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Bad Dog Jokes

Bad Dog

One winter day, a guy was walking down the street when he saw a mangy old dog lying in the middle of the sidewalk. It was covered in flies and seemed to be barely alive. Rather than try to help it, the guy gave it a sharp kick and laughed as it limped away.

Without warning, the guy became a s...

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NSFW. I walked in on my wife having sex with my best friend.

So I did what any husband would do.

Took a rolled up newspaper and smacked him on the nose saying, "Bad dog! Very Bad dog!"

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Bad dog!

A guy tells his wife he has to work late, and takes his secretary to a hotel room for some wild sex. On his way home, he notices a huge hickey on his neck and begins to panic. What would he tell his wife?

Walking in the door he is greeted by his excited dog. In a moment of inspiration he drop...

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Cheating wife

A guy walks into a bar and orders a triple scotch. The bartender pours him the drink and the guy downs it in one gulp.
"Wow", says the bartender, "Something bad must have happened". Yeah it did, he said.
"I came home early today, went up to the bedroom, and found my wife having sex with my b...

5 Things you do not want to hear while having surgery:

1: "Ew, yuck! That's gross!

2: "No Spot, give that back! Bad dog! Bad, bad doggy!"

3: "Doctor, what are you doing here? Are you out on parole?

4: "Hey, this is great! We could use a good kidney!"

5: Can you figure out how to stop that thing from beating? It's ruining my c...

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best friend

“You look upset, Jack, what’s wrong?” “I’ve just found my wife in bed with my best friend.” “Oh mate, I’m sorry to hear that. What did you do?” “I told her to pack her bags and fuck off.” “Good for you, and what about your best friend?” “I got him by the scruff of the neck and said, ‘Bad dog!

A man walks into a bar

A man walks into a bar and orders a shot of whiskey. He downs it and orders another. He downs it and orders a third. As he’s reaching for it the bartender asks if something’s wrong. “Well”, the man replies, “I just caught my wife in bed with my best friend.” The bartender replies “Man, that’s tough,...

NSFW Husband catches wife...

I came home early from work the other day & caught my wife in bed with my best friend!

So I did what any man would do in a situation like that. I hit him on the nose with a rolled up newspaper & told him, "Bad dog, very bad dog! Get down! You know you're not allowed on the bed! Very ...

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A guy is in a bar looking slightly worse for wear... (NSFW)

...and the barman notices he looks pretty down and has been drinking quite heavily that night so he decides to ask him what's up.

The guy answers, "Well, I got home from work today to find my wife fucking my best friend."

"Shit, I'm sorry to hear that," says the barman, "that's terribl...

I CAME HOME EARLY FROM WORK ONE AFTERNOON AND FOUND MY WIFE AND BEST FRIEND HAVING INTERCOURSE.

###

I couldn't believe it.


I was in tears.


I could never trust her again.


I sent her away and told her to never return. It was over.


Still weeping, I sat on the bed next to my best friend.


I said, "bad dog".

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A man is sitting at the bar, his head in his hands.

Bartender: What’s the matter buddy?

Man: It’s the worst thing ever. I caught my wife in bed with my best friend.

Bartender: Oh man that really sucks! What did you do?

Man: I told her to pack her shit and get the hell out!

Bartender: What about your best friend?

Man...

Charles visits his grandpa...

On the first morning of the visit, Charle’s grandpa prepares a breakfast of bacon and eggs. Charles notices a weird substance on his plate and asks, “Grandpa, are you sure these plates are clean?”

grandpa replies, “They’re as clean as cold water can get them, just eat your breakfast.”

...

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A man sitting in a bar head down and sobbing

Bartender: Hey bud everything ok?

Man: No I'm terrible I caught my wife having sex with my best friend!

Bartender: Omg that's horrible I'm sorry what did you do?

Man: I told her to pack her shit up and get out!

Bartender: Understandable, and your friend?

Man: I cha...

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A man walks into a bar and orders a triple scotch...

The bartender pours the drink and the man downs it in one gulp. He slams the glass on the bar and says "Pour me another!"

The bartender says, "Woah, man. That's a pretty stiff drink I just gave you. Why don't you tell me what's going on?"

The man says, "Well, I came home from work toda...

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A man goes into his local bar.

He takes a seat and the bartender grabs him his usual drink and takes it to him.

"Why the long face pal?" The bartender asks him.

"Well I caught my girl cheating on me with my best friend." Says the man

"That's horrible, what did you tell your girlfriend?"

"I told her to ...

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A bad, bad day

After walking into the bar with a very disturbed look on his face,a guy orders 4 tequila shots. He then proceeds to down all four of them immediately...

Bartender: "Wow, any man who drinks like that has a problem."

Guy: "You could definitely say that. I came home from work early today...

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