Give Me Five Jokes - 15 Hilarious Give Me Five Jokes

Give me five condoms, please.

"Do you want a bag?"
"No, she's not that ugly."

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A man walks into a bar and says to the barman, "Give me five shots of vodkas."

The bartender brings the drinks, raises an eyebrow and empathetically asks, "What up, man. Rough day?"

The man downs his first shot and says, "Just found out my eldest son is gay. I ain't prejudice, but I was raised how I was raised. I just need a bit of spirit to accept it."

Two night...

A guy wearing a leather jacket told me that if I gave him a hundred bucks he would give me five hundred in six weeks.

It turned out to be just a Fonzi scheme.

A man runs into a bar.

Panting, he tells the bartender, “Give me five shots of your best whiskey; quick!”

The bartender pours the drinks and the man knocks them all back within seconds.

“Why you drinking so fast?” asks the perplexed bartender.

“You’d drink fast too, if you were me.” says the man.
...

A Blonde and a Brunette are sitting next to each other on a plane. The Brunette, a lawyer is getting antsy on the flight and asks the blonde

“ do you wanna play a game? I’ll ask you a question and if you don’t know the answer you’ll give me five dollars, and then you ask me a question and if I don’t know the answer I’ll give you five dollars.”

The blonde says no, and goes to sleep. A half hour goes by and the brunette wakes up th...

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A girl walks in to a bar...

...she says to the bartender "Give me five shots of Jack Daniels." She drinks the five shots, passes out and everyone in the bar fucks her. The next night she goes in to the same bar and says to the bartender "Give me five shots of Jack Daniels." She drinks the five shots, passes out and everyone...

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A man walked into a bar and asks the bartender for five shots of their most expensive liquor.

A man walked into a bar and asks the bartender "give me five shots of your most expensive liquor."

The bartender : "Yeah no problem buddy, here you go. What are you celebrating for?"

The man : "The first blowjob of my life"

The bartender : " Wow congratulations man! Here take ...

The cashier at the Hand Gestures Store told me they were having a sale on slaps today.

So I told him, "Give me five!"

Albert Einstein and Homer Simpson had a bet.

Albert Einstein says “If I can’t answer your question, i’ll give you a million dollars. If you can’t answer my question, you have to give me five dollars.”

Homer says “ok”

Albert Einstein says “I’ll start: What is the capital of France?”

Homer says “lol idk”

Homer gives E...

A Roman gladiator walks into a bar...

...and holds up two fingers. "Give me five beers, please."

Can I borrow ten dollars?

Can I borrow ten dollars, but can you only give me five dollars now?

Why do I only want five dollars, you ask? Well, then you'd owe me five dollars, and I'd owe you five dollars, and then we'd both be even.

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A businessman sits next to a blonde on a plane...

It's going to be a long flight so he turns to her and tries to make small talk, but she ignores him best she can. After trying several times, he finally says "It's going to be a long flight, we may as well get to know one another. Why don't we play a game?" She seems uninterested, so he makes it mor...

A city slicker moves to the country and decides he’s going to take up farming.

He heads to the local co-op and tells the man, “Give me a hundred baby chickens.”

The co-op man complies. A week later the man returns and says, “Give me two hundred baby chickens.” The co-op man complies.

Again, a week later the man returns. This time he says, “Give me five-hundre...

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A tourist is walking back to his hotel from a night of heavy drinking when he suddenly feels the need to pee.

He ducks into a dark alley and relieves himself, when he suddenly hears a raspy voice behind him.

"Hey, hey, mac," the voice says. " Wanna make fifty dollars?"

The man yells, "What!? Who's there!?"

"Relax, man, don't turn around," the voice says. "Listen, man, it's simple. I'll ...

Whats what

A dad gives his son a 5 dollar bill and tells him to go buy 5 dollars worth of whats what. So he goes to the grocery store and says to the manager, excuse me mr manager, can I get 5 dollars worth of whats what? The manager says whats that? The kid says whats what, the manager says get out of here ki...

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