The salesman at the furniture store told me, “This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems"

#

I said, “Where the hell am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”

Why did the proctologist go to the furniture store?

For a stool sample.

This furniture store keeps emailing me...

All I wanted was one night stand!

I'm going to be a furniture store entrepreneur one day.

My first store will be called "Sofa Kingdom".

My second store will be called "Ottoman Empire."

Then people will say "That's Sofa Kingdom also."

Take 2: Someone stole my credit cards and apparently made a purchase in a furniture store.

I only found out when the bank contacted me and told me that my card had been reclined.

One day I’m going to open a furniture store named Sofa King.

That way I can make late night tv commercials and shout “our prices are Sofa King low!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The local furniture store sells stools

I checked out one of their samples and I was unimpressed. It looked like a piece of shit.

What's the difference between a furniture store and our current president?

One is a shack of sit, and the other is a sack of shi\[THIS JOKE HAS BEEN TAKEN DOWN BY THE NSA\]

Me and my friend went to a furniture store

I asked him why he was buying nothing and he said "im just window shoping".

I got kicked out of a furniture store today

I asked one of the cute staff for one night stand.

Did you hear about the guy who robbed the furniture store?

He got the chair.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

“Those are some damn sexy legs” a cute customer said to me while we toured the showroom of the furniture store I work in. I was so flattered- obviously my workout routine was working!

But then he said,
“Oh, I’m talking about that chair over there. I’ll take it”

My boss at the furniture stores said "After what you did, I never want to see you again. You're fired!"

But I regret nothing. Sometimes you just have to take a stand.

So a water bottle waddles into a furniture store...

before long a sales person notices and goes to greet it. "Can I help you find anything?"
"Well, I'm in need of a new couch. I spilled all over it and its ruined." the bottle crinkled out.
"Well you look like one of our VIP customers let me show you a couch you deserve."
They approached...

I tried arguing with the table salesman at the furniture store.

He kept making strong counter arguments, though.

My wife didn’t want to buy a bed from the local furniture store because of their moto...

We stand behind every bed we sell.

My local furniture store has some really weird policies

I Said one of the doors looked cheap and the salesman was all like

"Dont knock It till you've tried It"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Furniture Store

Black guy walks into a furniture store. A salesman rushes over to help him.

Salesman: "Hello sir, how can I help you today?"

Black guy: "Yes, I"m looking for a recliner."

Salesman: "La-Z-Boy?"

Black guy: "No mother fucker, I just want to sit down."

Did you hear about the indignant thief who was caught robbing a furniture store?

He claimed he was being penalised for merely taking a stand.

Salesperson at a big furniture store: "You put no money down and make no payments for 12 months!"

Me (nervously): "Who told you about us?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sexual Sofa

A woman entered a large furniture store and was greeted by a salesman.

"Is there something in particular I can show you?”

“Yes, I'm looking for a sexual sofa.”

“Do you mean a *sectional* sofa?”

“No! I want to get an occasional piece in my living room.”

A man is getting dressed in the gym locker room when the cellphone on the bench next to him begins to ring.

He answers, "Hello?"

"Hi, honey. I'm at that furniture store and, I know we talked about this before, but that dining room set is on sale for $900 and I just don't think I can pass it up this time-"

"Don't worry about it, babe," replied the man. "If it's on sale, you go ahead and pick ...

So I watched a zombie movie recently...

The survivors boarded themselves in an old furniture store. They had a nice camp setup with beds, lounges, workbenches, and thrived for several years. At least until the virus mutated and jumped to inanimate objects. Then the tables turned...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A 25-year-old Jewish girl.....

..... tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting and crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"

Without ans...

Drawing pictures on a date

The owner of a large furniture store in the midwest arrived in France on a buying trip. As he was checking into a hotel he struck up an acquaintance with a beautiful young lady. However, she only spoke French and he only spoke English, so each couldn't understand a word the other spoke.

He to...

A Polish man walks into a store

He walks up to the guy behind the counter and asks for a Kielbasa.

The guy replies ...you're Polish right?

He replies. How did you know???? By the way I pronounced "Kielbasa"

The guy replies "No this is a furniture store"

I was shocked to find out that the woman I love was a one-night-stand type of girl.

So I went to the furniture store and got her another one.

Jimmy and Timmy

Jimmy and Timmy go shopping with their mother. First they stop at Toys'R'Us.
Jimmy begins running around the store going:
"Mommy! I want that action figure! I want those cars! I want that game!"
Mother replies "Of course dear, whatever you want."
Timmy says "Oh Mom! Can I get that toy d...

My sister and I decided that we want to start our own businesses.

She's going to open a furniture store called 'Sofa King' and I'm going to open a soup restaurant next door called 'Stew Pit'.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.