UPJOKE

At Least I Don't Jokes

A man goes to the doctor to get his test results...

The doctor says, I'm sorry but I have bad news. You have cancer.

The man says, oh no, that's terrible!

The doctor says, I'm very sorry, but I have even more bad news. You've also got Alzheimer's.

The man says, oh my God, that's awful! But hey, at least I don't have cancer!

The doctor said to the patient:

\-You have two problems. First, you have AIDS.

\-What? AIDS? I'm going to die! That's horrible!

\-Second, you have Alzheimer's.

\-Well, at least I don't have AIDS.

Twins Timmy and Tommy wake up Christmas morning and discover they each have three presents.

Timmy opens his first present, its a brand new PS4 with games.

Tommy opens his first present, and its an old, worn out sweater.

Timmy opens his second present, and its a brand new Flat Screen TV.

Tommy opens his second present and its an old, broken down tube TV.

Timm...

\r\jokes has the funniest most original content

But at least I don't have Alzheimer's.

The orphanage I work at burned down

At least I don't have to call anyone's family.

I may have Alzheimer's...

But at least I don't have Alzheimer's.

Doctor: I'm afraid you have cancer and alzheimers.

Patient: Hey, at least I don't have cancer!

Your lab results are back. It's not good news.

Doctor: I have your test results.

Mr. Smith: Don't sugarcoat it, doc.

Doctor: You have alzheimer's disease and terminal cancer.

Mr. Smith: Well at least I don't have cancer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Timmy comes home from school to find his parents in the middle of a fight.

Timmy's parents keep him pretty sheltered, and they don't normally fight in front of him, so he stops to see what is going on. The argument is pretty heated and at this point has devolved to plain old shouting insults at one another.

His mother yells at his father "At least I don't have hair...

I may not be smart, or attractive, or likeable, or rich.

But at least I don't have self-confidence issues.

I was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer's and Cancer

The cancer sucks, but at least I don't have Alzheimer's!

Wait

No

I do

I can feel the edges of my mind unraveling; each piece, once so firmly put together, slowly falling away from my grasp. To know that the mind, the seat of who you are, can simply... disintegrate, like a...

My doctor diagnosed me with cancer and Alzheimer's.

It was a lot to process and the road ahead won't be easy,

but hey! At least I don't have cancer!!

A doctor recently told me that I have cancer and now he's saying that I also have dementia.

At least I don't have cancer.

I'm bummed out because i was just diagnosed with alzheimer's

at least I don't have alzheimer's

A comfortably old joke

A doctor runs a test on an elderly lady in the hospital and comes in to her room to read her the results.
"I have some bad news, and some more bad news. You have cancer, and you also have Alzheimer's disease"
The woman says "Well at least I don't have cancer."

I may have Alzheimer's disease, but look at the bright side...

...at least I don't have Alzheimer's!

Guy gets a call from his doctor...

Doc: I have bad news, and I have worse news.

Guy: Wow. Ok, well let's start with the worse news.

Doc: You have cancer and only have about 3 months to live.

Guy (shaken): Ok, what's the bad news?

Doc: You have Alzheimer's Disease.

Guy (waits a beat): Well at least ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Unfair Christmas

Two brothers open up their Christmas gifts. One got many gifts. Xbox One, PS4, tons of games, Legos, remote control vehicles, and much more. The other one got a used tennis ball. One brother says to the other "Look at all the gifts I got, and you got a shitty tennis ball. HAHA" the other replies "At...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A rear-engine car argued with a Tank.

-What kind if an idiot has their heart in their ass?

The rear-engine car replied:

-At least i don't have a Dick on my forehead.

Guy goes in for a checkup...

... Doc says, "Mister, I've got bad news, and I've got worse news. Which do you want first?"

The guys says, "Jeez Doc, I guess give me the worse news first."

Doc says, "You've got AIDS. You're gonna die."

"Oh man that's terrible! What's the bad news?"

Doc replies, "You've...

An 85 year old man goes to his doctor for his annual checkup...

... Doc says, Mr. Jones, I have bad news and worse news.

"Whats the worse news?"

"You have a relatively large brain tumor that is very aggressive and the treatment options are almost nonexistent, so I'm afraid you have about 6 months to live."

Mr. Jones hangs his head for a coup...

Doctor: sir I have two bad diagnoses for you...

Doctor: sir I have two bad diagnoses for you, one is that you have worst diarrhoea I have ever seen.
Patient: what's the other one then?
Doctor: you also have very bad amnesia, you can't remember anything from last 15 seconds.
Patient: well at least I don't have diarrhoea.

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