UPJOKE

Car Broke Down Jokes

What do you call a Mexican guy who's car broke down?

Joaquin

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A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?”

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound.

The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.”

The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway an...

John's car broke down in the middle of a quiet road at night.

He decided to hitchhike.

After waiting for a while, a car stopped next to him. He jumped aboard. The speed of the car was slow and steady.

Suddenly John noticed to his shock that the driver's seat was empty. No one was driving the car. John was not frightened by the speed of the car,...

Car broke down

A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off.

The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the ...

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A Jew, a Muslim, and a Jehovah's Witness were driving through the countryside when their car broke down.

The only house in the vicinity was an old farmhouse, so they decided to stay there for the night.

"I'm so sorry," said the farmer. "The bed in the guest room only has room for two people." So he volunteered the Jew to sleep in the barn.

Five minutes later, the farmer heard a knock on t...

A traveling salesman was driving through the countryside when his car broke down.

Without phone service, he walked a couple miles to a farm house where he knocked on the door.

The old farmer answered and the salesman told him of his situation.

The farmer says. "It's getting late, but your welcome to spend the night. We'll call the tow truck in the morning.
<...

A car broke down on a Native Reservation...

...so the driver got out to see what was going on. He lifted the hood, looked in, and noticed there was something wrong with the motor piston. Without any tools or cell service, he sighed, shut the hood and leaned on his car and waited for a passerby. Finally, a truck came around the bend so he wave...

A walruses car broke down.

While waiting for the mechanic to troubleshoot the problem he decided to walk to the ice cream parlor. He ordered a vanilla ice cream cone and ate it while walking back to the car shop. As he finished the last bite he realized he forgot to grab a napkin. As he desperately tried to clean his very sti...

My car broke down...

My car broke down, so I decided to jack it.

I was arrested for indecent exposure.

A penguins car broke down

So he went to the mechanic who said he needed about an hour to check it out. To kill Time the penguin went across the street to get some vanilla ice cream. Since penguins have no hands he made an awful mess getting the ice cream all over his beak. When he returned the mechanic said “it looks like yo...

Car broke down.

While driving to work one day, a man's car breaks down. He eases it over to the shoulder and gets out. He pops open the trunk and two naked men in trench coats hop out, walk a few feet behind the car and start opening and closing their coats.

Naturally, this causes a pileup, which brings out ...

My Korean car broke down on me today...

It left me completely Hyundrai

What did the frog call when it’s car broke down?

A toad truck!

My 6 year old told me this today and I wanted to share with you guys :)

A man went to a conference in a rural town. On the way back, his car broke down.

Looking around, he saw a monastery sitting on a hill. He decided to ask to stay the night. The monks were welcoming and gave him a room to stay in. In the middle of the night, the man woke to hear strange, beautiful, haunting music. It captivated him. He lay still, crying for the whole hour in which...

Car broke down in Alaska

When the tow truck arrived the driver said “It appears you blew a seal”

Guy said “no, that’s just mayonnaise, I ate a sandwich while waiting”

A guys car broke down in Alaska.

A mechanic came by to look at it and said "looks like you blew a seal" the guy replies "no thats just frost on my moustache"

My car broke down in the middle of nowhere.

Luckily I found a loot box on the roadside!

I was lost wandering by foot in Germany after my car broke down..

... When I came across a party where they were serving cheese and sausages. I suppose you could call it a wurst-Käse scenario.

My car broke down, so I take it in and the guy says that he’s a quantum mechanic...

...So I ask him if he can fix my car, or not? And he says: “I don’t know, I’ll have to look at it!”

George and Ted were driving through the countryside when there car broke down.

They went to a nearby farmhouse to call a tow truck. When they knocked on the door, a gorgeous woman answered.

"Can we use your phone?" they asked.

"Yes," said the woman. So George and Ted used the woman's phone to call a tow truck.

The tow truck company told them that it woul...

An old man was driving his old Fiat in the Italian countryside, when the car broke down

He pulled over to the side, and called for a tow truck. While he was waiting, this guy in a Ferrari, who must have felt very generous that day, stopped and asked if he needed any assistance.

“It’s okay, the tow truck will be here soon,” the old man told him.

But the guy with the Fe...

So my car broke down

My mechanic said it was obvious I'd blown a seal. I said keep my private life out of it and just fix the damn car!

