UPJOKE

21 Year Jokes

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I'm no longer a 21 year old virgin

I turned 22.

I just hired a beautiful 21 year old girl to look after my 1 year old baby. Now I have two issues:

1. How to tell this to my wife

2. Where to find a 1 year old baby

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I was offered sex with a 21 year old girl today.

In exchange, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner. Of course I declined, because I am a person with high moral standards and strong willpower.


Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available with scented lemon or vanilla.

What's the difference between 9/11 and a cow?

Can't milk a cow for 21 years.

The difference between a 21 year-old American and European

An American on their 21st birthday: Wow! I can finally drink!

A European on their 21st birthday: Wo-w-wow! I really ought to cut back on my drinking!

Abdul was going through bit of a rough patch in his marriage.

So after work, he decided to pay his Imam a visit.

He said "I have been going through some problems with my wife, she seems like she is always angry at me, what do I do?"

The Imam replied "You should spend more time with your wife, appreciate her role in your life, maybe praise her co...

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I have the perfect body of a 21 year old female...

It's in a freezer in my basement

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Cabella’s sells guns to 18-21 year olds.

Because they’re not Dicks.

Putin and his driver were on their way to Kyiv and they suddenly hit a pig...

Vladimir Putin and his driver were on their way to Kyiv in a car when all of a sudden they hit a pig near a farmhouse, killing it instantly.

Putin told his driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. About one hour later, Putin sees his driver staggering back...

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I went to the bar with my 21 year old girlfriend...

They called me a pedophile because I was 42. That totally ruined our 10 year anniversary.

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A man invites some of his fetish club over for breakfast....

They are catching up on life and swapping stories about work, their grandkids’ birthdays, their recent stock market fortunes, and so on, when the subject of what they’re most proud of comes up.


Gerald, a 35 year old dentist, proudly exclaims, “Of everyone here, I by far, have the larges...

21 years ago a man was born without a body...

He was only a head. Miraculously he survived his birth and lived 21 years of his life as just a head without a body.

On his 21st birthday his father decided he would take his son out for his first alcoholic beverage. They went to a bar together and the father asked the bartender for 2 cold be...

Amanda is 21 years older than her son John. In 6 years from now, Amanda will be 5 times as old as John. Where is John's father?

Let M be the age in years of Amanda now.

Let C be the age in years of John now.

Then:

M = C + 21
M + 6 = 5(C + 6)
⟹ C + 21 + 6 = 5(C + 6)
⟹ C + 27 = 5C + 30
⟹ -3 = 4C
⟹ C = -3/4

John is -3/4 years old, which is -9 months old.
...

My girlfriend and I went out to a restaurant last night, and some of the other diners started calling me a 'paedo' and a 'cradle snatcher.' All because I'm a 52 year old man with a 21 year old girlfriend.

It totally ruined our 10 year anniversary meal.

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Incorrect usage of the word 'Fuckin'

Bob had broken his leg and his buddy Mick comes over to see him.

Mick - How you doing?

Bob - Fine. Hey will you do me a favor... go upstairs and get me my slippers. My feet are fuckin freezin.

Mick goes up and sees Bob's hot 21 year old twin sisters lying on the bed.

He t...

My dad told me he worked 3 jobs, had 2 girlfriends, graduated top of his class when he was 21 years old

Nothing is impossible if you can lie

My parents are the funniest people in the world

They made a joke 21 years ago and people are still laughing at it.

A Chinese joke about the USSR

In the 1960s a Chinese student in Moscow get upset with the system. Therefore walks up to red square and shouts: "Khrushchev you are a lier! Khrushchev you are a traitor! Khrushchev you are an idiot!" The man get's arrested right on the spot and put into prison. Even though the Chinese government se...

A man is waiting for his wife to give birth...

The doctor comes in and informs him that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. Your son is just a head!

