UPJOKE

Did You Know Jokes

Did you know it’s impossible to eat baklava underground?

Because then it’s bakmagma

Did you know that Iceland...

...is only one sea away from Ireland?

Did you know that Stephen King has a son named Joe?

I'm not joking, but he is

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know that pigeons die after having sex?

Well the one I fucked did.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know that too much sex can cause memory loss?

I read that in a medical journal on page 64, at 2:34pm on Friday 15th of August, 2021.

Did you know the magnifying glass was invented by a Chinese guy?

Yeah, his name was Tzu Minh

did you know that Ukraine has no Walmarts?

only targets.

Did you know “Vegetarian” is a Native American word?

It means “Lousy Hunter”


I am Native American and this joke has been told to me a couple of times. Thought I’d share.

Did you know that a group of crows is called a murder?

Well, technically it's only a murder if there's probable caws.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know if you hold your ear up too a strangers leg

You can actually hear them say "what the fuck are you doing?

Did you know Yoda had a last name?

Layheehoo.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know that the condom was invented by the Turks?

They used the intestines of sheep around their penis when having sex.

And did you know that years later, the Brits were the ones who improved the condom by removing the sheep?

Did you know that 20 pirahnas can demolish a small child down to the bone in under 30 seconds?

In other news, I lost my job at the aquarium today.

(My nephew told me this joke yesterday, totally deadpan! Thought it was worth sharing!)

A man is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The cashier says, "You must be single." The man answered, “Wow, how did you know that?”

The cashier replied, “Because you’re ugly.”

Did you know that if you rearrange the letters of "Postmen"

They get really angry

A joke from my 8 year old......Did you know that 10+10 and 11+11 are the same?

10+10=twenty
11+11=twenty too

Did you know that the invention of the shovel was...

Ground breaking.

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Did you know? If you rest one of your testicles on top of an empty beer bottle and hold a flame at the base...

eventually the testicle will be sucked inside!

If you did know this, please can you let me know how to reverse it?

**It's quite urgent**

Did you know Alligators can grow up to 15 feet?

Most only have 4

Did you know: If you say a number loud enough, you increase its value?

For example: 5 equals 5, but

5! equals 120.

Did you know 2 x 10 is the same as 2 x 11?

**One is twenty, and the other is twenty too!**

Edit: RIP Inbox. We hardly knew ye.
First front page ever! Woo!

Did you know that koi fish will travel in groups of 4 for safety?

>!When in danger, kois A, B, and C will flee and escape, leaving behind the Decoy.!<

Did you know that 97% of the world is stupid?

Luckily im in the other 5%

Did you know Teslas don't have that new car smell?

They have more of an Elon Musk.

I told my daughter, "Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?" She rolled her eyes at me, but I persevered. "It’s true!"

"When was the last time you ate a monkey?!"

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Did you know, there are no canaries in the Canary Islands?

It's the same with the Virgin Islands. There are no canaries there, either.

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Did you know that communists don't have orgasms?

they have ourgasms

Did you know Will Smith can make swords?

Of course he can; he's a blacksmith


Some may think the joke isn't funny, but I think it slaps.

I told my wife, “Did you know Old McDonald’s farm has been taken over by Artificial Intelligence?”

Her: AI?

Me: AI.

Her: Oh.

Did you know that William Shatner once tried to start up his own line of lingerie for women?

Unfortunately for him, Shatner Panties was a terrible brand name.

Did you know "T-shirt" is short for "tyrannosaurus shirt".....

because they have short arms?

Did you know most people don't know the opposite to these words?

1. Always
2. Coming
3. From
4. Take
5. Me
6. Down

Call me a nutter, a conspiracy theorist or as mad as a hatter, but did you know that if you take the first two letters from the title of every Harry Potter book, it spells out a secret message?!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Did you know that Milk is the fastest liquid on earth?

It's pasteurized before you even see it.

Did you know the first French Fries weren’t actually cooked in France?

They were cooked in Greece.

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Physics teacher: "Did you know protons have mass?"

Student: "Fuck, no -- I didn't even know they were Catholic!"

Did you know that it’s wrong to breed eels with eagles?

It’s eel-eagle.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know the prefix Fitz in a name meant "son of"?

So when Patrick had a son, the last name would be Fitzpatrick, and Gerald's son was Fitzgerald, etc.

They had to stop though when Dickinson had a son.

Did you know that Captain Kirk had 3 ears?

A left ear, right ear and the final front ear.

did you know cyan is the best colour?

it's cyantifically proven.

Did you know a kayak can be worn as a hat?

