UPJOKE

3 Words Jokes

My friend asked me to describe myself in 3 words...

Lazy

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Greek mythology in 3 words

Zeus got horny

"Hey, can you explain Gorgia in 3 words?"

No I cannot

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 Words Better than I Love You?.

How about Anal?

3 words, 17 letters. Say it, and I'm yours.

Omelette du Fromage

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What are 3 words you never want to hear while having sex?

Honey, I'm home!

The path to inner peace begins with just 3 words

Not my problem

If I had to describe myself in 3 words, it would be:

Can't count very well.

What are the most common 3 words used all around the world?

Made in China.

Someone asked me to write a sad story in 3 words today

I just replied "Trump or Hilary"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous and sexy young woman entered.

She was so striking that the man could not take his eyes from her. The young woman noticed his overly-attentive stare and walked directly toward him.

Before he could offer his apologies for being so rude, the young woman said to him, “I’ll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to...

What are the first 3 words in every authentic Mexican recipe?

Steal a chicken

Ladder to the top.

A man awakes to find himself in a room with a ladder to the floor above and a $10 bill. A voice speaks “accept what is offered or climb the ladder to success.”

“$10 isn’t much” he thinks so he climbs the ladder. On the next floor he finds $1,000 in cash and a moderately attractive woman willi...

I just started practicing some speed reading techniques. Last night I read "War and Peace" in about 10 seconds.

I know it's only 3 words but it's a start!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A prostitute approached me and said, “Hey baby! $500 for anything you want.”

I asked, “Anything??”

She said, “Anything you desire. You just need to say it in 3 words.”

I thought about it for a minute and said, “Paint my house.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old lady was on her death bed

She asked her sister to bring the best sculptor in town, and asked him to carve a headstone for her grave, in beautiful lettering, reading “Born Virgin, Lived Virgin, Died Virgin”.

The artist promises her, but after her death he finds out her sister wants to pay just $ 250 for the work. He a...

Blonde goes to put her friends death in the local newspaper.

They tell her it's $1 a word, she only has $3, so she says to put in,

"Karen is dead". They feel sorry for her and tell her she can have

another 3 words for free, Put in. "Karen is dead". Microwave for sale.

A Mexican gets caught by a border patrol agent..

The border patrol agent says to the Mexican,
"If you can put these 3 words in a sentence I will let you go. The words are green, pink and yellow."

The Mexican thinks for a second,
"The phone goes green green green, I pink it up and I say yellow."

A 90 year old woman had just lost her husband of 70 years. She phoned the local paper to put her loss in the obituary.

The receptionist tells her that its £1 per word.
"Oh my. I don't have much money so can you just write 'Mort is dead,' please?"

Feeling sorry for the poor old lady, the receptionist tells her she can have another 3 words, free of charge.

The recently widowed OAP thinks for a seco...

A Mexican Joke

A Mexican man finds a much needed job and asks the owner to hire him. The owner says he'll hire him ONLY if he can come up with a sentence using 3 words of his choice. The words are Green, Pink and Yellow. So the Mexican thinks for a second then replies (read in a Spanish accent) the phone goes Gree...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is walking down the street when he is approached by a prostitute.

"For $200 I'll perform any act you want, provided you can describe it in 3 words."

The man thinks about the offer for a moment then hands over the money and replies,

"Paint my house."

A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien

"Sorry, you know the law, you've got to go back across the border right now." He tells him.

 

The mexican man pleads with the officer, "No, nooo, pleeze Senior, I must stay in te USA! Pleeeze!"

 

The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, I'm going to m...

A bedtime story (an atheist perspective)

Son: please continue yesterday's story.

Dad: So the prince had to answer this question using only 3 words, to become the next king. The question was "what would you ask if you meet God?" And the prince replied...

Dad: Are you listening?

A guy walks into a bar

A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. A few minutes later a beautiful young woman approaches the man and says, "For $200 I will do anything you want that you can describe in 3 words."

Excited, the man gets his wallet out, takes out $200 and slides it on the bar to the beautiful woman an...

French Student

Pierre just came to the U.S. and was instructed in his English class to come up with a phrase or saying using 3 English words he heard over the next weekend. He first went to the zoo and his favorite animals were the zebras, so he decided to try to use that word in his sentence. While at the zoo, he...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is walking down the street

As he's walking down the street he comes up to a prostitute that says "I'll do anything for $300", the man asks "anything?" The prostitute replies with "yes". So the man goes away to the money machine and gets $300, after getting the money he asked once more if the prostitute means absolutely anythi...

A man is sitting in a bar

A man is sitting in a bar, enjoying a glass of whiskey.
A woman walks up to him, offering him her services and let's him know she is available for the night. Furthermore she says to him that if he can describe in 3 words what he wants her to do, he can get it for a mere 100$.
The man accepts...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.