My parents are always telling me that their world doesn't revolve around me
So....I guess that means that I'm not actually their sun :(
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
Why are men always telling their women terrible puns?
So we can stare at their tits while they're rolling their eyes.
People are always telling me to live my dream...
... but I don't **want** to take an exam I haven't studied for...
People are always telling me I should come to Jesus
But as soon as ya start touching your self to a stained glass window you're suddenly a "sinner" and a "pervert"
My dad is always telling people I’m Useless
I’ve told him at least 100 times, it’s pronounced Ulysses
People are always telling me that “mean” and “rude” have the same definitions. So I ask them,
"what do you rude?"
My wife is always telling me I shouldn’t stick Q-tips so far in my ear
At least that’s what I think she was saying
My girlfriend (26) is always telling me (27) to stop impersonating a flamingo.
Had to put my foot down
People are always telling me to follow my dream.
But when you've been arrested for stalking and need bail money, they're nowhere to be found.
You know, people are always telling me how I dont communicate right or dont understand emotions.
You know what i say to that?
Kiss my ASPERGERS!
(Joke curtousy of my Autistic coworker and good friend)
The weatherman is always telling me things like "it's 70 degrees out, but feels like 59."
So I told my wife, "oh honey I swear it's 8 inches, but it just feels like 4."
Why is everyone always telling me to invest in a retirement program?
If I have them rotated every 6000 miles like I'm supposed to I shouldn't have to re-tire in the first place.
A group of friends are always telling the same jokes...
They got so used to it that they numbered them, and instead of telling the joke they would just say "1", or "13", and everyone would laugh.
One day their all gathered around, telling their favorite jokes ("22", "5", etc). One guys says "42" and the group chuckles, except for one guy who star...
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