirsty and an empty one in case he doesn't.
Husband whispers to wife as they're going to sleep
- "Good night, mother of six." - "Good night, father of one" she replies.
*3am going to sleep*
youtube: 3 flips even fat people can learn
I thought I was going to sleep with an Eskimo-girl
But, she wasn’t Inuit.
Tonight I’m going to sleep like a baby!!!
Wake up repeatedly and have to cry myself back to sleep.
While going to sleep, my roommate always says that there is a hideous monster under his bed.
We have a bunk bed.
For some, parents going to sleep means the beatings stop...
For me, that means the beating starts.
What happened to the Native American chief who drank 10 pots of tea before going to sleep?
He drowned in his teapee
You know how some dogs turn around several times before lying down and going to sleep?
They must be watch dogs. That's how they unwind.
Two border collies are going to sleep on their farm.
Suddenly there is a loud noise from the sheep area.
Tom the border collie jumps up asking, "Did you hear that from the sheep, Boomer?"
Boomer the Collie: "Of course I herd them."
An old couple is getting ready to go to sleep…..
The old man lies on the bed, but the old woman lies down on the floor.
The old man asks, ”Why are you going to sleep on the floor?”
The old woman says, “Because I want to feel something hard for a change.”
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
Bob felt tired all the time, so he decided to go to a doctor to check what causes it.
"Okay Bob, could you describe to me how a normal day looks for you?" asked the doctor.
"Well, the first thing I do when I wake up is fuck my wife.
Then I take a shower, get dressed, have breakfast, and fuck my wife. Then I brush my teeth and fuck my wife before going to work.
...
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