3 Minute Jokes - 28 Hilarious 3 Minute Jokes

An older woman, well past child-bearing years went to a walk-in clinic where she was seen by a young, new doctor. After about 3 minutes in the exam room, the doctor told her she was pregnant. She burst out the door, screaming as she ran down the hall.

An older doctor stopped her and asked her what the problem was, and she told him what had happened.
After hearing her out, he sat her down in another exam room and marched back to where the first doctor was and demanded, “what is the matter with you? That lady is over 60 years old, has four grown...

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A lady on the bus next to me this morning was sneezing, about every 3 minutes...

Each time she sneezed, her eyes rolled back, she gave a moan and shuddered.
Curiosity got the better of me after about 15 minutes, so I asked her if she was alright. She said, "Yes". Then she explained she had a very rare condition, whereby every time she sneezed, she had an !
I asked if...

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Men vacuum in the same way that they have .

They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch, thinking that their wife should be really happy.

today my internet went out for About 3 minutes......

Met my family downstairs. They seem like nice people.

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Do you know why a pop song must be 3 minutes?

Not even pop fans can listen to that for longer

I took me 3 minutes to walk to the bar and 68 minutes to walk back

The difference is staggering

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One day a man decides to join the US Marine corps.

During training, he just can't keep up, so the sergeant tells him to go home and wait until he's called upon as a reserve.

35 years go by and the man is still not called into action, so he decides to retire.

Out fishing one day, enjoying his retirement, a car flys past him out of contr...

Every 3 minutes, someone is diagnosed with dementia

Poor lad keeps forgetting he has it

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I identify as a microwave meal...

I am ready in 3 minutes and look nothing like my pictures.

I tell ya, my old man. He used to take me hunting.

Told me I had a 3 minute head start!

Steve sees an ad for hiring a music producer.

The ad reads: "MUSIC PRODUCER WANTED! Must be able to play piano, type 40 words a minute, and be bilingual. We are an equal opportunity employer!" So he decides to go apply for the job.

The hiring manager is pleased with his resume but says, "Well your resume looks good, but I have to admit S...

My wife called me and said “ If you’re not home from the bar in 10 minutes, I’m giving the dinner I cooked for you to the dog.”

I was home in 3 minutes, I’d hate for anything to happen to the poor dog.

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Good or bad ?

Two women are talking:

“How was the last night?” one asks.

“A catastrophe! My husband came from work, had dinner in 3 minutes, after we had 4 minutes , he was deep sleep 2 minutes after! That fucker! And yours, How was it? “

”My, was AMAZING! My husband took me out for a...

An old man is at a Corvette dealership

An old man is at a Corvette dealership.

He knows that he’s towards the end of his life, and wants to have a little bit of fun before he goes.

The old man buys the newest, fastest, red Corvette convertible on the lot.

He speeds off the lot, and zips down the street, and onto th...

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I gave up drinking, smoking, drugs and all at the same time

It was the scariest 3 minutes of my life!

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Bob the builder goes up to a girl in a nightclub.

He says, "I have an 8 inch and can all night long"... After a few beers she takes Bob home with her.

The next morning she says,"You said you had an 8 inch and could last all night. Instead you have a 5 inch and lasted 3 minutes"..

Bob replies "I'm a builder love. It...

A lawyer, A rabbi, and a Buddhist Monk...

...Are driving together on Route 66. It's beginning to get dark and they are wishing for a place to stop but there isn't a town for miles. Then they spot an old farmhouse and decide to ask. The farmer meets them at the door and listens to their request. He says that he would be glad to let them stay...

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What does Disney and have in common?

You wait 3 hours for a 3 minute ride.

Three men hold a contest in front of a panel of women to see who can pleasure a woman best.

The first man, a body builder, is brought up to the stage and announces that he can deadlift 550lbs and can bench 315lbs. Proving it true, the man completes the lifts with ease. Flexing his muscles in front of the women and winking, he leaves the stage.

The next man, a professional chef, impr...

A man at work calls his house to check on his wife A Little Girl Picks Up The Phone. "Hi honey, can you put your mom on the phone?" "I can't, she's upstairs with Uncle Steve.""But you don't have an Uncle Steve." "Yes I do. He's upstairs with mommy in the bedroom."

Getting angry, the guy keeps his voice calm and says, "Okay honey, this is what I want you to do. Go upstairs and knock on the bedroom door. Tell mommy that my car just pulled into the driveway."

3 minutes pass and the little girl gets on the phone again.

"Daddy, I did what you said an...

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Never Dies

They say smoking a cigarette reduces 3 minutes of a person's life.

They say adds 15 minutes to a person's life.

This basically means, "A smoker never dies!"

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LPT for sexytime

If you like some music during , put on a live album.

It's really motivating to get an applause every 3 minutes.

Two drunk men were walking down the road when they see a nice house..

Carl goes 'Eh, I bet we can push that'
John goes 'Yeaah but let's take our shirts off so we don't get paint on them'

They take their shirts off and hang them off a tree branch and start pushing.... the building.

A thief comes and steals their shirts...

*3 minutes later*
...

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My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman..

And told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed.

After 3 minutes all charges were dropped due to lack of evidence.

Joke of the Day!

In the early 1930's, a farmer and his wife went to a fair. The farmer was fascinated by the airplanes and asked a pilot how much a ride would cost.

"$10 for 3 minutes," replied the pilot. "That's too much," said the farmer.

The pilot thought for a second and then said, "I'll ma...

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The CIA, Mi6, and KGB all meet for a competition [LONG]

Dropped off on a deserted island each team is tasked with the same mission. Go into the jungle and catch a rabbit. Fastest time wins.

The CIA team goes first, within 5 minutes they come out with a rabbit squirming around in hand. As the the other teams seem mildly impressed.

Next,...

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Stevie Wonder is playing in Japan for the first time ever...

Sitting at the piano in a concert hall, keen to please his new audience, Stevie shouts "Before I start, does anyone have any requests?"

Some little old Japanese man at the very back of the hall stands up and shouts back "Do a jazz chord!"

So Stevie obliges, playing an Eb Minor diminish...

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There was three boys called Zip, and Piss They were in class and their teacher went out to make a phone call

Right then Zip jumped on the table,
jumped in the teachers chair,
And Piss was punchin everyone in sight .
3 minutes later the teacher back in and said

Zip down,
out,
and Piss in the corner

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