UPJOKE

I tried to tell a joke in the British Museum once...

but the sarcophagus gave me a death stare.

My 5 year old just came up with this one

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Cucumber.
Cucumber who?
I’m gonna cut you open.

- ends in death stare -

HIM: You're one-in-a-million!

HER: Aw, that's sweet!

HIM: Yup, there are only about seven thousand, seven hundred people in the WHOLE WORLD that I'd find more attractive than you.

HER: [Death Stare]

HIM: What? Mathematically speaking, they mean the same thing.

HER: Mathematically speaking, what do you...

My cat had a hairball caught in her throat

It was awful, she couldn't get it out. She'd wander around hacking, trying to get it out. I chatted with a vet about this and he suggested i put vaseline on her front paws. I...uh what? He explained further - vaseline is a non-toxic lubricant. If you put it on her paws, cats hate the feeling and ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.