UPJOKE

Drunk Woman Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A slightly drunk woman is watching tv...

She yells, "Don't go there! Don't go up the stairs! Don't go into the church you dumb bitch!"

Her husband asks, "What are you watching?"

"Our wedding video."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A clearly inebriated woman, stark naked, jumped into a taxi in New York and laid down on the back seat.

The cab driver, an old Jewish gentleman, opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman.

He made no attempt to start the cab.

The woman glared back at him and said, “What’s wrong with you, honey? Haven’t you ever seen a naked woman before?”

The old Jewish driver answered, “Let me ...

A drunk woman, stark naked, jumped into a taxi at Fortitude Valley in Brisbane, Australia ...

The Indian driver opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman. He made no attempt to start the cab.

"What's wrong with you Luv, haven't you ever seen a naked woman before?"

"I'll not be staring at you lady, I am telling you, that would not be proper, where I am coming from..."
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A drunk woman, stark naked, gets into a taxi in New York City.

The cab driver, an old Jewish gentleman, opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman, but made no attempt to start the cab.

The woman glared back at him and said
"What's wrong with you, honey? Haven't you seen a naked woman before?"

The old Jewish guy slowly answered "Let me tell...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A drunk woman was singing loudly on the street below an apartment building

A man shouts out the window, "There are American Idol auditions down the street."

The drunk woman heard this and was intrigued, "Which street?"

"Any of 'em ya cunt!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A drunk woman stumbles into a bar...

She sits down, and says to the bartender, "Beertender! Gimme a drooble martuni, and put a pickle in it."

The bartender, quite fluent in drunkese, pours her a double martini, drops in an olive, and slides it over to woman. She lights up a cigarette, slams the martini, and takes another drag ...

What do you get when you cross a drunk woman with a tactical grenade?

Flash-banged.

;)

Two police officers saw this old woman staggering down the street. Stopping her, they can tell she has had far too much to drink and instead of taking her to jail they decide to just drive her home.

They loaded her into the police cruiser and one of the officers gets in the back with the drunk woman. As they drove through the streets they kept asking the woman where she lived. All she would say as she stroked the officers arm is, "Your Passionate" They drove awhile longer and asked again. Again...

A young married couple are walking down the street...

...suddenly the girl trips and stumbles against something and gets mud on her shoes. Her partner helps her clean up, hails a nearby taxi and they drive off.

An eyewitness retells the scene to another:
"I saw this couple walk down the street, the woman tripped and fell in the mud, the guy h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Bear walks into a bar in Butte...

Walks up to the Bartender and says "Gimme a beer"

Bartender says "No way, get out! We don't serve beers to bears in bars in Butte!"

Drunk woman at the end of the bar says "You heard the man bear, get out!"

Bear says again "I'm asking nicely, please give me a beer"

Bartend...

Quasimodo is drinking at a bar.

He sees this extremely drunk woman. He starts chatting her up and one thing leads to another and they wind up in bed back at Quasimodo’s room at Notre Dame.

The girl wakes up the next morning severely hung over and with little recollection of where she is and who she slept with. She pulls the...

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