What happened when the frogs car broke down?

It got toad

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3 Men are stranded in the middle of nowhere as their car broke down.

They suddenly see a house in the distance and decide to seek assistance but decide to go individually as they do not want to alarm the home owner. So the first guy approaches the house and is greeted by the most hideous old lady he has ever seen and he asks "hey, is there by chance you have a teleph...

Had a really terrible day today. Car broke down and got towed. Mechanic took a look and shared the news with me using some humor.

Mechanic: “Knock knock”
Me: “Who’s there?”
Mechanic: “Your car’s engine”

A traveling salesman was driving in the country when his car broke down.

He hiked several miles to a farmhouse, and asked the farmer if there was a place he could stay overnight.

“Sure,” said the farmer, “my wife died several years ago, and my two daughters are twenty-one and twenty-three, but they’re off to college, and I’m all by myself, so I have lots of room ...

The voice command system of my cheap driverless car broke down a few weeks ago.

It goes without saying.

A penguin's car broke down in the middle of the city.

So he got his car towed to a mechanic's shop and walked to an ice-cream shop to grab a large cone.

After about 20 minutes, he walked back to the mechanic's shop and asked if he knew what the problem was.

"It looks like you blew a seal," said the mechanic.

"No, no, I swear to god...

"Push harder", I shouted at my wife while she was in labor.

"Screw you" she screamed back at me.

Bit harsh I thought...... it wasn't my fault the car broke down on the way to the hospital!

My car broke down the other day and I tried to remember everything my dad taught me growing up

all I knew was “point the flashlight there”.

What do you call a Vampire whose car broke down three miles from a bloodbank?

A cab!

I was walking along a road after my car broke down and a passing car stopped to ask if I needed a ride and why I was walking.

Piston broke I answered....Us too come on buddy get in.

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Bob the penguin was driving to the shops when his car broke down

The car was towed and taken to the mechanic. Bob was pissed off, and as it was a hot day he decided to treat himself with an ice cream. He ordered a double scoop of his favorite flavor - vanilla. But one thing to remember about Bob is that he is in fact a penguin and penguins have flippers. Needless...

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A young woman's car broke down in the deep South.

She realized that there was no way to get back to the city that night, so she walked over to the nearest farm house and asked the man there if she could stay over for the night.

The farmer scratched his head and said, "Well, I sure don't see no problem with this, just don't bother my two sons...

three men were on a road trip when their car broke down

they walked a mile and found a farm and decided to ask the old farmer if they could crash. the farmer was a kind man and decided to let the men stay, as long as they didn't touch the three hot daughters. later that night none of the men could help themselves and decided to go for it, thinking that t...

So my friend called me last night to tell me about how his Swedish car broke down

But I told him I didn't have time for his Saab stories

A lad was on his way to visit his friend. Whilst driving, his car broke down and it began to rain so heavily, he couldn’t see his own hands in front of him. (Halloween super scary story)

**this super scary story as told me to be last night by an Irish dude**

He walked for as long as he could, but the rain became too much to bear. He found a tree and stood beneath it, waiting for a car.
Hours went by, and he was beginning to give up hope. It was a quiet road indeed that ...

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One of my drill sergeants favorite stories

A man is driving down the road and his car breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?"

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he he...

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A man is driving back home with a smile

His wife had promised him sex once he returned home. Half way there he had a brilliant idea. He pulled up to the side of the road, layed under his car so it would look like he is fixing something, closed his eyes, thought of his wife and started to masturbate. A few minutes go by and the man suddenl...

Watched a talent show audition and of course before this guy gets up to sing he has to go on and on about how his Swedish car broke down on the way there and he has no way home, etc.

I wish people could just sing without telling a Saab story.

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans.

He loved them dearly, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat explosive effect on him.


One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, “she’ll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this,” so...

I gave my Ex a taste of her own medicine.

My ex's car broke down and she called to ask for help.
I went out and took a look at and left without telling her what was wrong.

Best vehicle from their country.

The devil told a Pole, a German and a Russian to bring the best vehicle from their country. The first one is a Pole with a small car (Maluch). The devil told him to break it. The Pole kicked once and the car fell apart. The second one is a German in a Mercedes. Kicks the car and nothing. He grabbed ...

