UPJOKE

Fell Off Jokes

A sheep, a drum and a snake fell off a cliff…

Baa-Dumm-Tssssss….

My girlfriend, Ruth, fell off the back of my bike.

I rode on, ruthlessly.

What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed?

Oh sheet.

Did you hear about the poorly-secured portapotties that fell off the flatbed?

It was a lose-loose-loos situation.

Why didn't anyone hear Helen Keller when she fell off a mountain?

Because she was wearing mittens

What did the cat say when he fell off the table?

"Me-ow."

What happened when the old tractors wheel fell off?

They decided to retire it.

Two morons are sitting on a fence. The big one fell off, why didn't the other?

He was a little more on.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm pissed. The window on my house FELL OFF onto my front lawn!

It's a pane in the grass.

I fell off a 30 foot ladder yesterday.

I'm fine, I was only on the second rung.

Tech support! My computer fell off my desk!

That's not how you back it up.

I was bicycling through a city in France when suddenly my wheel fell off

It was too loose.

I fell off a 50' ladder....

good thing I was on the bottom rung.

My toothpaste fell off of my brush and right onto the floor before I got to brush

I was Crestfallen

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was riding a donkey the other day when someone threw a rock at me and I fell off.

I guess I was stoned off my ass.

I fell off of a 20 foot ladder today at work.

Thankfully I was on the bottom step.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend fell off his motorcycle

He has brain damage and two broken arms. Why the fuck would anyone let him try to ride in that condition is beyond me...

A climber fell off a cliff, and, as he tumbled down, he caught hold of a small branch

"Help! Is there anybody up there?" he shouted.

A majestic voice boomed through the gorge:

"I will help you, my son, but first you must have faith in me."

"Yes, yes, I trust you!" cried the man.

"Let go of the branch," boomed the voice.

There was a long pause, and t...

Some people say DJ Khaled fell off

If he really had fallen off, we'd have felt it.

A construction worker fell off a tall scaffold.

His colleagues dashed over to the edge and looked down in horror as he plummeted towards his death, crashing and bouncing off the metal structure.

A worker gasped in shock, "He will be bloody missed."

His manager replied, "No he's not. He's a splatter on the pavement."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This morning as I was buttoning my shirt, a button fell off. After that, I picked up my briefcase and the handle fell off! Then, I went to open the door and the doorknob fell off!

I went to get into my car and the door handle came off in my hand!

Now, I'm afraid to pee!

I went fishing but my hook fell off, then my line broke, then my pole snapped.

In frustration I threw my broken pole into the water where it hit a fish and killed it.


It was a fluke.

Two drums and a cymbal fell off a cliff.

Ba dum tss.

Did you hear about the French man who fell off his roof onto a pile of bread?

He survived, but was in a lot of pain.

(Le pain means bread in French)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My penis fell off and I forgot how to attach it.

But then I remembered.

My none-too-bright mate had an accident on a building site when a slate fell off the roof and sliced his ear off…

“Here it is” said one of the lads working with him holding up what looked like a bloody walkers ridge crisp.

My mate shook his head “No, that’s not it, mine had a pencil tucked behind it”

Why are the Russian forces in Ukraine using the symbol "Z"?

Because the other half of the swastika fell off due to poor Russian maintenance.

I fell off the ladder the other day...

I lay in pain unable to move for hours. Finally a blonde walks by and I tell her to dial 911. She does as instructed and promptly hangs up. I ask “well, what they’d say? She replies, “well, they asked if I was injured, so I said no and hung up!”

I once had an uncle who fell off the roof of a castle.

He didn’t die, though. He got de-moat-ed.

What do you call a child who fell off the roof?

An ambulance.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I fell off my chair at the bar and pooped my pants

I guess I had a loose stool.

Bob was riding a bike. Bob fell off the bike. Why did Bob fall off?

Someone threw a washing machine at him

100 bricks are on a plane and one fell off, how many bricks are left?

99

How do you fit a giraffe in a fridge?

Open the fridge, take everything out, put the giraffe in and close the door

How do you get an elephant in a fridge?

Open the fridge, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door

The lions hosted a party and a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was sitting on my dolphin, then I fell off.

Butt not on porpoise.

I fell off my step-ladder and hurt myself!

I bet my *real* ladder would have caught me.

A man at a bar fell off his chair

The man tried to stand up but couldn't,
He thought he must just be drunk and some air would help so crawled outside,
When outside he tried to stand but couldn't,
He thought he must just be tired so crawled 5 miles home and went to sleep in his bed,
In the morning he woke up and he tr...

A wedding photographer was tragically killed today when a 250lb wheel of cheese fell off the catering lorry and crushed him.

All the guests tried frantically to warn him, but to no avail.

There where a couple of pigeons sitting on my fence earlier, so I shouted at them and they both fell off and died.

I didn't know you could kill two birds with one's tone.

So last night I fell off my balcony...

Instead of falling and getting really badly hurt, I kinda just floated down to the ground... landing without a scratch.

