UPJOKE

Carrot Up Jokes

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I shoved a carrot up my ass...

It improved my hindsight and made me realize I shouldn't have done it

My friend thought he was being smart, and said “Onions are the only food that makes you cry”.

So I shoved a carrot up his ass

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Some guy shoved a carrot up his ass.

Now his hindsight is 20/20.

Credit to some other redditor from a different thread.

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I walked in on my

Sister putting a carrot up her vagina. I got pissed.

I said, Iwas going to eat that later. But now its gonna taste like carrot. AND I DON'T LIKE CARROTS!!

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I was told that masturbating too much can make me blind (thanks, mom). Then later I overheard that carrots are really good for the eyes.

So now everytime I masturbate I put a carrot up my ass.

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A guy gets a worm parasite...

A guy goes on a mission trip and contracts a gnarly parasite worm. Every doctor tells him he's done for and the worm will starve him to death, but a friend of his who used to go on mission trips tells him about this doctor that has a technique to get rid of the worm, but warns him that the doctor is...

Astute Diagnosis

A guy goes to the doctor, with a carrot up his nose. He's got a piece of celery in his other nostril, and a banana in his ear. He says,"Doc, I don't feel so good."
The doctor says,"You're not eating right."

Loose women

3 women are sitting at a bar conversing over lady stuff.

Eventually the first woman says, "I'm so loose I can fit an entire carrot up there.."

The second woman chimes in and says, "yes, well I'm so loose I can fit an entire baseball bat up there.."

The Third woman slides down ...

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A guy goes to a supermarket...

A guy goes to a supermarket and a beautiful blonde waves at him and says hello.

He is rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from so he says "Do I know you?"

She replies "I think you are the father of one of my kids."

His eyes get big as he thinks back to t...

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