UPJOKE

Almost 30 Jokes

It’s almost 30 years ago, whilst I was in the Army one night

I was about to propose to my girlfriend when my roommate Joseph barged into the room out of nowhere, tripped and fell over, breaking a glass table with his face. Totally ruined the mood. Now, I didn't know Joseph THAT well, don't even remember where he was from, but let' just say I put my plans on h...

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Cum leaves the body at almost 30 miles per hour, which means it is illegal to ejaculate in a school zone.

I don't think the speed was why I was arrested though.

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A caretaker had been working at a church for almost 30 years

One day while the priest was doing confessions, he got a phonecall telling him that his father was dying and he needed to come to his bedside as soon as possible. Not wanting to let down the people needing confessions, he asked the caretaker to fill in. "You've been here long enough to know the dri...

My wife and i were very happy for almost 30 years.

then we met.

It's been almost 30 years since my dad died and I think my mom should start seeing someone else...

...she just doesn't turn me on the way she used to.

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Now that I'm almost 30, there is nothing more sexy to me, than a girl who is fully covered...

...By her health insurance provider.

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A guy sees a girl with no arms or legs...

A guy sees a girl with no arms or legs on the beach and she is crying. The guy goes up to her and he says "Why are you crying?" The woman replies I'm almost 30 and I have never been hugged!" The man goes and gives her a hug.

The next day the man goes to the same beach and sees the same wom...

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Rescued at last...

A man has been stranded on a deserted island for years before he is found. On the helicopter ride back to civilization, a rescuer asks him where he wants to go first.
The man says, "After all this time, there is only one thing I want. A woman!"
The rescuer responds, "The best I can do it t...

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Some nsfw funnies I remembered

1)

There was a dad whose response was very odd to stuff asked by his son.

S: Can I ride my bike to school?

D: Does your dick touch your asshole?

S: No

D: Well there's your answer

So on and so forth, "Can I date girls?", "Can I smoke?", "Can I skip school tod...

A man walks into a bar and sees a mason jar full of money on the counter

*"You sure get a lot of tips"* he says.
"That's not a tip jar" says the bartender "you see, we like to play a little game here. You put five bucks into the jar, you get three tasks, and if you complete them, the entire jar is yours. Wanna play?
*"Sure, why not?"*
"Alright, here we go....

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