Caught Speeding Jokes

The cop is also a blonde.

Cop: “Let me see your driver’s license.”

Driver: “What’s that?”

Cop: “A square thing with your picture on it.”

Blonde fumbles through her purse, finds a mirror, sees herself in it, and hands it to the cop.

Cop looks at it, hands i... read more

The officer pulled me over and told me I can't drive 70mph in a 30mph zone.

Three days later I got a letter through the door saying "Speeding Fine"

Now I don't know who to believe.

Because he couldn't take his foot off the accelerator.

The police officer walked up to my window

Officer: I've been waiting for you all day

Me: I know, i came as fast as I could

He got pulled over and the guard sighed heavily. He said, "I'm about to clock off, and don't fancy doing any more paperwork,so I'll tell you what. If you can give me an excuse that I've never heard before, then you're off the hook." The man thought hard, and eventually said, "Well you see, Officer, ... read more

Officer stops the blonde to ask her why she was driving 130mph.

So the blonde responded with:
There is no way! That is impossible, I have only been in the car for 30 minutes!

..... *thumbleweed*


.... i'll let myself out now.

He was going 88 mph in a Delorean

He was really haulin ass

This is the story of the time I was pulled over for doing almost 70 in a construction area, where the speed limit had been reduced to 55.

So I pulled over right away because I'm white and a man with a mustache that only a cop would grow, swung a leg dramatically over his motorcycle and walke... read more

Prism

The driver, when confronted by the cop to be issued a ticket, suddenly confesses that he has heroin with him in the vehicle.
Shocked, the cop calls for backup, explaining that the man who he caught speeding admitted that he had drugs on him.

A narcotics team arrives and searches the vehicl... read more

A man is caught speeding by a cop.

The cop asks “Why were you going so fast?”

The man responds, “I had to get to the Policeman’s Ball.”

The cop exclaims “Policemen don’t have balls!”

... And on his first day of owning it, he gets caught speeding down the highway.

Pulling over, the officer walks up to the window and says "Son, I've been a cop for over 30 years, I've heard every excuse there is. If you come up with a new one I'll let you off with a warning."

The dr... read more

... the phone rings in his room; there is an emergency in the Vatican and he needs to return immediately.

So the Pope has arrangements made for the first available flight back to Rome and a taxi cab.

The cab -unfortunately- takes ages to arrive and time is starting to run short.
... read more

This was a joke Ronald Reagan told about Gorbachev, but most people probably forgot about Gorbachev, so I made it about Putin.

These two Russian motorcycle cops are sitting on the side of a Russian highway. They both get a call from the Russian government telling them that every car caught s... read more