UPJOKE

80 Year Old Man Jokes

An 80 year old man goes in for a physical

And the doctor tells him, "You're in terrific health, you're healthier than most 40 year olds, what do you contribute your exceptional health to?"

And the man replies"Turkey hunting, every morning I walk in the mountains and go turkey hunting."

"Well maybe genetics has something to do ...

An 80 year old man finds a talking frog

An 80 year old man is out by a pond one day when a frog jumps onto a lily pad nearby.

“Excuse me sir,” says the frog, “I know I may appear to be just a frog, but I’m actually a beautiful princess. A witch has placed a curse on me to keep me in this form. The only thing that can break this cu...

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An 80 year old man goes into a brothel..

Picks out a young pretty woman, they go up to her room, strip down and climb into bed. The old man performs like a teenager, the prostitute is amazed at how energetic and agile he is, she tells him if he can do it like that again, she'll give him one for free. He says "Yeah, I can, but I need to ta...

An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup when the doctor asked how he was feeling.

''I've never been better!'' he boasted. ''I've got an 18 year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?''

The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, ''Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one da...

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An 80 year old man

goes to the prostitutes. He asks "I'd like a blowjob please". He pays and the woman takes him upstairs. He takes his pants off and she goes to work. After 30 minutes she sighs "I've been licking and sucking like crazy, but it's not getting hard". "No" he says, "but it's getting a lot cleaner!"

An 80 year old man married an 18 year old girl

He goes to see his doctor to ask advice on starting a family as he wants an heir, as he had been a playboy all his life and never settled down.

The doctor smiles at his request and says best thing is to get a young lodger. He thanks the doc saying yes she could do with some younger company a...

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An 80 year old man is crying in a park bench...

A young man passing by decides to help:

"What's wrong?" said the young man.

"Well... it's just that I... I'm in love with a 22 year old." said the old man.

"I see, and she doesn't correspond?" said the young man.

"Actually we are married. The problem is that, everyday ...

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An 80 year old man goes to the doctor

And was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, ‘Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.’
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor’s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and e...

A 60 year old, a 70 year old and an 80 year old man are talking...

The sixty year old says:
- Man, the age of 60 is so painful. You walk around the toilet, and you open and close the tap, but still, at the end of the day, you can only pee a few drops... It's horrible!
- That's horrible?! - says the 70 y. o. - At the age of 70 you can barely push anything out ...

An 80 year old man went for his annual check-up

and the Doctor said

"Friend, for your age, you're in the best shape I've seen."
The old fella replied, "Yep. It comes from clean living. I know for sure that I live a good, clean, spiritual life."
The Doctor ask him, "What makes you say that?" The old man replied, "If I didn't live a...

A happy 80 year old man goes to see his doctor

Doctor: Why are you so happy?

Old Man: My 19 year old wife is pregnant! Can you believe it?!

Doctor: Wow, that great news! You know, I have a story to tell you.

Old Man: Go ahead

Doctor: I once had a friend. He would go hunting every weekend. One day he forgot to bring h...

A 80 year old man walks in on his 80 year old wife doing a naked handstand

He asks, “What are you doing?”

She says, “I know you can’t get it up but maybe you can drop it in”

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An 80 year old man arrives at his doctors appointment

He sits down and the doctor proceeds to do his normal routine.

*Doctor:* So how are things going lately?

*Man:* Pretty good. I got married to a 20 year old last week.

The doctor is taken a little bit back by that statement, but continues being professional.

*Doctor:* That...

Who said he wanted to?

An 80 year old man went to the doctor for a checkup and the doctor was amazed at what good shape the guy was in. The doctor asked, *"To what do you attribute your good health?"*

The old timer said, *"I'm a golfer and that's why I'm in such good shape.   I'm up well before daylight and out go...

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80 year old man goes to the doctors.

Doc I gotta tell you what's been happening.
Go on says the doctor.
Every morning at 07:00 I have a glorious piss.
Every morning at 08:00 I take the best dump.
So what's the problem asks the doctor?
I don't get up until 09:00!!

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