UPJOKE

Born Yesterday Jokes

My son was just born and another dad at the nursery congratulated me and said his daughter was born yesterday. He said; maybe they’ll marry each other.

Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age...

Why can't you fool an aborted baby?

Because he wasn't born yesterday

I am smarter than George Jetson

Because unlike him, I wasn't born yesterday

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] My girlfriend just broke up with me.

She found my collection of child pornography on my laptop. I tried to explain to her that it wasn't mine. She didn't believe me and asked me if I thought she was born yesterday.

"I fucking wish." probably wasn't the best response.

teacher :- hey how are you ? student:- not good ! teacher :- what's wrong

Student :- my sister is at hospital she can't even speak or walk i think she is paralyzed
teacher :- omg ! I am sorry to hear !what happened?
student :- she was born yesterday

Man, I hate it when the date picker for my birthday on a website starts with the current date.

Do they think that I was born yesterday?

I tried to steal candy from a baby.

He slapped my hand away. Turns out he wasn't born yesterday.

Why are miscarried children very smart?

Because they weren't born yesterday.

A joke for my granddaughter

My daughter had a baby girl yesterday and we live 1000 miles apart. I texted my daughter a first joke for the baby.



Me: Hey baby. Do you know why the chicken crossed the road?

Baby: Of course I know the answer to that old joke, Granny. Do you think I was born yesterday?

OC (i think) St peter says "you have to answer a question before I can let you in"...

...”But you were an aborted fetus, so you really don't know anything.”

The fetus responds "it's okay, you shouldn't treat me any differently. Besides it's not like I was born yesterday"

100% True Story - Funniest Thing That Ever Happened to Me

Not long after my younger son was born I left the Army and, not having a new job to go to and my wife having a great job, I looked after the house and my two boys for some years.

When my older son started school, we would walk home together and discuss what he'd learned and talk about life. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young woman is at a party where she meets an older gentleman.

The two get to talking and eventually the topic of age comes up. The older gentleman says, "Well, I'm 57, but don't tell me how old you are just yet! See, I have this special ability where I can tell when a woman was born by feeling her breasts." Amazed by the bold claim, the young woman dismisse...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

All divine beings gather for an emergency meeting

The gods take their time, but one by one everyone is in attendance around a long, dark table on a well-lit cloud.

Yahweh is at the head of the table, simply dressed and glowing. Satan sat at the other end, dressed in a casual suit and a trench coat, a cigarette in hand.

**Yahweh:** O...

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