UPJOKE

Dead Dog Jokes

Why are dead dogs so happy?

Because they finally got all their bones buried.

What do you call a dead dog?

Doesn’t matter, he won’t come back anyways.

What has four legs and flies?

A dead dog.

My girlfriend's dog died, so to cheer her up I got her an identical one.

She was livid, "what am I going to do with two dead dogs?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young boy was walking to school when he saw a dead dog in the street. When he got to school he told his teacher what he saw. “How do you know if the dog was really dead?” She asked the boy. “Because I pissed in his ear.” The teacher looked horrified. “What do you mean you pissed in his ear??”

“I went up to him and said ‘Pssstt!’ in his ear but he didn’t move.”

The dead dog

A guy brought his dog into the vet. He didn't want to admit and accept the fact his dog died. The vet told the owner the dog is dead. The guy demanded a 2nd opinion. The vet gets a cat. The cat sniffs the dead dog and said "meow". The vet said the cat agrees the dog is dead. The owner demands a 3rd ...

Whats the difference between a dead dog on the side of the road, and a dead politician on the side of the road?

The skid marks infront of the dog.

Pet Dog

Husband: Where are you sad, baby?

Wife: My mother's dog died in a car accident yesterday.

Husband: Oh I'm sorry to hear that.

Wife : She is devastated. she couldn't digest it.

Husband: Who told your mother to eat the dead dog?

God's Dead Dog

Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog, Skipper, had recently died.

"You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad. Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God."

Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teacher and his students are in the Anatomy class.

It's the first class of the semester, and everyone is eager to learn.

The professor starts "The first thing one has to do to become a good doctor is to be a good observant. The second one is to never, ever feel disgusted by anything."

After this observation, the teacher leads the stud...

Why California is broke and Texas is not.

The governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks the governor's dog, then bites the governor. The governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie Bambi and then realizes he should stop because the coyote is only doing what is natural.<...

I’m tired of people calling me crazy because I’m talking to myself. It’s just not true.

I’m talking to the dead dog and old woman that follow me around.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three homeless men (a black man, a white man, and a Mexican man) see a dead dog in the middle of the road

The white man says” Let’s all put in $10 and see who lays down beside the dog the longest and the winner gets the money”. The men agree and put $10 in each. The white man went first and laid down next to the dog.5 minutes pass. Then 10. Then 15. He finally gets up and says “ I can’t do this anymore”...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Everybody was making fun of my friend at a party

Everyone was making fun of my friend at a party I went to over the holidays. They all kept going into graphic detail about how they saw him fucking a dead dog by the railroads the other night. I mean they were really laying into this guy, and you could tell that he was starting to get really embarra...

A guy brings his dead dog to the vet

Hes in a panic, "doctor what can you do??!?"

"That dog is dead, theres nothing I can do."

"But doctor, surely theres something you can do!"

The doctor brings in a blood hound. The hound sniffs the dead dog and confirms. "Oh that dog is deffinitely dead"

"No doctor! There...

The wife's dog died...

Knowing how much she loved that dog the husband got her another dog, exactly the same as the one that died.

He gave her the dog and she yelled at him: Moron!! What am I going to do with 2 dead dogs?!?

A man brought a very limp dog into the veterinary clinic

A man brought a very limp dog into the veterinary clinic. As he laid the dog on the table, the doctor pulled out his stethoscope, placing the receptor on the dog's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm sorry, but your dog has passed away." "What?" screamed the ma...

Wife divorces him, loses his job after just 10 days...

The Mooch is one dead dog from being a country song.

My wife's dog died yesterday, So I decided to cheer her up by buying an identical one...

Unfortunately instead of liking the gift, she cried and asked what is she going to do with two dead dogs

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