UPJOKE
commissioncommittee

Commissione Jokes

"Commissioner, we've found 20 kilograms of cocaine."

"10 kilograms you say?"

"Yeah, 5 kilograms"

There was a murder in Gotham last night. Police Commissioner Gordon told Batman some elaborate conspiracy theories,

But it's more likely that the Joker did it.

That's Arkham's Razor.

English can be a silly language...

The European Union commissioners have announced that an agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications (rather than German, which was the other possibility).

As part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that English spelling h...

What did the NFL Commissioner say when Adele turned down the Superbowl Halftime Show?

Never mind, I'll find someone like you

A police station was about to be defunded because they could never solve a single crime.

A police station was about to be defunded because they could never solve a single crime.

The police chief in desperation hired a quality assurance officer to check what was wrong.

The QA officer proposed that if the chief’s detectives can solve all murders committed by him, then he w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lady and her 7-year-old son are eating in a restaurant.

A lady and her 7-year-old son are eating in a restaurant.

In a moment of playfulness, the boy swallows a coin and chokes. The mother tries slapping his back, rubbing his neck, shaking him hard and everything she could think of, without success.

The boy begins to turn blue. The desperat...

"Batman, we need your help in Paris immediately."

"Worry not, Commissioner, I've already changed my Facebook profile picture."

Manufacturer closes before Christmas

The town manufacturer moved their operations to another country, to pay lower wages. The people who worked in the town, lost their jobs and were suddenly thrust into poverty.

An entrepreneur heard about this situation. Joseph P Klanta was operating several manufacturing operations. His s...

What do you get when you cross a cow, an octopus, and a man?

a reprimand from the ethics commissioner.

Ukrainian Police joke

Cop asks his sergeant:

\- So, why did you not become commissioner?

\- You know, I wasn't smart enough.

\- Strange. That's usually a plus.

The Police Officer fronted the press conference...

“A major incident happened at the Goodsprings Buddhism and Yoga Retreat this morning. To put it frankly, it was a bloodbath,” explained the Commissioner.

A sea of hands go up from the journalists.

“When did this happen, and why?” asked the first.

The Commission replied “Pr...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A soviet artist is instructed to make a painting about soviet workers

He presents them a painting of what appears to be three naked African men, one of which has a white penis. He is asked by his commissioner. "What the hell is this," he is asked "They're actually coal miners who has finished working and were heading to the showers, I'll have you know!". "Okay, and wh...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Superman is Horny

Superman was horny one day as he's flying around.

He sees Batman and flies up to him and starts chatting him up.

>Superman "So Batman, you wanna go look for some pussy tonight?"

>Batman "Sorry Supe, Commissioner Gordon wants to meet with me tonight to discuss some of the c...

The pope was visiting New York

His visit in the states had lasted for days and he had become tired of being chauffeured around from one event to another the whole time.

"Tell you what. I really miss driving" he said to his driver and they agreed to swap seats so the pope would drive and the driver would sit in the back....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Twelve Thank-You Notes of Christmas

Dearest John:

I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. What a delightful gift. I couldn't have been more surprised.

With dearest love and affection, Agnes

December 15th

Dearest John:

Today the postman brought your very sweet gi...

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