UPJOKE
lpmfrisat

8am Jokes

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A man visits the council to apply for a job

During his job interview, the interviewer asks him "Are you allergic to anything?" to which the man replies "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."

"Ok, have you ever been in the military service before?"

"Yes," he says. "I was in Iraq for one tour."

The interviewer replies "That...

Told the doctor i pee at 8AM every morning

Doctor: where's the problem?

Me: i wake up at 9

Why were 6am, 7am, 8am and 9 am sad?

Because they were mourning

My co-worker takes a small blue pill with his coffee every day at 8am

He's likes to work hard in the mornings

Hey dad, I've a job interview tomorrow

"Hey dad, I've a job interview tomorrow. Can you call me an Uber tomorrow at 8am?"

"Sure thing, that sounds strange, but I can do it for you my son, love you, good night."

At 8am the next day.

"Uber, wake up now, aren't you going to an interview?!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Woke up hungover to the sound of my ASSHOLE neighbour mowing his lawn at 8am!.

Well he'll just have to mow around me today, I ain't moving!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guys without balls applies for a job

"You're hired! Report tomorrow at 8am"
\- Thanks! There's just one detail I'd like you to know about me. I lost my balls during the war. But I can otherwise function perfectly fine.
"Ah ok, then you can come tomorrow at 9am"
\- Sir, I appreciate the consideration, but I do not expect ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Government Job

A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.

Interviewer: “Do you have any allergies?”

Applicant: “Yes, I’m allergic to caffeine so I don’t drink coffee.”

Interviewer: “Ok. Are you a veteran?”

Applicant: “Yes, I was in Iraq for 3 years.”

Interviewer: “Ok,...

Maurice is 70 years old and makes an appointment to see his doctor. His doctor asks him a few questions.

His doctor asks him a few questions: "Do you have any problems urinating?"

Maurice replies "No, Doctor. It's very regular, every morning at 7am."

"And what about your bowel movements?"

Maurice replies "They're fine also, Doctor. Every morning at 8am."

"So then why did you...

A delivery driver asked me what time it was…

I said, “Somewhere between 8am and 5:30pm”.

Cable guys was just in my neighbourhood, asked me what time it was..

I said between 8am-1pm..

I have just come back from Boots Pharmacy...

...to get a thermometer, but was told they were sold out by 8am that morning. I was told they had plenty of barometers on the shelves, but i said sorry, i don't give in to pressure sales.

I was walking down the street when I passed a Comcast technician near his van and he asked me what time it was

I said “it’s between 8am and 1pm”

The difference between men and women...

A man's wife walks into their apartment at 8am after a night out. The husband, visably annoyed asks "where were you?". His wife responds, "oh I was just staying at friends house, nothing to worry about!". Suspicious, the husband waits till his wife is getting changed, calls 10 of his wife's best fri...

I had a delivery from Hermes today.

He asked if I could give him the time, so I said it was between 8am-1pm

A husband and wife will only write notes to each other

A husband and wife are in a bad relationship and they agree that the only way they can talk to each other is through notes. So one night the husband writes a note asking his wife to wake him up at 5am for his business meeting. The following morning he rolls over and sees the time is 8am. He jumps ou...

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One day the pope wakes up with an erection

Damnit, must have been a side effect from the Holy Viagra. It won't go away, but he has a parade to go to that morning! So he steps onto his Holy Balcony, slips out of his Holy Pyjamas, and does what most people do when they have an erection they want to get rid of.

That's masturbate, by the ...

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Three old man are complaining about their age

The first old man grumbles "it sucks being 70, I can't take a piss because of my bladder issues, it never seems to want to come out unless I take my pills"


The second old man scoffs and goes "nah nah, 80 is where it gets real bad. My bowels are so bad, I can't shit without prunes and laxa...

A wolf is walking through the forest...

A wolf is walking through the forest and sees a beaver.

"Come here" he says.

The Beaver comes over and the wolf, looking at a list in his hand, says "Ah here you are. Mr. Beaver. You'll come to the big field tomorrow at 8am and I'll eat you for breakfast. Any questions?"

"No" sa...

A Dr. was trying to call his patient...

A Dr. was trying to call his patient all afternoon. The phone would ring and ring and ring. The next day he tries calling again, starting at 8am, hoping to catch them before work. Finally around noon they answer.

The Dr. is relieved, and says "I have some good news and bad news, which do you...

A Man and a Priest

A man walks up to his priest and asked "Are there golf courses up in heaven?" The priest replies, "I am not sure, let me ask the big man and I will let you know next week."

A week goes by and the man walks up to the priest and asks, "So did you ask about the golf courses?" The priest replies,...

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A young salesman moves to the big city

He wants a job with the biggest department store. So he meets with the manager of the store and the manager asks him "so what makes you think you'd be so good at sales?"

"Because I am good at figuring out what people might want" said the young sales boy.

The manager decides to giv...

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