But the father loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and
compassion. After 21 years, the son is old enough for his first drink. Dad
takes him to the bar an...

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The pragmatic wife

After being married for 30 years, a man took a look at his wife and said, "Honey, do you realize 30 years ago, I had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a pull out bed and watched a 13 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 21 year old blonde. Now, we have a nice hou...

A student is failing his classes, so he goes to the teacher with a bet

"I will tell you a riddle. You have an entire week to solve it. If you do, I am giving you 500€, if you don't, you give me an A"

"I accept"

"What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal?"

The teacher thinks and thinks the entire week, but d...

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A drunk man walks into a bar...

A drunk man, 35 years old, walks into a bar. Stumbling through the bar, he finds a seat and asks the bartender for a whiskey.

The bartender, seeing how drunk he is, is hesitant to serve the man. "How much have you had to drink today?" he asks.

The man responds, "Today's my Anniversar...

"How was your blind date?"

A college student asked her 21 year old roommate.

"Terrible!" The roommate answered. "He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce."

"Wow! That's a very expensive classic car. What's so bad about that?"

"He was the original owner."

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A man is at the supermarket with his 7 year old son when they walk past the condoms

The boy asks: 'Daddy, what are those?', to which the man replies 'Those are condoms son'. 'What are they for?', asks the boy. His dad replies 'To, ehhm ah eh, protect you from diseases'.
'Why do they sell them in packs of 3, 6 and 12?'.
'Well, the packs of 3 are for 16 year olds. One for fri...

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What's the darkest joke you know? No limits who can disgust me the most?

Best part of fucking 21 year olds?
Theres 20 of them

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A blind man walks into a bar ...

A blind man walks into a bar and says to the bartender “Give me a shot of your finest 30 year old single malt !”

The bartender says, “You know, that will cost you 100 bucks – it’s pretty expensive”. The blind man says “Not a problem, I have the money and I know what I like !”. So the bartende...

An old man goes to confession.

"Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I'm 80 years old and have been happily married to the love of my life for 60 years, but last night i cheated on her. With twins. 21 year old bikini model twins."

The priest asks how long it's been since his last confession.

"I've never been to con...

After having failed his exam in Logic, a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.

Student: "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?"

Professor: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"

Student: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my grade as is and go. If you howev...

Art of undressing

What's the difference between undressing a 21 year old woman & a 71 year old woman?





Depends

The 3 brothers

Once upon a time, there are 3 brothers, Lowman, Midman, and Highman, they are age 16, 18 and 20 respectively.

One day, they went for hunting as usual. But the eldest brother was lost during the hunt.

The remaining two brothers went back home with a deer but without their eldest bro...

I always used to get free coke as a 7 year old.

But I ended up in jail while asking as a 21 year old.

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Irony of Indian law system

I have two questions for the lawmakers of our country:

1. If the legal age of a Man to get Sexually active is 18 years and the legal age for him to get married is 21... then what are we actually suggesting he should do these 3 years?

2. Now if the legal age for a Man to get married is ...

Two blondes are at a bar celebrating

as soon as the drinks arrive, they give a quick toast, exclaiming **21** then turn up their glasses. The bartender thought this was odd, considering they both looked to be close to 30. Time passes, another round ordered, and other celebratory cheers stating **21**. The bartender again ignored them ...

Once upon a time...

There was an old lady who found a genie lamp. The genie appeared and said "I will grant you 3 wishes"

For her 1st wish the old lady wished for 10 million dollars and ***poof*** 10 million dollars appeared in cash.

For her 2nd wish the old lady wished to be young again and ***poof*** s...

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CAR PARK SCAM: BEWARE!

Please BE WARNED! Over the last month I have become a victim of a clever 'Eastern European' scam whilst out shopping.

Here's how the scam works:

Two very good-looking 20-21 year-old girls of eastern European origin come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the boot. ...

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An Elderly Man Goes to the Doctor’s.

