UPJOKE

Dog Owner Jokes

A couple of dog owners are arguing about whose pet is smarter.

"My dog is so smart," says the first owner, "that every morning he waits for the paperboy to come around. He tips the kid and then brings the newspaper to me, along with my morning coffee."

"I know," replied the second dog owner, "my dog told me."

Little old lady to dog owner:

"Is that your German Shepherd outside?"

"Yeah, so what?"

"Well, my cat just killed it."

"Ha! How could your cat kill my dog?"

"It got stuck in his throat."

A guy sits down in a movie theater and notices that the man in front of him has brought his dog with him.

A guy sits down in a movie theater and notices that the man in front of him has brought his dog and it's sitting in the seat next to him.

He thinks it's unusual, but he likes dogs so he decides that as long as it's not a distraction he won't mention it.

The movie starts and pretty soo...

Fact: No dog owner talks to their pet in a normal voice.

No they don't, oh no they don't...

A dog owner is relaxing in the park when a man approaches.

—I'm sorry, but my chihuahua just killed your dog.

—That's absurd, my dog is a mastiff. How your ridiculously small chihuahua could possibly kill mine?

—Well, my dog got stuck in your dog's throat and choke him to death.

Two dog owners are arguing about whose pet is smarter.

My dog is so smart,” says the first owner, that every morning he goes to the store and buys me a sesame seed bagel with chive cream cheese, stops off at Starbucks and picks me up a mocha latte, and then comes home and turns on ESPN, all before I get out of bed.

I know, says the second owner.<...

What kind of test did the dog owner want for their pet when they went to the vet?

A pup quiz!

A Man is going for a Walk.

After walking for a few minutes, he comes across a strange Scene.

A Priest, followed by a few Men carrying 2 Coffins, followed by a Man with a Dog on the Leash and behind them.must be around 100 other Men in a row.

The Man aproaches the Dog owner.

Man:"Sorry but i just have to a...

Mr. Johnson walked into a movie theater and sat down next to a dog who was at the theater with his owner.

Much to Mr. Johnson's astonishment, the dog laughed at the funny parts, cried at the sad parts, booed at the villain's wicked deeds, and cheered at the hero's heroics.

When they left the theater, Mr. Johnson told the dog owner, "Your dog's reactions to that movie were amazing!"

"I thou...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two dog owners are walking their dogs down the street...

... they pass a bar, and the owner of the German Shepherd suggests they pop in for a beer. But the owner of the Chihuahua hesitates.
"I don't think they'll let us in there with our dogs," says the Chihuahua owner.
"Sure they will, watch this," and the German Shepherd owner pulls out his su...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Get out shep!

Loads of guy's sitting around a table in a pub.

One of them has a fart coming on.

He can't hold it in so tries to do a quiet one, letting only a little squeak out.

A guy looks down at his dog under the table and says quietly "Get out shep"!

The guy thinks "Um? Everybody...

An Iditerod racer took a sled dog to the vet. "He's acting very strange," said the dog owner. "He encourages the other dogs to hump him. Other than that, he's perfectly normal and a great musher. Should I be worried?"

"Not at all," said the vet. "He just identifies as female. What you have here is a Trans Siberian Husky."

Three dogs and their owners are at the veterinarian's office

...waiting for their respective appointments. The vet goes into the waiting room and says to the dog owners, "I bet I can tell you what each of you does for a living if you let me spend a few minutes with your dogs." The owners, intrigued by the prospect, agree. The vet takes the dogs into his exam ...

A man walks his dog late at night when he observes an obviously drunk guy. The guy stops at a parked car, swipes across the car's roof with his arm and says "Nope."

He stumbles over to the next car, again swipes across the roof with his arm and again: "Nope."

This goes on for a while until finally the dog owner decides to ask the man what he was doing.

Drunkard: "I'm searching my car!"

Dog owner: "But you can't find your car by swiping your...

A man walks in to a bar and hangs his hat and coat on a peg

There's a dog sat in the corner which leaps up grabs the hat and rips it to pieces.

The man turns to the owner of the dog and says: “Your dog's just ruined my hat”

Dog owner: So what, I couldn't care less.

Man: I don't like your attitude!

Dog owner: It's not my attitude,...

Two guys took their dogs for a stroll....

... and after a while the one says:

Dog Owner A: Let's go and get something to bite at this restaurant over here.

Dog Owner B: Can't do. They don't accept pets.

Dog Owner A: No worries. Just follow me and do as I do.

So the guy puts on his shades and enters confidently th...

Older lady in the bus snaps at a guy with a dog...

Please get that thing away from me. I can feel flees on my legs.
Dog owner to dog: Rex move away, the lady has flees

Man walks into a bar.... with a dog

Bartender says “ you out! No dogs allowed.”

The man says, “ but it’s a talking dog.”

The bar keep is interested. “ what do you mean a talking dog?”

The dog owner looks at his dog and asks, “ what is on top of a house?”

Roof roof says the dog.

The bartender points t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is walking his prized pitbull down the street.

He comes across another man, walking a chihuahua in his direction. He tells the man:

“Hey sir, you should probably cross the street. My pitbull was trained to fight and will rip your tiny dog to shreds!”

To which the man with the chihuahua replies:

“Oh no, sir, it is you who sh...

When I was disturbed by a woman breast-feeding in public, she retorted that it was "healthy" and "strengthened the bond between her and her baby".

Ugh... she's one of *those* dog owners.

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