Once you flip it upside down to put on your head, it's capsized!

Did you know there was a cult for visually impaired?

They follow their leader blindly

Did you know Mortal Kombat was based on an old Scandinavian song?

A Finnish hymn.

Did you know condoms have serial numbers?

Oh, I guess you've never rolled one down far enough.

Did you know that you can't run through a campground?

You can only ran... cause it's past tents

Did you know that the state vegetable and official state pastime of Alabama are the same thing?

Pumpkin

Did you know?

Diarrhea runs in your genes.

Did you know you can wear any boat as a hat?

You just have to turn it upside down to make it cap sized.

Did you know that every zodiac sign has different hair?

Well, besides cancer.

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Did you know penguins scream during sex?

Maybe not all of them?
But definitely the one I cornered at the zoo.

Did you know if you drink the fluid from a magic 8 ball you can see the future.

Trust me. My friend Keith did it once and he said he was going to die and then he did.

Did you know that cows are actually aliens?

They come from the mooooooon

Did you know Bill Burr has a brother that is a lumberjack?

His name is Tim

I asked my wife, “Did you know there’s a fruit which gives you your entire daily potassium requirement?”

Her: That’s bananas.

Me: I know. I was shocked too.

Did you know that when you shoot different guns the smoke smells different?

For example a pistol won’t have a strong smell since it’s tiny.
An Assault rifle would smell like a lot of gun powder for how fast the bullets come out.
And apparently shotguns smell like teen spirit

Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in cuba for $1.50 and in jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00?

Those are the pie rates of the carribean.

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Did you know the Giant from Jack and the Beanstalk works as a stripper now?

He'll grind your bone to make his bread.

Did you know?

Microbiologists are just biologists under 5ft?

Okay I’ll see myself out

Did you know,

During the height of the pandemic, locksmiths were considered key workers!

Did you know the Origami world cup is on TV....

It's only available on pay per view though.

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Did you know trees poop?

Where do you think we get #2 pencils?

Did you know that if you play Nickelback backwards you can hear the devil?

But what's even worse is that if you play it forwards you can hear Nickelback

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Pride Fact: Did you know the Grim Reaper is canonically pansexual?

>!Death comes for us all.!<

did you know light travels faster than sound?

That's why people look bright until they talk

Did you know, that if you take all of the human organs and spread them out on a football field.

You get arrested

Did you know the Norwegian navy has giant barcodes on the sides of it's ships?

Apparently so they can Scandinavian

Listen…did you know falcons only live 12-15 yrs? That means every falcon alive right now was born in the 21st century which makes them…

Millennium Falcons

Did you know, I used to own a airplane company?

We sold planes with no wings,

But it never really took off.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know that the average ejaculation contains nearly 16,000 MB of data?

I don't know if I can stomach this information...

Did you know that 'Muffins' spelt backwards...

...is what you do, when you take them out of the oven ?

Did you know it’s illegal to laugh loudly in Hawaii?

When you’re there you gotta keep it to a lo ha.

Did you know they changed the word snake to essential

And people started buying the oils again.

Did you know the white-tail deer can jump higher than the average house?

This is due to its powerful hind legs and the fact the average house can't jump.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know Jesus only had one orgasm his entire life?

We're still waiting for the second coming.

Did you know all Chernobyl victims developed perfect eyesight?

They had 20/20 fission.

Did you know Donald Trump is banning pre-shredded cheese?

TO MAKE MERICA GRATE AGAIN

Did you know it's illegal to water your plants in China ?

It causes the microphones to rust

Did you know that antivaxxers don't last as long in bed?

Especially if the bed is in a hospital.

Did you know?

If you sneeze and fart at the same time, your body takes a screenshot.

Me: Did you know talking to yourself indicates high intelligence?

Me: Yes, I did know that.

Did you know you can donate sperm by post?

When I found out, I came in a jiffy.

Did you know nuclear energy is vegan?

100% plant produced.

Did you know people eat more bananas then monkeys?

Monkeys are harder to catch even thought they both grow in trees!

Title is stolen from a comment, the rest is from my twisted mind.

Did you know optometrists don't have funerals?

They have *viewings.*
.

[I am *way* too proud and tickled for coming up with this one.]

Fun movie fact: Did you know that the movie "Speed" featuring Keanu had no director?

Because if it had direction, then the movie would be called "Velocity"

Did you know there’s more planes in the ocean …

Then submarines in the sky

(i hope they all rest in peace however)

Did you know Paul Atreides was a psychic?

He had quite a few Fremenitions .

