UPJOKE

Allergic To Nuts Jokes

I think my girlfriend is allergic to nuts.

She's on her knees right now, her face is red, and she can't breathe.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend refused to have unprotected sex

I understand, she is deadly allergic to nuts.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you're allergic to milk, don't tell your fifth grade class

I was known as "the kid who's allergic to titties". The worst part is I believed it, so I thought for sure I was gay. But I second guessed myself, after remembering I was also allergic to nuts.


Later I found out I'm just dumb.

A man and his wife went to a new restaurant...

A waiter soon comes up to their table.
Waiter: Good evening, what would you like to order?
Wife: I would like to have the salad, no nuts, please.
Waiter: Certainly, ma'am.

The man quickly leans over to his wife.
Man: But there isn't any mention of nuts in the menu de...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

the waiter

So a customer says to the waiter, "I'm a vegetarian, I'm allergic to gluten, I don't eat carbs, I'm lactose intolerant, and I'm allergic to nuts. What should I get?"

And the waiter says, "... the fuck out."

Life is like a box of chocolates.

If you're allergic to nuts, you might die.

Sarah Palin and Donald Trump served PB&J sandwiches at his last political rally

because if you go to one of those, you're not allergic to nuts

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.