The news spread fast and everyone was wondering how that happened. I was later asked to explain the whole event, but I couldn't. I guess I just didn't get the whole gravity...

The cat that fell off a roof

A man who lived at home with his mother and pet cat went on a trip to Europe. Before he left he told his best friend to tell him of any emergencies.

A few days into his trip, his cat slipped while climbing the roof, fell off and died. His friend immediately texts him with the message: “Your c...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The woman tells her husband: "the clock fell off the wall and almost hit my mother in the head".

The husband replies: "Shitty clock, always late!".

The guy who fell off the ferris wheel is at the hospital..

He's in fair condition.

I fell off a 50 ft ladder

Thankfully I was on the first rung. (this was on my school's TV monitors today)

A big moron and a little moron were standing on a bridge, the big moron fell off

The other was a little more on.

(Sorry if this is a repost, I just remembered my dad telling it forever ago and thought I'd share because it made me chuckle)

An optimist lost his footing and fell off the top of a tall building

A man on the 18th floor saw it right as it happened. As the optimist was plunging towards certain death, the man calls out “hows it going?”, to which the optimist replied “so far, so good!”

What did the corn cob say when all of its clothes fell off?

OOHH, SHUCKS!

If Hilary Clinton and Donald Trump fell off a cliff who would be saved?

America

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A copy of 'Oliver Twist' fell off the shelf and hit me on the head.

It hurts like the Dickens!


< source: LOL Cats>

What do you call a woman who fell off a cliff?

Eileen Dover...

I lost my skateboard when i fell off and couldn't find it

Then it hit me

What did the German boy say to his brother after their mom fell off a cliff?

Look Hans, no Ma!

Post and Repost were on a boat, Post fell off. Who was left?

Reddit

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was out for a drive when the car suddenly started shuddering and the front wheel fell off.

I stopped and got out trying to figure out what the heck happened.
As I cross the front of the car I can see the tire is in the ditch by a fence that says, St Clements institute for the insane. I can plainly see that the lug nuts have all come off allowing the tire to falloff the car.
I quickl...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A gold one

Man walks into a pet shop and sees a parrot for only $50. Standing next to the cage the man asks, "I wonder why he is so cheap?" "Because I am defective," came the reply. "I've got no legs." A little surprised the man asked, "Well how do you stay on your perch?" The parrot draws him closer and whisp...

I rode to the liquor store yesterday on my bicycle...

I bought a bottle of Rum and put it in the bicycle basket.

As I was about to leave I thought for a moment. If I fall off the bicycle, the bottle might break.

To avoid that, I drank all of the rum before I left the store.

It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell...

Ten little monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and bumped his head.

Mama asked the mom group and the mom group said: Have you tried essential oils? I hear hyperactivity is a vaccine injury. I'm calling CPS.

Someone said that I must have hit every branch on the ugly tree when I fell off the top

I had to hang my head and admit that even it wouldn't touch me!

Justin Beiber fell off stage last night at a concert in Canada.

He suffered only minor injuries according to his gynecologist.

I fell off my bike 3 days in a row

Its a vicious cycle

I tried.

My girlfriend fell off a fishing boat just off the coast of Maine and was devoured by a giant shellfish.

You might say a New England clam chowed her.

Why was the egg laughing when it fell off the table?

Because it cracked itself up.

I’m writing this from the hospital and the doctors said I’m extremely lucky. Today I fell off a 20ft ladder

Lucky for me I was only on the first step, thanks for the thoughts and prayers

What did the blanket say when he fell off the bed?

Aw sheet!


One of my favorite, cheesiest jokes of all time. Thought it would be a good first post to Reddit!

When I was in Paris I got rip-roaring drunk and fell off a bridge into the river

It was in Seine

My friend fell off a cliff and I was just in time to grab his rope.

It was a tense situation.

When Santa fell off the sled and broke his leg, he knew he would be well looked after

You see Santa had private elfcare.

There was a church that had a bell that no one could ring.

One day, a boy came and asked the priest if he could try. He went up into the tower and ran straight into the bell face-first. The bell tolled loud and clear. The priest gave him the job.
One Sunday, the boy ran straight toward the bell with his face and missed, so he fell off the tower and died....

Pete and Repeat were sitting on a bridge, Pete fell off, who was left?

Repeat

Pete and Repeat were sitting on a bridge, Pete fell off, who was left?

Repeat

Pete and Repeat were sitting on a bridge, Pete fell off, who was left?

You guys hear that Bono fell off the stage at the big U2 concert last night?

He got a little too close to the edge.

I was walking along the road when a tile fell off a roof and just missed my shoulder.

It hit my head.

My dog is an amputee and his fake leg fell off while we were showing it to our friends.

It was quite the faux paw.

My dad is German and dropped this one on me the other day.

Dad: I never told you this but, my great grandfather died in the holocaust.

Me: Oh, man thats terrible.

Dad: Yeah, he got really drunk one night and fell off of the guard tower.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.