“Help, Doc. I just got married to this 21 year old woman.
She is hot and all she wants to do is have sex all day long.”

“So what’s the problem?”

Breaking down in tears....

“I can’t remember where I live.”

Prince Phillip has finally apologised to the crash victim saying he’s deeply sorry...

Only took him 21 years

An old man in tears

A young man taking a walk in a park comes across an elderly man sitting on a bench in tears. Touched by the poor man's sorrow, he kindly asks, "Please sir, why are you crying?"

The old man replies, "I have a beautiful 21 year old wife who makes love to me every night!"

Confused, the ...

An interviewer’s taxi stops in front of a prison...

The interviewer asks: “could you wait for me here?” Then the taxi driver says: “no, forget it! The last time someone asked me that he came out 21 years later!”

An 80y/o bloke goes to the doctor for his regular checkup.

Doc: "How are you feeling then Mr Tabernackle?" Mr Tabernackle: 'I feel amazing. I just hit a 90 on 18 holes at the club, went for a great swim and my 21 year old wife is pregnant!' Doc: "That's incredible!" Mr Tabernackle: 'Well you don't have to be so astounded. I may be 80 but I keep myself in go...

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A Well-Dressed Man Goes Into A Bar

He asks for some 15 year old cognac. The bartender pours and passes a glass, and the man takes a sip. He makes a face, and says "I specifically asked for 15 year old cognac, this is only 12 years old. This will not do."

So he asks for a glass of 21 year old scotch instead. The bartender passe...

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By the old farm

About to hit forties, a successful business man from New York wants to get married. He wants a pretty and young girl, around 21 years old to show off to his fellow business men. However, as a religious man, he is looking for a virgin, which are kinda hard to find this days.

So he heads up to ...

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[NSFW] Their Honeymoon

So,

There is a man and his wife on their honeymoon and he slips a shoebox under the bed before they 'get down to business'.
'Now honey,' The husband says, 'Whatever you do, don't open that box. You must not, under any circumstances, open that box'

The wife thinks this is a s...

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I came across a really old man crying his eyes out in a shopping centre.

I came across a really old man crying his eyes out in a shopping centre. "What Evers the matter?" I asked him.

The old man wiped his eyes and gave out a whispering sniffle "you know son I'm the luckiest man alive. I'm 91 years old, I've traveled around the world, I'm a multi millionaire and ...

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A country family goes to a mall for the first time..

The mother goes to shop while the father and his son look around. They stop by two shiny metal doors with buttons on a wall nearby. An old overweight woman in a wheelchair wheels up and pushes a button. The doors open into a small room. The woman wheels herself into it and pushes a button. The doors...

A Man Walks Into A Bar With A Duffle Bag

A man walks into a bar carrying a duffle bag and places it on the bar. He says "My son just turned 21 and I would like to buy him a drink!" The bartender looks around and asks "Where's the birthday boy?" The man unzips the duffle bag and pulls the head of a 21 year old man out of it. The bartender g...

Long This is my moms favorite joke to tell.

A man walks into a bar with his now 21 year old son. The sun had a rare condition and he was born with no body at all. To celebrate his 21st birthday the dad decides to carry his son to a local bar and buys him a drink. When the son finishes his first drink, something amazing happens, he grows a nec...

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A little Texas joke

A young man in Oklahoma turns 21. Excited, he tells his father, “I want to finally go to Texas.”

His father warns, “Scooter, you’re a full-grown man, now. I can’t stop you from going to Texas. But I have to warn you… **EVERYTHING IS BIG IN TEXAS!** You can’t be prepared for how absolutely hug...

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[NSFW] A man is queuing at the supermarket

when the woman behind him taps on his shoulder:
"You know I have one of your children? He is such a sweet child, smart and funny. And he looks just like you!"
Stunned the man replies: "What! How? That's impossible!"
"Oh don't worry I am so blessed to have him!"
Now very angered, the m...

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