UPJOKE

Drink Alcohol Jokes

When I drink alcohol, people call me alcoholic. But when I drink fanta, no one calls me

or texts me, I'm so lonely, pls help.

Doctor: You don’t look too good. Do you smoke or drink alcohol?

Me: I drink it.

I drink alcohol without hesitation, but drugs,

…drugs is where I draw the line.

I don't drink alcohol anymore

But I don't drink alcohol any less either

Why do people with problems drink alcohol?

It's a solution

People think I don't care about my own well-being because I smoke cigarettes and drink alcohol...

That's not true at all! I just happen to like cigarettes and alcohol. I'll have a cigarette and a beer at the same time, but I'll still be wearing my seatbelt while I do it.

I only drink alcohol on days that start with a "T"

Today and tomorrow

We all know Donald Trump doesn’t drink alcohol. But did you know he won’t drink non-alcoholic beer either?

It’s fake booze.

Why don't math majors like to drink alcohol?

Because they don't like to drink and derive.

Three guys go fishing...

Three guys go fishing. In the front of the boat is a cooler full of beer.

The first guy stands up and says, "I'm a Muslim and we believe that God does not want us to drink alcohol. We also believe that God is watching us all the time. Since God is watching me right now, I will not drink ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Policeofficer stops a guy

so; the police officer stops a guy midnight on an empty street.
"what we got here? you seem to be drunk" says the officer

the guy in the car replies; "sir, i'm not drunk, i dont drink alcohol, i'm just on my way home"

officer: "sounds like something a drunk guy would say, lets do a ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I want to live my next life backwards

You start out dead and get that out of the way.

Then you wake up in an old age home feeling and start feeling better every day.

Then you get kicked out for being too healthy.

Enjoy your retirement and collect your pension.

Then when you start work, you get a gold watch ...

A Maulvi was standing outside a bar preaching...

A Maulvi was standing outside a bar preaching to people not to drink alcohol because it is haram.

Abdul said, "Maulvi Sahib have you ever tasted whiskey?"

Maulvi said, "No"

Abdul said, "Try drinking once.

At first, the Maulvi kept refusing, then s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy is walking up to a pub and is stopped outside by a nun.

"You're not going in there to drink alcohol now are you?" she says.


"Sure am." he replies.


"You know it's a sin right?"


"I'm an atheist."


"Well, what would your parents think?" she asks.


"I'm an orphan."


"Well... You know ...

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