The right horse

A guy was driving in the countryside when his car broke down, he knew nothing about cars so thought he was in trouble but he heard a voice say "it's the fuelpump" he looked around but there was no-one around except a brown horse and the horse said "it's the fuel pump" the guy was distraught and ran ...

Why are you late? [Long]

A boss was waiting in his office one day when he noticed that all of his workers were missing. He waits a few more minutes before the first worker comes in.

"Why were you late?"
Sounding exhausted, the worker says, "Sorry boss, but my car broke down on the way to work so I tried the bus, b...

Protection

A woman was driving Up North late at night when her car broke down. About a mile down the road, she saw a cabin in the woods. Two men came out.

"Can we help ya, miss?"

"Yes, my car broke down about a mile back. Could you drive me to the nearest town so I can get a tow truck?"

"...

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A nomad was traveling through the desert with his camal.

After weeks of traveling all alone the man got very lonely and his camel began to look more appealing.
Eventually he couldn't take it anymore and decided he was going to fuck his camel.
No one was around and no one will ever know, he thought to himself.

That evening he got ready, dropp...

A guy is walking through the desert when he meets three men going the other way.

One is drinking out of a water bottle, one is looking at his phone and the third one is dragging a car door. He stops to talk to them.

"Why are you guys out here?" he asked.

"Our car broke down in the middle of the desert, so we started walking to see if we could find help. I figured I...

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A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are stranded in the desert.

Their car broke down so they all agree to grab something from the car to help them survive. The Brunette shuffles around and grabs food. The Redhead rummages through the trunk and pulls out water. They are talking saying that it’s to prevent them from starving or becoming dehydrated while they wait ...

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The White Ape

A man was driving down the road in the middle of the night when, naturally, his car broke down. There was no one around, but he saw a light up ahead. He walked towards it and soon figured out that it was a farmhouse.
The man knocked on the door, and a farmer answered. "Sir," he said to the farmer...

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A couple was driving through Arizona, it was extremely hot so they both got naked....

their car broke down and the husband put his clothes on to go find help, a cop pulls up behind the car and approaches the wife who uses her husbands shoe to cover her vagina. She tells the cop "Help were stuck!!" and the cop replies, "Ma'am if he's in that far I cant help you".

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Chinese torture

A man is driving through the country at night when his car breaks down. He walks to the nearest farm, a big 3 story farmhouse, and when he knocks on the door and old chinese man answers. "I'm sorry to bother you sir, but my car broke down about a mile down the road. Would it be alright with you if s...

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The Farmers Daughter

Three college guys were driving in a car when it broke down way out in the boondocks. Two of them were normal enough but the third was kind of simple, and they looked out for him.

When their car broke down, they walked to the nearest farm house. It was freezing rain, so they asked if they cou...

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A man ended up in hospital and his wife visits him.

Wife: I barely got here. You wouldn't belive what happened.

Housband: What happened?

Wife: My car broke down. So I asked taxi to take me here. When I told him I don't have enough money, he said "You are either going to sing me a song, or you're going to suck my dick."

Housband: ...

A penguin was taking a summer road trip...

A penguin was taking a summer road trip in the American Southwest when his car broke down and he got a tow to the nearest shop. The mechanic told him it would take an hour to check his car, so the penguin waddled across the street to an ice cream shop and ordered a vanilla cone, which he made a huge...

I'm planning to run for office.

My car broke down.

A car gets a flat tire

A car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day. The lady driver eases it over onto the shoulder of the road. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk.

She then takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic. The lif...

2 men were lost in the desert

Their car broke down and they were wandering for hours. It's midday and the sun was scorching hot. They're lost, hungry and their throat were parched. In the distance they saw a huge mosque.

Man 1: Let's pretend to be Muslims and they'll give us food and water.

Man 2: You go ahead and...

For some reason I remembered this joke my sister told from my childhood (long)

There was once this old lady who lived in a little pink house. One night she decided to get ready for bed, so she put on her little pink slippers, her little pink nightie and her little pink dressing gown, and climbed up her little pink stairs to go to her little pink bedroom. Once there, she took o...

The traveling salesmen

Two traveling salesmen were riding together across West Texas when their car began to sputter and cough. Soon, it died completely and they were stranded on the side of a state highway with little traffic.

