UPJOKE

Doesn't Get Jokes

What kind of bird doesn't get pregnant?

A swallow

My son asked me why he doesn't get his own room when we use the extra one for storage.

I told him there's no room for mistakes.

Me: Sarcasm doesn't get you anywhere.

Dad: Well, it got me to the "Sarcasm World Championships" in Uruguay in 2018.

Me: Really?

Dad: No

My mom's sister doesn't get Corona.

She has an auntie body.

Batman wears dark colour clothes at night so that Batman doesn't get shot.

Robin wears light colour clothes at night so that Batman doesn't get shot.

How should a farmer dress so he doesn't get attacked by his chickens?

Impeccably

What do you call a police officer that doesn't get out of bed?

An under cover cop.

Jesus doesn't get angry.

He gets cross

My 6'3" friend doesn't get a girlfriend...

Maybe cause all his pickup lines probably goes over their heads

What do you call it when the president doesn't get what he wants?

A tantrump

TIL: A Rabbi doesn't get paid for performing circumcisions.

They just collect the tips.

When there is some wine leftover from communion, it doesn't get wasted...

The vicar does.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

Arlene: What in the hell is that?

Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

Arlene: Where did you get it?

Jane: You can get them at any pharmacy.

The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box...

If trump doesn't get the Republican nomination

There will be hell toupe

(Converted from another joke found in this board!)

Why the F1 driver doesn't get along with his crew?

He has thrust issues.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My jokes are like orgasms

My girlfriend doesn't get them

A chef, a clockmaker, and a thief walk into a bar, but the bartender says he doesn't get the joke.

They all say, "It's okay, these things take thyme."

Q. 500 bricks are on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?

Q. 500 bricks are on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?

A. 499

Q. What are three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator?

A. Open Door, put elephant in refrigerator, close door

Q. What are four steps to putting a giraffe in a refrigerator?

A. Open do...

A woman says to her lawyer "I want to divorce my husband."

"On what grounds?"

"Grounds? We have two acres at the edge of town with a big lawn and some fruit trees."

"No, that's not what I meant. Do you have a grudge?"

"Yes, we have a two car garage but only one car so we use the rest for storage."

^(getting exasperated) "Does he ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a bar and orders 6 shots of Tequila.

"What are you celebrating?"

"My first blowjob."

"Congratulations! In that case, number 7 is on the house."

"Buddy, if 6 doesn't get the taste out of my mouth nothing will.

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