Why are dead dogs so happy?

Because they finally got all their bones buried.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young boy was walking to school when he saw a dead dog in the street. When he got to school he told his teacher what he saw. “How do you know if the dog was really dead?” She asked the boy. “Because I pissed in his ear.” The teacher looked horrified. “What do you mean you pissed in his ear??”

“I went up to him and said ‘Pssstt!’ in his ear but he didn’t move.”

What is the difference between a dead dog and lawyer lying in the road?

The dog has skid marks leading up to it.

The dead dog

A guy brought his dog into the vet. He didn't want to admit and accept the fact his dog died. The vet told the owner the dog is dead. The guy demanded a 2nd opinion. The vet gets a cat. The cat sniffs the dead dog and said "meow". The vet said the cat agrees the dog is dead. The owner demands a 3rd ...

My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one.

It just made her more upset.

She screamed at me, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three homeless men (a black man, a white man, and a Mexican man) see a dead dog in the middle of the road

The white man says” Let’s all put in $10 and see who lays down beside the dog the longest and the winner gets the money”. The men agree and put $10 in each. The white man went first and laid down next to the dog.5 minutes pass. Then 10. Then 15. He finally gets up and says “ I can’t do this anymore”...

What has four legs and flies?

A dead dog.

A guy brings his dead dog to the vet

Hes in a panic, "doctor what can you do??!?"

"That dog is dead, theres nothing I can do."

"But doctor, surely theres something you can do!"

The doctor brings in a blood hound. The hound sniffs the dead dog and confirms. "Oh that dog is deffinitely dead"

"No doctor! There...

A man brings his dead dog along for an international flight

The check-in attendant tells him:

"Sir, I'm sorry, but you're going to have to leave either your dog or your backpack."

"What? Why can't I bring both?"

"Rules say only one carrion per customer."

My girlfriends dog died recently

So to cheer her up I bought her another one just like it. It didn't work.

She said "what am I going to do with two dead dogs?"

Pet Dog

Husband: Where are you sad, baby?

Wife: My mother's dog died in a car accident yesterday.

Husband: Oh I'm sorry to hear that.

Wife : She is devastated. she couldn't digest it.

Husband: Who told your mother to eat the dead dog?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teacher and his students are in the Anatomy class.

It's the first class of the semester, and everyone is eager to learn.

The professor starts "The first thing one has to do to become a good doctor is to be a good observant. The second one is to never, ever feel disgusted by anything."

After this observation, the teacher leads the stud...

When I was in 2nd grade, my dog Brick was hit by a car and killed, and my mom tried to console me. She said, "He's probably already in Heaven with God."

I said, "Why would God want a dead dog?"

Why California is broke and Texas is not.

The governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks the governor's dog, then bites the governor. The governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie Bambi and then realizes he should stop because the coyote is only doing what is natural.<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Everybody was making fun of my friend at a party

Everyone was making fun of my friend at a party I went to over the holidays. They all kept going into graphic detail about how they saw him fucking a dead dog by the railroads the other night. I mean they were really laying into this guy, and you could tell that he was starting to get really embarra...

Grandma and Grandpa are trying to console Susie, whose dog, Skipper, has died.

“You know,” Grandma said, “it’s not so bad. Skipper’s probably up in heaven right now, having a grand old time with God.” Susie stops crying and asks, “What would God want with a dead dog?”

I’m tired of people calling me crazy because I’m talking to myself. It’s just not true.

I’m talking to the dead dog and old woman that follow me around.

My wife's dog died yesterday, So I decided to cheer her up by buying an identical one...

Unfortunately instead of liking the gift, she cried and asked what is she going to do with two dead dogs

A man brought a very limp dog into the veterinary clinic

A man brought a very limp dog into the veterinary clinic. As he laid the dog on the table, the doctor pulled out his stethoscope, placing the receptor on the dog's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm sorry, but your dog has passed away." "What?" screamed the ma...

The wife's dog died...

Knowing how much she loved that dog the husband got her another dog, exactly the same as the one that died.

He gave her the dog and she yelled at him: Moron!! What am I going to do with 2 dead dogs?!?

Their First Anatomy Class!

.
The Students of MBBS were attending Their 1st Anatomy Class, They all Gathered around the Surgery Table with a Real Dead Dog.

The Professor put His Finger in Dog's nose & Tasted it by putting his finger into his mouth. Then He asked the Students to do the Same, The students Hesitated...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Quantum physics joke

Heisenberg and Schrodinger were driving. Heisenberg was on the wheel and Schrodinger was the passenger.

A cop pulls them over and asks Heisenberg: "Do you know the speed at which you were driving?". Heisenberg replies "No, I was looking out the window, I would rather know where I am.".
...

Wife divorces him, loses his job after just 10 days...

The Mooch is one dead dog from being a country song.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.