UPJOKE

Commonly Used Jokes

What language is most commonly used in programming?

Profanity.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A radio station in Ireland is taking calls to find a word that is commonly used but isn't in the dictionary yet...

The first caller get's through,

"Hello! What word do you think should be in the dictionary?"

"Goan!"

"Goan? Can you use it in a sentence?"

"Yeah, go'an fuck yerself!" The caller then begins laughing until the station can cut off his call.

After several more calls t...

what's the most commonly used phrase by artists?

Would you like fries with that.

Host: Which string instruments are commonly used in Latin music?

Guest: Violins?

Host: "Violins" is not the answer.

E is the most commonly used letter.

I was shocked

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know the most commonly used search term on Google is "butt plug"?

Well, it's not. I just pulled that out of my ass.

Why did the Caribbean guy dislike one of the most commonly used vowels?

Because he was from Haiti.

What's the most commonly used type of fraud in Egypt?

Pyramid schemes.

First man: what is the most commonly used French expression?

Second man: uhh... I give up

A man died and went to heaven..

As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked,

"What are all those clocks?"

St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh," said...

My mom’s sister drank methanol, and now she can’t move.

Later though, I found out it’s commonly used as auntie freeze.

life with a daughter

SCENE: My teenage daughter and me in the car.

Lauren: Dad, do you know what the most commonly used letter in a girl’s name is?

Me: Hmm, is it a consonant or a vowel? (Silence.) Please tell me you know what consonants and vowels are.

Lauren: You’re no fun, Dad. Forget it.

...

All-Girls High School

"The number one most commonly used phrase in any all-girls high school is 'behind my back!'

The second most common is 'right to my face!'"
- Celia Pacquola

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A kid receives an assignment from his teacher..

.. To write down 3 commonly used phrases, from around his house.

So the kid goes home and tries to ask his dad, who replies 'fuck off, i'm busy working!'.

So the kid writes that down.

Next, he goes to his younger brother, who is watching batman for the 20th time that day and sin...

The magician's Publicity Stunt.

I asked a magician for an \[OC\] joke to post on reddit. (Yes, I asked a magician and not a comedian, I don't know many comedians personally, sorry.)

.

Instead, I got a long winded story of his most popular magic trick. He probably made it all up, but here it is.

.

It w...

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