UPJOKE

A Block Jokes

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Some jerk glued every card in my deck together so now its just a block of cardboard.

I'm having trouble dealing with it.

I was assaulted by a man with a block of cheese.

I mean, how dairy!

A guy walks into a restaurant and orders minced pork shoulder and ham, pressed it into a block and served in a can.

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What do you call a dollar frozen in a block of ice?

Cold hard cash.

A man who lived in a block of apartments thought it was raining…

… and put his head out the window to check. As he did so a glass eye fell into his hand. He looked up to see where it came from, just in time to see a young woman looking down.
"Is this yours?" He asked.
She said, "Yes, could you bring it up?" and the man agreed. On arrival she was profuse i...

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Making a block of cheese out of scrap is horrible.

It is absolutely de-grating.

Went to see my doctor about a blocked ear

He asked me to describe the symptoms.
I said “homer is a fat bloke and marge has blue hair”

Cutting down a tree with a block of cheese is easy.

You just gotta make sure it's extra sharp.

Somone hit me with a block of cheese yesterday

I turnt arround and said 'That was mature wasn't it? '

Most blocks in Minecraft are one square meter. Where in Minecraft can you find a block that has only two square feet?

Whichever one the player’s standing on.

I was walking home and somebody threw a block of cheese at my head

It wasn't very mature.

I won a duel using a block of cheese last week. How you might ask?

It was extra sharp.

I paid $3 for a block of metal yesterday

It was really quite the steel

A woman was walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out.

A cop was approaching from about a block away, thinking to himself, "Boy, my eyes must be going. It looks like that woman is hanging out of her blouse."

But, as he got closer, it became apparent that she really was hanging out her blouse.

When the officer got face to face with the woma...

Back in the days of the USSR, two men stood in a block-long line for cucumbers...

Suddenly one of them snaps, and yells "This is an outrage! Waiting for hours for a couple of lousy cucumbers! I'm going to the Kremlin to assassinate the fools responsible for this!" and stomps off. A couple hours later, he's back.
One of the other people in line asks "Did you kill the guy...

I was in the supermarket the other day when this guy threw a block of cheddar at me.

Outraged, I shouted : "Well that's not very mature is it ?"

I just learned that a dentist a block away from me was arrested for dealing drugs.

Shows you how little I actually know about people. I have been going to him for 10 years and never knew he was a dentist.

My friend sneaked up behind me, and hit me over the head with a block of cheese

I said “Oh that’s very mature.”

I once asked a cheese maker if there was any way he could make me a block of cheddar using soy milk.

Hey said, "I'm sorry, but there's no whey."

Just How Smart Was Einstein?

This is a TRUE STORY but hopefully you will find some humor in it.

Back in the early 70s, when I was a college student, I took care of the yard of a lonely widower, named Arthur, who occasionally asked me to join him for a game of chess. He resided in Paradise Valley, AZ. During WWII, Arth...

Three men arrive simultaneously at the Pearly Gates.

They are greeted by St. Peter, who tells them, "Welcome! Before you can enter heaven, you must be circumcised, and I can see that none of you are. The standard procedure these days is that we remove your foreskin using whatever method your father used to make a living."
To the first guy, he says...

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Sister Mary Katherine lived in a convent, a block away from Jack's liquor store. One day, in walked Sister Mary Katherine and she said "Oh Jack, cud ye be after givin' me a pint o' brandy?”

“Sister Mary Katherine!" exclaimed Jack "I could never do that! I've never sold alcohol to a nun in me life!" "Oh Jack, me lad" she responded "tis only for the Mother Superior.” Her voice dropped. "It will be helpin' her with the constipation, you know.”

So Jack sold her the brandy. Later tha...

I left my house for a five-mile-run this morning. But when I got a block away, I had to turn around and go back because I forgot something.

I forgot I can't run five miles.

That's how to do it...

Bob and Marty were out drinking one night and were talking. Bob: I just can't seem to fool my wife, no matter what I do. I park the car a block from the house and walk the rest of the way. I enter the house as quietly as I can. I take of my shoes before I slowly climb the stairs. I get undressed in...

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A young woman visits a florist to get some flowers for her mother.

As she's perusing, she notices the most gorgeous rose she's ever seen sitting next to the cashier, and asks for its price.

"Oh, sorry," the cashier replies. "That one's not for sale. I got that as a gift from a fellow florist for hooking him up with a woman I met yesterday."

"Yesterd...

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When he was a little boy, Jonny loved tractors.

His wallpapers? Tractors. His toys? Just tractors? His clothing? All tractor-themed. Until one day, he was given the chance to ride in the cockpit of a tractor on his 6th birthday. He was sadly nearly crushed by the tractors wheels when he fell out of the cab, and the experience so traumatised him, ...

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A couple has a big mean dog that tries to bite anyone who comes close

The vet suggests getting the dog fixed to see if that will calm him down. They start walking the dog to the vet's office to get this done, when the dog spots a homless man down an alley. He pulls away from his owners, runs and attacks the homeless man leaving him a bloody mess.

The couple f...

How do you imprison a NFT?

You tie it up with a block chain.

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