Can You Help Me Jokes - 18 Hilarious Can You Help Me Jokes

I asked my wife, “I’m stuck on a crossword clue—Overworked Postman— can you help me?”

She said, “Sure. How many letters?”

I said, “I’m guessing—too many.”

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me?

I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground.
You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"...

"Hey, can you help me sharpen these throwing stars?"

"Shuriken"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Me: Can you help me get over my gambling addiction?

Therapist: You bet.

Me: Yes, that’s why I asked.

Bro, can you help me name these information pamphlets?

Brochure.

"Dad, can you help me with my homework?"

"Sure son"

"What are 5 animals that live in the ocean?"

"3 whales and two dolphins"

"Thanks dad"

"Anytime"

Excuse me, can you help me find the sperm bank?

Sure, it's the one with the sign that says, "Come inside."

Barron Trump: "Dad, can you help me with my economics homework?"

Donald: "no, son. It wouldn't be right."

Barron: "I know, but will you try it anyway?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

and bread..

A man and his wife are talking.

W- can you help me in the garden?

H- do i look like a gardener?

W- well can you help with the door?

H- do i look like a carpenter?

Man leaves for work. Comes back later and it's all done.

H- see I knew yo...

A blonde calls her husband at work one day and asks him, "Can you help me when you get home?"

"Sure," he replies. "What's the problem?"

"Well, I started a really hard puzzle and I can't even find the edge pieces."

"Look on the box," he said. "There's always a picture of what the puzzle is."

"It's a big rooster," she said.

The husband arrives home and tells his blo...

Can you help me with this problem? X+U=25

I think X=15, because U sure are a 10.

A fisherman goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, can you help me!? I've hurt my hand!"

The doctor takes a look and says, "It's nothing too serious, you've pulled a mussel."

St. Peter is standing at Heaven's Gates

when an angel comes to him with a message that he needs to attend to. Not wanting to leave the Gates unattended, he looks around for help. Just at that moment, he sees Jesus coming around the corner so he calls him over.

"Hey Jesus, can you help me out? I need to take care of something. Could...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An elderly Man goes to the Doctor.

Man:"Doctor i need help, recebtly i got a new Girlfriend, 26 years old and im pretty much impotent can you help me?"

Doctor:"I have the right thing for you, please drop your pants."

The Man drops his Pants and the Doctor puts a syringe in his , containing a blue liquid.

The...

So... two guys are walking through the desert and they find this deep hole.

The first guy says "That looks like a deep hole."
The second guy says "That looks like a REALLY deep hole. Let's check it out." He picks up a small rock and throws it in. The rock goes Bang bang ^bang .... They agree. It is deep. They pick up a rock the size of a bowling ball and throw it...

I Think I’m a Moth!

A man bursts into a doctor’s office breathlessly flapping his elbows and exclaims, “Doctor can you help me? I think I’m a moth!”

“I can’t help you,” replies the doctor, “I’m a cardiologist. I help people with heart problems. You have a head problem. You need a shrink!”

“I know,” replie...

The Penguin Joke

A truck delivering penguins to the Zoo broke down a few miles from its destination. The driver flagged an empty truck down. He said hey Buddy can you help me out I need to get these penguins to the zoo in the next hour and the repair truck will be here in about the same time, could you help me out a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks in to a psychiatrist's office.

The psychiatrist asks, "What seems to be the problem?"

The guy says, "I just can't seem to make friends with anyone. Can you help me, you fat ugly ?"

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