Did you know Hellen Keller had a dog?

Neither did she

Did you know?

Joan of Arc was the origional French toast.

Did you know there's a city in Ohio called "Engagement?"

It's somewhere between Dayton and Marion.

Did you know Darth Vader’s cousin lives in Switzerland and drives a cab?

He’s called ‘Taxi Vader’

Did you know that the Mario Bros have a sister?

It's Amy Mario!

Did you know that birds like hawks and falcons can commonly be found at churches?

That's because they're birds of pray.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know Viagra is a vitamin ?

It helps build strong bones.

Did you know that the original Easter took place on April 1st?

That Jesus sure knew how to pull off a prank!

Did you know if you rearrange the letters in "THE POST OFFICE"

Nobody gets their mail.

Did you know that Archaeopteryx ate worms?

After all, it's an early bird.

How Did You Know?

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below.

He lowers the balloon further and shouts, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

The man below says, "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field." ...

Did you know that Paul Walker had dandruff?

I didn’t know either, until I saw his Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment.

Did you know that France have started making a line of American-style cars for goats?

They're called Chevreolets

Did you know that Ringo Starr (drummer for The Beatles) had two daughters?

He named them, Anna One, Anna Two.

Did you know the GIF is pronounced 'jiff', not giff?

That's because GIF actually stands for ' jraphics interchange format'.

Did you know there is a 10th reindeer?

It's true. His name is Jerry and he is in charge of managing deliveries that the elves had, which includes food orders. He started his own business.

Its called "Deer Dash"!

Did you know that they're rebooting the Teletubbies in South-East Asia?

At first I'd read that it was due to be set in Vietnam, but then I realised that it was a Thai Po.

Did you know Sinatra was a huge chess fan?

He sang one of his most famous songs about it...

The Way You Rook to Knight.

Did you know?

5/5 people think russian roulette is completely safe!

Did you know that the vast majority of convicted criminals are married men?

It's the only way they get to finish a sentence.

Did you know the Green Goblin decided to turn good and team up with Spider-Man?

Yeah, he's now Willem Dafriend

Did you know they tested the Mars rover against animal attacks?

They had to switch to dogs because Curiosity killed the cat.

Let's have some fun with statistics. Did you know that in Vatican, there are...

.. two Popes per square km ?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know that camels can last longer without water than sex?

They can go three weeks without water, but can't go a day without a hump.

Did you know?

If you leave a weight on your keyboard, it willllllllllllllllllllllll

Did you know only one US president has been born in Missouri?

It's true, man.

Did you know teen pregnancies…

Take a sharp decline at the age of 20.

Did you know?

Did you know that a sperm cell contains 35.75 MB of data. Making a load contain about 16TB

Yes i know, thats alot of information to swallow.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know that the penis and the testicles are not the same thing?

There's actually a Vas Deferens between them.

Did you know there are 3 rings in a relationship?

The engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffer ring

Did you know the word “queen” first referred to the chess piece before the monarchy?

The royals adopted it, since a queen also needs the help of a bishop and a horse to mate.

Did you know Joseph from the bible played tennis?

He served in the courts of Pharaoh.

Did you know that Albert Einstein had a younger brother...

Yeah yeah he's called Frank and people say he's a real monster! It's really easy to make him laugh though, everyone has him in stitches

Did you know that birthdays are good for your health?

It’s a scientific fact: People who have more birthdays live longer

Did you know that 2 and 4 are parents?

They had six

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know? If you rearrange the letters of Mother-in-Law, you get Woman Hitler

I guess she doesn't like other family members sorting her mail.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know Liberace was a bird lover?

He once said, “I’ve never hugged a parrot, but I’ve kissed a cockatoo!”

Did you know that people who celebrate Ramadan can still have McDonalds?

Really - that’s because it’s fastfood

Did you know that as Christ was getting nailed to the cross...

He actually became holier?

Did you know

Before the crowbar crows actually used to drink at home

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know?

Did you know that if you stick your penis in a vacuum cleaner, >!they kick you out of Walmart?!<

Did you know Santa was born in Gdansk?

He's North Polish

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know Tampax gives away slightly defective tampons for free?

No strings attached.

Did you know you can't breathe while smiling?

Just kidding, wanted to make you smile.

Did you know Chuck Norris prays three times per day?

Yeah, he checks if God needs anything.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know cucumbers are really good for your memory?

Someone shoved one up my ass 20 years ago, and I still remember it!

Did you know that Germany is only second best at recycling

The first place is taken by r/jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know it’s considered incest if you fuck time?

That’s cause time is relative

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