UPJOKE

A Video Of Jokes

I took a video of my shoe yesterday.

It was some pretty good footage

What do you call a video of an emo, appearing in a video game??

A cut scene.

What do you call a video of someone's feet?

Footage

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I recently saw a video of a girl sitting on various fruit

To me, that's fucking bananas

What does a video of a Food Buffet being set up, look like?

I dont know yet, its still Buffering

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What do you call a video of two toads having sex?

Frogspawn.

I just saw a video of someone crushing a 6 pack of Coke in a hydraulic press. All that wasted cola made me so sad.

It was soda-pressing

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TIFU by posting a video of my wife frantically scratching her pussy...

It went fungal

Hillary was shown a video of her flip-flopping on issues all over her career.

At first, she was upset. Now she says she's ok with it.

Hey, I like dark humour, I can't help myself. Last week I saw a video of a kid getting hit by a car and just BURST out laughing...

The police officers didn't seem impressed but I just told them, "you had to be there".

I took a video of my symptoms that suggested a bacterial infection

it turned out to be viral.

I spent my Google Rewards on a video of Caitlyn Jenner

It was definitely worth the transaction

How come when a video of a squirrel putting a nut in a dog gets 18k upvotes and is called "Cute"

but when I do it it's a "heinous act" and my dog gets taken away?

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What's the hardest part about watching a video of somebody being beheaded?

My dick.

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Just filmed a video of the Mrs wanking me off with her toes.

Lovely bit of footage.

I was going to record a video of me playing the violin but...

I didn't want to fiddle with the camera

China recently tried to gain favor with the rest of the world by releasing a video of all their native bears, standing in a big circle, to show their repopulation and conservation efforts. Some people thought it was great.

I think it was just panda ring.

I was having trouble driving when I found a video of guy with no arms who was drifting around in a car like it was nothing. It really moved me and I decided if he can do it, so can I.

And I did do it! But there's still a part of me that misses my arms though.

I came home one day.

My wife was watching a movie, she kept on screaming at the TV, don't do it, don't do it.. I asked her what movie she was watching?

She said, a video of our wedding day.

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My wife told me I had a small penis, so I said it was big enough to hurt her.

"There isn't a woman in the world that would be hurt by that thing." She said.

I then showed her a video of me fucking her sister.

So, there was a Horse, a Sheep and a Chicken and they lived in a barn

The horse had long dreamed of learning to play the guitar.


So the horse rings a music shop and he says, “Hey, I’d love to learn to play guitar. Is there anyone who can teach me”?


The music shop manager says “That’s not an issue, let’s get you started on some music lessons.” ...

A blonde and a brunette are watching the evening news...

When a story comes on with a video of a man standing on a bridge threatening to jump. The brunette says, "I'll bet you $20 he jumps." The blonde replies, "I'll take that action!"

After watching for 5 minutes or so the man jumps from the bridge and the blonde reluctantly gives $20 to the brune...

A Blonde and her boyfriend are watching the 9pm news

A Blonde and her boyfriend are watching the 9pm news, the anchor is showing a video of a girl threatening to jump off a cliff. The guy turns to the Blonde and says "I bet you $500 she jumps" "you're on" the Blonde replies.

2 minutes later the girl jumps and dies.

As she is pulling mo...

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A jealous husband hired a detective to keep a watch on his wife.

The husband wanted more than a written report—he wanted a video of his wife’s activities.
A week later, the detective returned with a video. They sat down together to watch it. Although the quality was less than professional, the man saw his wife meeting another man!
He saw the two ...

LPT: Forgot the name of a song but know the tune?

Just upload a video of you humming it onto YouTube and you'll immediately get a copyright claim stating the name of the song!

Video

Did a video of my hubby playing the piano with his toes... Great footage...

What’s the difference between a chick pea and a garbanzo bean?

Trump doesn’t have a video of a garbanzo beaning on his face

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I was watching TV last night

And an advertisement came on with the sweet sound of Sarah McLachlan singing her hit ballad “Angel” and a video of little African children COVERED in flies. A 1-800 number popped up on the screen and said, “for just 22 cents a day...” I had heard enough! I picked up the phone to call, I just had to ...

Christian to an Atheist, "If God isn't real, how do you explain walking on water? Can you walk on water like Jesus?"

Atheist : Yes.
Christian : Show me a video of you walking on water.
Atheist : I don't need to. You just need to have faith that I did.

I’ve heard the reviews for the new Grinch movie have been bad.

One reviewer asked theater goers if they would watch The Grinch or a video of a sea sick crocodile, and 90% proffered watching the sea sick crocodile.

Whats the difference between a Russian garbanzo bean and a Russian chickpea?

A president has never been blackmailed into treason over a video of him paying to have a Russian garbanzo bean on his face.

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A priest wanted to test the sanity of his monks.

He tied to his 4 monk's dicks a rope connected to a bell.
He showed all of them a picture of a woman in a bikini.
Ding!
The priest slapped the first monk and said:"You are no saint! Get out of here!"
And the first monk left.
Next he showed all of them a picture of a fully naked woman....

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