Which brand of cars can you buy without going over budget?

A Ford!

So, Jesus is going over the bill for the Last Supper...

So Jesus is going over the bill for the Last Supper when the apostles notice he has closed his eyes, and is rubbing the bridge of his nose. Exasperated, he asks: "Why... WHY would anyone order wine?"

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The teacher is going over the vocabulary words for this week

The teacher is going over vocab words in class. She asks if anyone can use urinate in a sentence.

Little Timmy raises his hand and she calls on him.

>”Tommy says urinate but I fold him that’s asinine”

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During my annual physical, my doctor was going over the results of my blood work with me. After analyzing the results he looked up and told me I was going to need to quit masturbating.

I asked, “*Why??*”

He said, “Because. I’m trying to complete your examination and you’re making things really awkward right now.”

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Little Tommy is sitting in class whilst the teacher is going over vocabulary words....

She asks the class to use a word in a sentence. The teacher says the word is "contagious."

Now Tommy, an Aussie, is waving his arm up and down, and no other students have their arm up. The teacher figures there is no way Little Tommy can come up something rude for this word, and she calls his...

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A teacher is going over farming tools with an inner-city class who'd never seen them.

"Children, does anybody know what this is?"

Little girl puts up her hand. "That's a rake!"

"Very good, Sally. And who knows what this is?"

Little boy puts up his hand. "That's a shovel!"

"Very good, Timmy. It's a shovel. And what about this one?"

Children stare at ...

There are 3 men in a plane going over a city( a little bit long )

The first man is a football player and in the middle of the flight he throws his football out the window and says I won’t need this anymore.
The second guy is a businessman and a few minutes after the first man he throws his suitcase out the window and says I won’t need this anymore.
The thi...

Did you hear about the guy who survived going over Niagara Falls?

He barrel-y made it.

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What did the cop say to the cat going over the speed limit?

That's a fine, pussy.

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A hearse passed me on the highway going over 100 mph...

Some body was in a rush.

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Professor of Logic

So I live in a friendly neighborhood and everyone really likes to talk to their neighbours.

So This new guy moved into my neighborhood and I as a friendly neighbour introduced myself.


"Hi I'm Norm McDonald" so he says something something I don't remember his name. He asks what do y...

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The funeral procession.

I used to go fishing with a feller. Wesley, his name was. Miserable bastard, but he loved to fish. He and I would go out all the time. But one day, we were river fishing... when we see a funeral procession going over a bridge and, out of the blue, Wesley stands up, takes off his hat, bows his head. ...

Is that a bird, is that a plain

It’s a joke going over people’s heads

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NSFW It's Christmas time and the local mailman is doing his rounds...

As he approaches one of the houses on his route the door opens and a beautiful woman is standing there with nothing on but an open button down shirt. She grabs the mailman by the hand and takes him upstairs. After a vigorous session of sex, she gives him a $5 bill and offers to make him breakfast. H...

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