UPJOKE

First Impression Jokes

First impression (NSFW)?

A guy meets a girl at a bar, and they're having a good time. So, they decide to head over to his place. As he is about to open the door, she takes a step back and looks at him.

"What are you doing looking at me like that?"

"Oh, I can tell a lot about how a man makes love by how he open...

My dads best piece of advice growing up was "you only get one chance to make a good first impression"

I've always gone with Schwarzenegger, it's recognisable and its always a crowd pleaser

The Netherlands VS Greece (First impression )

So I moved to Netherlands some years ago and I'd like to share with you my experiences. Feel free to give me feedback in what you think.



So when I first grounded here, first think I did, I googled a super market and went to buy some cigarettes ( DO NOT SMOKE HERE, IT COSTS LIKE 10 EUR...

Foot fetishists are great at first impressions.

They always get off on the right foot.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the church was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little talk at the dinner. However, he was delayed, so the Priest decided to say his own few words while they waited

“I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had s...

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Three sisters were all getting married within a short time period...

...Mum was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started and made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on their first impressions of marital sex.

The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding.

The card said nothing but: ...

Why can't Quentin Tarantino make a good first impression?

He's always getting off on the wrong foot.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

They say first impressions are the most important part of meeting a girl

So there I was, with this crazy attractive Thai girl, then I was thinking dammit have self control...dont get a boner don't get a boner.........and then she did.

I always hate when I move to a new neighborhood because I'm forced to meet all my new neighbors and I'm terrible with first impressions. Ive never had anyone talk to me again after the first time.

All I ever say is, "Hi. My name is Eric Smith and I'm a registered child molester."

Stage Fright

A young actor, new on the scene and nervous about it, is trying to make his first big role count.

In his first onstage appearance, his character has a fairly simple scene to pull off: he walks onstage holding a rose between his fingers. He waves it past his nose with a big whiff, then declar...

I was so excited to be at my girlfriend's parent's house for dinner.

So I decided to make a good first impression by complimenting my girlfriend in front of her parents:

"Let me just start off this dinner by saying that I am delighted to be here with my beautiful girlfriend and her parents. Your daughter is an incredible person. She is kind, witty and, most im...

This naked man walks into a psychiatrist's office ...

He is naked except that he is completely wrapped in head to toe with cellophane. He says, "First impression, doc, am I crazy?"

The doctor says, "Well, normally I don't like making rash diagnoses but in this case it is sooo obvious. Everyone in my entire office can see your nuts."

I recently went to the dentist and he wanted to take a mould of my mouth. When he was done he didn't like the mould so he asked me to do it again.

I said "WHAT?! I usually make a good first impression..."

A young doctor was just setting up his first office when he was told by his secretary that there was a man that wanted to see him.

The doctor wanted to make a good first impression by having the man think he was successful and very busy. He told his secretary to show the man in. At that moment, the doctor picked up the telephone and pretended to be having a conversation with a patient.

The man waited until the "conversa...

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Tracy is invited to her new boyfriends house for dinner.

She is very nervous because this will be her first time meeting his family. She enters the house and meets the family, however she is still
very uneasy about the whole experience. She really likes her new boyfriend and wants to make a great first impression. 

They all sit at the table wh...

I work in the hole punching business. You can call me at 1-800-448-2-463.

I always leave a good first impression!


PS. I work for a printer\publisher and thought of this one while I was punching holes today. I hope the punchline isn't too convoluted.

Meeting the parents

So my girlfriend thought it was finaly about time for me to meet her parents. They lived in Seatle, while I was from this small town called Dixon. I figured I could impress them by bringing some of our finest local cider.

We drove all the way there and I did my best to make a great first imp...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A wealthy urbanite decides that he wants to start a farm...

... so he heads out into the countryside to ask for his cousin's help.

"The way I see it," the man says, "I should probably start small. I'll need a chicken and a rooster, and I'll also need a donkey to haul my cultivator."

The cousin scratches his chin as he listens to this. "Well, ev...

You shouldn't judge a book by its cover...

Unless it's a book about making good first impressions.

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