UPJOKE

All Over You Jokes

I asked my 7 year old, "Why do you have chocolate all over your face?"

He said, "Saving it for leftovers."

That boy cracks me up.

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Hey Man, don't let her walk all over you. Be like a narcissist's dick

and stand up for yourself.

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A gambler gets a notice from the IRS that he’s being audited.

The gambler calls his tax attorney and they go to see the IRS agent. As they are waiting in the office, the agent looks over his paperwork and says:

“The reason for your audit is that you live such a lavish lifestyle, yet not much income to justify it. Can you tell me what you do for a living...

AXE products claim if you smell good, women will be all over you, but that can't be right

I've never had any problems with my nose and I'm still single.

What do you call it when someone spreads germs all over your pizza?

Little Sneezers

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

The auditor said, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."

"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Grandpa. "How about a demonstration?"

The a...

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A woman in her 70s decided it was finally time to get married.

She put an add out in the newspaper. "Husband wanted. Must not beat me, must not walk all over me, must still be good in bed"


She got many applicants but after a few weeks she didn't find anybody suitable. She was about to give up, when she heard her doorbell ring. She opens the door to...

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A drunk man sitting at a bar starts to dry heave (long)

The bar patrons instinctively moved away from him, and sure enough, he vomits all over the bar and himself. The man immediately starts sobbing loudly.

The bartender approaches slowly to address the mess. He says to the man "Hey, man. Don't worry about it. You're not the first guy to throw up ...

If you start going bald, get rabbits tattooed all over your head.

Until you get up close they look just like hares.

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