UPJOKE

400 Pound Jokes

What do you call a 400 pound alcoholic?

A heavy drinker.

I gained about 400 pounds in one night

And all I had to do was rob some British guy

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just put nearly 400 pounds on a horse...

My wife wanted to go riding, poor fucking horse.

So a 400 pound lady walks into a gas station to get directions..

she walks in and says "How do I get to 280?"

A man steps out of line and replies "I guess diet and exercise didn't work!"

Ladder to the top.

A man awakes to find himself in a room with a ladder to the floor above and a $10 bill. A voice speaks “accept what is offered or climb the ladder to success.”

“$10 isn’t much” he thinks so he climbs the ladder. On the next floor he finds $1,000 in cash and a moderately attractive woman willi...

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I am never trusting in British girl again

She told me she's 400 pounds
and when we met she was a skinny ass model.

Wtf is wrong with people these days.

Are you a baby crocodile?

Cos yo momma weighs 400 pounds.

My wife asked if I've been seeing other people behind her back.

I said, you're 400 pounds, I can't see anything behind your back.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ladder to Success

A man was walking along the street when he saw a ladder going into the clouds. As any of us would do, he climbed the ladder. He reached a cloud, upon which sat a rather plump and very ugly woman.

"Make love to me or climb the ladder to success," she said.

No contest, thought the man,...

Amish elevator.

An Amish man and his son walk into a hotel and were amazed by all the sights and sounds of the hotel. What interested the Amish man the most were the doors that had a bright sheen on them.

He turns to his son and says "Son these are some of the most amazing doors I have ever seen." At this ...

The year is 2135, and the US and Russia are the only 2 remaining nations.

After a century of warfare, the two nations expanded their borders, annexing an country that stood in it's way.

Both nations, hungering for world domination, have been at war with each other for over 20 years, and have decided that the fighting would never end, as the two were so closely matc...

A short armless man comes to the priest of a small town and asks to be the church bell-ringer...

The priest is surprised, and says,

"Well, I do need a new person to ring the bells, but, well, you have no arms man! The bell is huge, its size is the one record this town holds. The last guy to do it weighed 400 pounds, and even *he* had a hard time ringing the bell. Not to mention, you cou...

Quasimodo's had it.

Sixty years climbing the steps. Sixty years ringing the bell. He's ready to retire, get a little house in the country for him and the little lady. Puts an ad on Craigslist "Bell ringer wanted. Inquire Quasimodo, Notre Dame."

Next day, there's a knock at the door. Quasi opens it, looks ou...

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