Fortunately, a pick up truck pulled over to help. The driver was a comely middle aged wo...

[OC] A man wakes up one morning not feeling well.

He decides to go and see the doctor because he has some symptoms he’s heard are related to the virus all over the news. On the way to his appointment, his car breaks down and he has to walk the rest of the way. He’s exhausted by the time he finally arrives at the Doctor’s office, 15 minutes late....

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Pop my Cherry

A man was driving down a remote road when his car broke down. There was no cell service so he walked to the nearest farm. He was approached by a farmer.

“How can I help you?” asked the farmer.

“Can I use a phone, my car broke down?”

“All the phones are down, I can drive you i...

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The talking horse.

A man travels quietly in his car when suddenly it breaks down. The man is then forced to get off and check his car engine.

He did not understand what was happening when suddenly a brown horse with white spots approaches to see the car engine.

"It's the carburetor" the man listens, but ...

Three girls are driving in a desert when their car breaks down.

One of them was a brunette, the other one a redhead, and the last one, a blonde. As their car broke down in the middle of nowhere and they know nothing about cars, they decide to take a part of the car with them.

The brunette says: "I'm gonna take the roof, so I can protect myself from sandst...

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Kansas

So a man is driving down a Kansas highway, when all of the sudden his car breaks down. The man gets out of his car, pops the hood, and starts diagnosing his problem. All the sudden out of nowhere the man hears "it's the radiator." Shocked the man looks up and around doesn't see anybody, except for a...

A man is driving in the the remote wilderness of central Iceland

when his car broke down. After trying in vain to restart it, he got out, opened the hood and started tinkering with the engine. He was about to give up hope when he heard a voice behind him.

"That'll be your alternator. You've got an uneven air gap between rotor and stator and it's causing it...

a man meet his friend

sitting on a rock in the middle of his living room. as they're carrying it outside the man says :

\- man why was that rock here ?

\- because of the genie in this bottle

\- a genie ?!

he takes the bottle and a genie gets out and says :

\- i can grant you one wish...

A coffin maker was on his way to deliver a coffin

...when his car broke down. Trying not to be late he put the coffin on his head and began heading to his destination.

A policeman saw him, told him to stop and asked, "Hey what are you carrying and where are you going?"

The man replied,

"I do not like where I was buried so I ...

Knock on the door at 2 AM

A husband and wife are sound asleep, when at 2 AM there’s loud banging on the door and a man shouting “Can you give me a push please?”

The husband wakes up and hears it, but buries his head under the blankets and tries to sleep again.

A few minutes later, the banging continues, and the...

CAR breakes down

So my car breakes down in the middle of farm land country. With no cell phone, little bit hungry and thirsty I decided to get help from the nearest farm so start walking.
Getting there after about half an hour I rang the doorbell and a boy 13 maybe 14 opens.

‘Hello there, my car broke do...

The Unluckiest Guy in the world

A huge guy is drinking in a bar with his friend, when suddenly he sees a dude who looks really depressed. He looks at his friend and goes, 'You see the guy that seems to be having a really bad day? Well I'm gonna make his day even worse'. So he walks up to the dude and drinks the glass that was in...

A mans car breaks down near a monastery.

Greeted by monks, they offer him shelter for the night and to fix his car. While sleeping in the spare bedroom, he hears a knock on the wall

*Thud*

He asked them the next day while they treated him to breakfast in bed. What was the knock?

"We can't tell you, you're not a monk."<...

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Why there are no male agony aunts

Dear Jim, last week I left for work as normal but after having only gone a mile my car broke down. I walked home and arriving unexpectedly I found my Husband having sex with the babysitter!! I just can't believe this has happened, I'm devastated and don't know what to do! Can you please help?
...

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A lawyer's car breaks down.

A lawyer's car breaks down in the middle of the country. Having no cell reception, he walks back up the road half a mile to a farm house he passed.

"Hi, sorry to trouble you but can I use your phone? My car broke down, and I need to call triple-A" the lawyer asks.

"Don't got no phone,...

Another penguin joke

This was my grandpa's favorite joke, I had to share it here.

A penguin was driving down a desert freeway during a very hot summer. The penguin didn't mind the heat outside, because it had fantastic air conditioning in its car.

...until its car broke down. Luckily, there was a pay...

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