UPJOKE

Dog Died Jokes

My girlfriend's dog died, so to cheer her up I got her an identical one.

She was livid, "what am I going to do with two dead dogs?"

My dog died. He exploded.

He was a mixed breed. Half golden lab, half meth lab.

"Hey son, what has 4 legs and doesn’t breathe?”

“You’re not fooling me dad, a chair!”

“Not this time, your dog died.”

The wife's dog died...

Knowing how much she loved that dog the husband got her another dog, exactly the same as the one that died.

He gave her the dog and she yelled at him: Moron!! What am I going to do with 2 dead dogs?!?

My wife left for a business trip one morning. And later that day our dog died. That evening, she called and asked how everything was and I told her, "The dog died!"

Crying into the phone she sobbed, "You could've broken the news to me gently!"



I asked her, "What should I have told you instead?"


She opined, "This is how you should've done it: First, you tell me she's on the roof. Then the next day, you tell me she fell off. Then the nex...

An Irishman's dog dies so he goes to see the local priest.

An Irishman's dog dies so he goes to see the local priest and tells him, "Father, me old dog died. Can ye say a wee mass for the old gal?"

"No. Can't do it. The Church doesn't do funeral mass for pets, but I'll tell you what, the Protestant church down the hill will most likely do it. The...

The day my dog died

When I was about four years old my brother had an old beater of a sports car, and one day he and my dad were draining the gas tank before they do more work. So they drain the gas into a bucket and then go inside for beer. My dog Hershey’s trots on up to the bucket and takes a nice long drink.. And...

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Go kill that son of a bitch

One fine morning an English billionaire was taking a walk with his dog. Suddenly a Pakistani came out from the bushes and shot the poor dog three times. The dog died.

The billionaire screamed at the killer, “Why did you do that?”

The killer answered, "Your wife gave me £ 50,000 and to...

After my dog died, I had him skinned and made into a rug.

He's now a Labradoormat.

My girlfriends dog died, so to cheer her up, I bought her an identical one

She was livid. She said "this stupid jokes gets reposted almost everyday"

My wife's dog died yesterday, So I decided to cheer her up by buying an identical one...

Unfortunately instead of liking the gift, she cried and asked what is she going to do with two dead dogs

Have you ever heard the one about the landscaper who lost everything after his wife left him and his dog died?

No?

Maybe I shouldn't tell it. It's a sod story.

When Paddy's dog died, he took it to the local Catholic church. He asked the preacher if he could have a funeral service for his much loved pet, but the preacher explained that they didn't do services like that for animals.

Paddy asked who would and the preacher suggested that the Baptist church up the road would probably give the dog a funeral service. Paddy asked, "Preacher, do you think $5,000 would be enough payment for the dog's funeral?" The preacher relied, "Dearest Paddy, why didn't you tell me that your dog wa...

The dead dog

A guy brought his dog into the vet. He didn't want to admit and accept the fact his dog died. The vet told the owner the dog is dead. The guy demanded a 2nd opinion. The vet gets a cat. The cat sniffs the dead dog and said "meow". The vet said the cat agrees the dog is dead. The owner demands a 3rd ...

The farmers dog

Muldoon, the farmer, lived alone in the countryside with his pet dog of many years. Eventually, his dog died of old age. Muldoon went to the parish priest. Father, my dear old dog is dead. Could you be saying a mass for the poor creature? Father Patrick replied, Muldoon, I'm sorry to hear of your d...

A clean dog

A young boy, about eight years old, was at the corner “Mom & Pop” grocery store picking out a pretty good size box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do. “Oh, no laundry,” the boy said. “I’m going to wash my dog.” ...

Pet Dog

Husband: Where are you sad, baby?

Wife: My mother's dog died in a car accident yesterday.

Husband: Oh I'm sorry to hear that.

Wife : She is devastated. she couldn't digest it.

Husband: Who told your mother to eat the dead dog?

A drunk man staggers into an empty church. He looks right. He looks left. When he spots the big crucifix in the middle, he makes his way down the center aisle, muttering under his breath. Finally, when he's right underneath it, he waves his bottle around and starts screaming at it.

"YOU! S'all YOUR fuggin' fault!" he screams. "I los' ma job, ma wife lef' me, ma kids ran 'way, and today ma dog died! Jus' you wait! I'ma come back with ma shotgun and give ya what for!"

And then he leaves, cursing and shouting all the way.

Meanwhile, the priest has been hiding in the...

My mother-in-law was bitten by a dog yesterday

She's fine. But, the dog died

Jack and the dog

So jack was crying because his dog died and his mother walked up to him and said”oh jack why are you crying you didn’t cry when grandpa died” on which jack responded with”I didn’t buy grandpa from my allowance

The housemaid has some bad and good news.

A housemaid calls her boss and says "I've got some good and bad news"

"Well give me the bad news first"

"Your dog died"

"My dog died! When did that happen?"

"After the horse kicked it"

"Well why in the world did the horse kick it?"

"Because the stables were ...

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A man is praying to God

He laments "Lord! My dog died, my wife left me and my kids don't even want to speak to me, what gives? What did I do to deserve this?"

Suddenly a booming voice echoes from the Heavens. "I dunno George, something about you just pisses me off."

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