I got my back adjusted a practitioner of ancient egyptian medicine
A Cairo-practor
I was offered to invest in restoring an ancient Egyptian architecture
I didn’t reply, it sounded like a pyramid scheme
What did the Ancient Egyptians call the pharaoh who farted oddly?
Toot Uncommon
What was the most common reason ancient Egyptians would cry?
They missed their mummies.
During a history-themed comedy roast night, we couldn't decide whether to roast each other as ancient Roman gods or ancient Egyptian gods.
In the end, we agreed to diss a Greek.
How do you enter an ancient Egyptian burial chamber?
You just give a Tutankhamen.
What do you call an ancient Egyptian cook?
Gordon Rameses.
Why did the ancient egyptians all love Nissan?
Because Nissan Sentra.
My wife says I'm going to Duat for this one....
Did you know the ancient Egyptians watched monster movies?
Moth-Ra was their favorite. (Yes, I am a dad)
As an ancient Egyptian my biggest worry would probably be...
That the people burying me would forget the toothbrush.
What operating system did the ancient Egyptian Pharaohs use?
Ubuntutankhamun
Understanding the wealth of ancient Egyptians means...
...realizing that not only did they stuff the tombs with gold, but also wrapped the corpses in toilet paper.
Ancient Egyptian architect: "Do you know how to build a pyramid?"
Ancient Egyptian builder: "Well, err yeah, up to a point."
The ancient Egyptians almost never passed gas
Until the king made tootin' common.
Why did the Ancient Egyptians build Great Pyramids?
Because their Great Igloos melted.
Whats the difference between an ancient Egyptian Prince and a Kardashian?
The Egyptian knew from the start that their daddy would become a mummy.
I was excited to work for the ancient Egyptians
Until I realized it was a pyramid scheme
Two archaeologists are excavating an ancient Egyptian tomb
Suddenly both archaeologists let out loud farts in unison. They turn to each other and one says, “Hmm, it seems that we have a Tutankhamen”
What was the name of that thing that really attracted ancient Egyptian women?
Pharaoh moans.
What did the Ancient Egyptians call a good lookin mummy?
a MILF
What’s the similarity between a man with an upset stomach and a list of ancient Egyptian pharaohs?
>!They both have a toot in common!<
TIL Ancient Egyptian pyramids didn't have doorbells, they had horns instead.
You just used to toot and come in.
Which ancient Egyptian chancellor spoke his mind most frankly when in court?
IMHOtep
How many Ancient Egyptians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Oh! You're a conspiracy theorist too?
I keep having bad dreams about an ancient Egyptian mummy attacking me while I'm cooking. I call them my...
Rameses kitchen nightmares.
Did you know that ancient Egyptians were related by their farts?
It's true. They had a toot in common.
Did you hear about the ancient Egyptian man that launched a successful stone quarry business?
Turns out it was a pyramid scheme all along.
So these two ancient Egyptian brothers are mummifying their father.
After several hours one of the brothers realises how long they've been working. So he turns to his brother and says "Hey, let's wrap this up."
Did you hear that archaeologists discovered an unusual ancient Egyptian tomb recently?
The body was preserved with chocolate and nuts.
Experts believe it to be the tomb of Pharaoh Roche!
So a wealthy ancient Egyptian was approached by the Pharaoh's messenger asking for funding for their rulers tomb. He replied,
"it seems likes its just a pyramid scheme"
Yo momma's so old...
even the ancient Egyptians called her "mummy"
Ancient Egyptians who worked to preserve the Pharaoh for the afterlife are known for having being very good businessmen. In fact, they even invented what we know today as the "return policy."
It was know back then as the "mummy back guarantee..."
The pyramids took so long to build because creepers kept on destroying them...
That's why the ancient Egyptians worshipped cats to scare the creepers away.
Mike Tyson in Egypt
So mike Tyson is vacation in Egypt. He is having a great time but slowly begins to run out of things to do. A few days go by and he even grows tired of gawking at the pyramids. He’s searching for something to do! He heads to his local marketplace. There he finds a book on ancient Egyptian hieroglyph...
A new discovery is made pertaining to the ethnicity of Ancient Egyptian Kings
Archaeologists have discovered that the kings of Ancient Egypt were in fact black. Upon unwrapping the gold sarcophagus they found the body of a dark chocolate skinned man. The legendary Pharaoh Rocher.
Oldest jokes in human history - Another s*x joke, Ancient Egypt, 1600 BC.
One of the world's oldest joke was found in the Ancient Egyptian story book known as the Westcar Papyrus
It goes:
# "How do you entertain a bored pharaoh?
# "You sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile and urge the pharaoh to go catch a fish."
An Italian, an Egyptian and a Greek...
...were fighting over whose ancestors had the most advanced civilization.
The Romans were the most advanced said the Italian. And I'm going to prove it to you. Here's a photograph from a recent excavation site under the Colloseum. What do you see?
The Egyptian and the Greek after st...
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
A husband and a wife is having issue in the bedroom
An ancient Egyptian couple are having sex. After a while, the wife becomes annoyed and tells her husband, "It's too damn hot in here! I can't come. Call the slave boy in and have him fan us".
The slave boy comes in and starts fanning, but it's no use, and the husband can barely continue anymo...
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