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Carlsberg Jokes

The CEO of Budweiser, Miller and Carlsberg walks into a bar.

The CEO of Budweiser walks up to the bar and orders a Budweiser, after which the CEO of Miller orders a Miller. Then the CEO of Carlsberg says to the bartender: "I'll have a glass of water." The others looks baffled and asks him: "Why didn't you order a Carlsberg?". He replies: "Well, since you're n...

CEOs of Carsberg, Heineken, Becks and Guiness walk into a bar

CEO of Carlsberg orders a bottle of Carlsberg.

CEO of Heineken orders a bottle of Heineken.

CEO of Becks orders a bottle of Becks.

CEO of Guiness orders diet coke with no ice.

They turn around and ask him why he ordered coke. He responds " Nobody's drinking beer. Didn't ...

Took my son out for his first pint got him a Carlsberg.

He didn't like it. I drank it got him a Fosters.

He didn't like it. I drank it.

Same with the Guinness, the cider and the whiskey.

By the end of the night, I could hardly push his pram home.

Has anyone seen the new Carlsberg ad? It's 10 seconds of dead bodies lying everywhere and then the narrator says...

"If Carlsberg did viruses, it would be the end of the world, probably."

Unshakable Fact # 5

Arguing over a girl's breast size is like choosing between Molson, Heineken, Carlsberg & Budweiser. Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.

A bear walks onto a bar and orders a round of drinks.

I'd like 2 pints of Carlsberg, 2 pints of Stella and a packet of . . . . . . . . . . . . . Cheese and onion crisps.
The barman asks, "Why the big pause?"
The bear replies, "so I can rip apart seals"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy walks into a bar and asks for a beer

The bartender asks him "Heineken or Carlsberg?" the guy chooses a carlsberg, drinks 10, walks out and passess out on his stomach on the sidewalk.
A priest goes by, sees the guy with his ass cracking through his pants, can't resist his urges and proceeds to molest the guy.

After a few hours...

Brewers Convention

There's a big convention of brewers from all over the world. At the end of the first day, Nils, Hank and Paddy go for a drink together to share their thoughts. They get settled at the bar, and the landlord comes over to take their order.

Nils says, "I've worked for Carlsberg for ten years, so...

Ill have a pepsi please

Four CEO's meet up at a bar. Its the CEO of Budweiser, CEO of Heineken, CEO of Carlsberg and CEO of Guinness. The CEO from Budweiser orders a Bud and says "the best selling beer in america" and enjoys a sip. The CEO of Heineken orders him a Heineken, says "the best selling beer in Europe" and takes ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg.

As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.

Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbour, get outta here."

The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbour...

A group of strings go on a night out

They walk up the the first bar and ask for a pint of guinness and 2 carlsbergs. The barman asks "are you a piece of string?" The string says yes. The barman tells the string "we dont serve string here". So the group walk away in a huff. The second string walks up to another bar and asks for the same...

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